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I didn't want to love you.
I didn't think I ever would.
I didn't want you loving me.
Because I wasn't sure that you truly could.
We met by chance.
Be it fate or crazy circumstance.
Regardless the rhyme or reason
You were in my life much longer than a season.
You chased me for years.
While I kept on running.
I told you to leave me be.
But you kept on coming.
I gave in though my mind said no.
You made a vow to me to never let me go.
Even if romance phased out our friendship would last.
Six years have gone on...such promises lay in the past.
I fought your affections because I was scarred.
My heart was never made of ice...not frozen hard.
The thing I needed most I feared infinitely.
Because losing it all over again would surely kill me indefinitely.
While in my solitude I laid down a foundation.
In your solitude your foundation became shaken.
While I continued to cement bricks of solid gold.
Your foundation full of doubt began to collapse and fold.
While I lived in a dream, your love my motivation.
Me loving you too much, made you feel suffocation.
The distance made both hearts grow fonder.
Except the distance also made your mind go wander.
When you said you'd be away..I didn't know that was your real goodbye.
You were my raven haired angel, I never thought you'd ever tell me a lie.
Upon your return, I wanted to be in your arms again.
To my surprise you were not the same man.
In the moment you were a stranger..someone unknown.
Your essence an anomaly no longer my spiritual home.
Your intangible words pierced through me..
Like a nine inch needle deeply..
The Angel of Mercy became the Angel of Death
When the empty words sank in I lost my breath.
The words may have been yours but not from your lips.
A surge of pain ran through me, swelling in my abdomen and hips.
I stumbled..I gasped..I never knew such agony.
How I could feel so alive and now the world became Purgatory?
When I looked for you, you ran away.
I cried out for you..begging you to stay.
But you were gone..and I was alone.
Seven months I wept...streams turned to rivers.
The thought of you haunting me everywhere...
My living heartstrings torn and severed...
I bled emotions like an ocean red...
The body felt so cold as my spirit fled...
I thought I had surely died...
Over time I cried my last cry.
The spirit that I thought had left...
Had given me back my stolen breath.
Though my tear stained eyes burned..
The wheel of destiny began to churn..
The gears cranked up and the heart began to beat.
My spirit only knows preservation not defeat.
With all my stitches and scars I moved on.
The soul continues to stay strong.
Dear sweet beloved I will always love you...
In my thoughts I want to believe back when you loved me too.
Though my love has changed for you, it exists eternally.
I bear you no grudges..I'm glad that you're happy.
Our paths may never cross again..but you are in my memory.
You may have forgotten me..but honey..that is fine by me.
The person you knew is not the me today.
The person I was..was weak..that I can no longer say.
For the me I am in the moment is a woman with focus and vision.
The me of yesteryear was a girl with vision and confusion.
I pray you forget that girl and forgive her.. the fault was not her own.
She grew up being told she wasn't worthy...that she was ugly..
She wasn't told she was beautiful..kindness hardly ever shown.
She was born into a world that cursed her existence.
She had to come out fighting she was thrown into the wilderness.
You had to know her life to truly understand.
The world she knew..she didn't let you in.
She was not hiding.. she was afraid.
She didn't want you to walk the same darkness..
Her spirit was in such disarray.
She loved you more than herself and maybe that was her downfall..
She lost herself in you once she gave you her all.
But that girl has grown up... and knows now what to do.
She knows how to love better... do you?
I wish you all the best King of My Past...
Not all things were made to last...
I don't think the fault was all mine... nor was it all yours..
I don't think the fault was really fault at all...
The truth is.. we were not meant to become one...
The truth is... we were just too young....
 Aoi Utsuki · Sat Dec 29, 2012 @ 05:04pm · 0 Comments |
