My nephew's name was Anthony.. he was 4 years older than me - yet I was his Aunt. My sister had him 4 years before my mom could have me... It's strange - but... there are moments I think about him and it's this subconcious mind and it makes me ill in a way because I love this person with all my heart - because well - he's family - but then it's like... What am I supposed to do when I barely see him - and we grow up in different worlds - with different lives..
I remember when we played video games together - I remember when he used to try and scare me at night - but I knew better. Though there wasn't much more else to my memory - since... we were so young... at least I was..
Things changed when he was 17... and things spiraled - he's 19 now. He used to be this handsome boy that I was pretty sure girls had crushes on - and now it's like he became a fat useless thing who smokes all day and does nothing. His Medications did this to him...
It's hard to love a being who you can barely remember or recognize.You would only be loving that person out of that being's past and what he used to be... but he became mentally ill. He can't drive, he can't be normal anymore. Normal isn't a meaning in what you do - but as in - what you can't do anymore.... the normal in which you do. I can't help this. I miss him. Things were better when we were younger in a way. I'm 15... there isn't much to say about my life. I haven't nearly experienced half the things people may go through. I wish I could've been there for him... I wish we could've had more fun together before he went away..
Things are hard to love - when there is nothing anymore to hold onto anymore, it's worse to find this being - because it's worse than him dying. He's still alive, he's still sick. He used to be smiling... he used to be a person who wouldn't hurt you. And now he's gone...
I love you Anthony ... heart
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