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Things you should not say to an officer of the law
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer
2. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren’t you the guy from the village people?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are you Andy or barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be an officer
7. You’re not going to check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, officer! That’s terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That’s how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the officer says, "e; gee son...your eyes look red, have you been drinking? "e; you probably shouldn't respond with, "e; gee officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating a donut? "e;
13. What? You need a license to drive?
14. Wow, no wonder your wife sleeps around, with your breath!...
15. Yes, I know my driving is not 100%, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk.
16. Can you come back in five minute? I’m in the middle of a telephone conversation.
17. Oops. I thought you were a prostitute.
18. A hundred dollar fine! well, I think George Washington can change your mind.
19. Did you pull me over because of the drugs under the seat, the body in the trunk, or the burned out tail light?
20. Whoops, that's the fake one...here ya go, this is the one.
21. Hey, is that a 9mm? That’s nothing compared to this .44 magnum!
22. If you'd try the stuff I just had, you wouldn't be so damn uptight.
23. Yes, I saw your lights on, but I thought you were just going to get a donut.
24. What’s wrong, Ossifer? I swear to drunk I’m not God! and really, there is no blood in my alcohol
25. That uniform makes your butt look big
26. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead
27. I’m not as think as you stoned I am.
Sticks and stones may brake my bones,
but whips and chains excite me,
so tie me up and throw me down,
and show me that you...
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