The Wolvish Knowledge
(Note that I myself am a girl. Skryntarr is just my character on Gaia. Rollplay kind of thing.)
Skryntarr
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Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 @ 05:37am
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Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2007 @ 07:04am
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Sometimes
Sometimes.....sometimes you just look at someone or something and you realize things...things you never knew. . . and you ask questions, questions you never dared ask yourself. You say, what must it be like to be all alone? To have no one to turn to? What would all that pain do to you? Would it turn to hatred? . . . and what if you weren't really alone, but you just thought you were? What if somedays, even if you knew better, you thought you were completely alone? Would you scream at everyone? Hate everyone? Feel like they were all out to get you? Would the loneliness tear through your heart and blind you? Would you be angry? Even though you didn't want to be angry? Even though you didn't want to scream? You couldn't help it. You just kept yelling and yelling. . . but it's not the people you were yelling at. Not really. It's that voice. The one inside your head that keeps telling you how alone you are. The one that says everyone's out to get you. The one that says how worthless you are. And you just want it to shut up. You know it's lies. It has to be! But it just cuts so deep. And they're talking at you. And it sounds so mean. You just don't want to do anything right then. This voice keeps talking, and you don't want to move until it shuts up. But they keep pushing you. Why won't they shut up? And so you yell at them. You have to. Why can't they just leave you alone? Isn't this stupid voice bad enough? And then they get mad at you. And they yell. And the voice makes sense then. Maybe they are out to get you. Why can't they understand? Why can't they just let you alone until the voice shuts up? Until you can be you again? But how can they expect that much from you? You can't be happy all the time. Why do they get so pissed off if you're upset? They're upset sometimes. Everyone is. So why can't you be? Why is to so wrong for you to be angry and upset and in a bad mood? It's just not fair. And that damn voice. It just keeps talking. And what if you get dizzy? What if you can feel it coming? That terror when the voice takes over, and you're not even in charge of yourself anymore. When you do things, and you can't even remember. When you get taken over. What do you do when you can feel it coming? And there's nothing that terrifies you more than that? And you wanna scream and hide? You just want everything to stop and the dizziness to go away. And then you look over and you see something or someone. And you can't help but ask. How? How can you be afraid all the time? Isn't it horrible? Being afraid of everything? Don't you ever just want to be brave? Just once? And not be scared anymore? But it's not them you're asking. It's yourself. But just before you figure that out. You open you're mouth. And you say. You can't be... and then you realize it, but you finish your sentence anyway. You can't be afraid ALL the time. You just can't. But you are. It's not them. It's you. You're always afraid. But you don't want to be. Just for a moment you want everything to stop. You want something you can be absolutely sure of. Something that you know won't break. But there never is that. Even your friends. Even they always seem to break. To betray you. To go away. To hate you. Your friends are all you've ever had. All you live for. But they always break. How can you not be afraid? When the only thing you live for could slip away at any moment? Sometimes. Sometimes you watch something, or you hear someone say something. And you just know. You know what's wrong with you. It's all laid out in front of you. And you know it all. You know why they always end up hating you. But even though it's right there. You can't put it in order. You can't fix it. When you reach out, it just slips through your hands and is gone. And you know you just need one good friend. One friend who won't break. Who won't disappear. Who will teach you not to be afraid anymore, because you'll know you'll always have someone. But you can't even have that. The voice is too loud now. And it's got too much proof. How can you deny what's right in front of you? What you can't even begin to fix. Sometimes. Sometimes... Sometimes you just need someone to be there forever. But who would stay with someone...someone as awful as you are?
Who would stay with me? SOMETIMES...
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Skryntarr
Community Member
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Skryntarr
Community Member
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Posted: Fri Feb 16, 2007 @ 05:28am
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I Hate Driving
OK....so I wrote this thing in class today. I don't know why. It just had to be written. Dunno what else to say....um.....tell me what you think? Or don't. I dunno. Not even sure why I'm putting it up here. lol. I guess it's about me...maybe not.... I just was thinking in class, a succession of thoughts, circling around. So I wrote them down. Oh, and my dear friends, don't freak. It's not as bad as it sounds, I was just being overdramatic. Honest. The shut up part is about the noisy drunken college idiots who won't shut up and I never sleep. The driving is the horrible 2 and 1/2 hour drive I have down nasty backroads every two weeks. So yeah, it's not that bad. It's just the way the words came to me. Um there's lots of cussing. Appologies. If cussing bugs you, don't read it. You've been warned. So, yeah... Its called:I Hate Driving I keep going. Going that way. I wanna stop. I want off. Let me off...but there is no off. Just on...and on and on. And no matter how loud I scream or how hard I cry, or how deep I dig in my heels, I keep going. But I don't want to. My heels must be bleeding, from tearing up the dirt, but I can't feel them. I can't see them either. I'm still going. Driving. Why am I driving? s**t! I hate driving. I want off. Make it stop. But I can't. I'm still driving. ********. I hate driving. I don't want to drive. I want someone else to drive. Lean back in the passenger's seat and sleep. I'm so tired. Damn. Why am I so tired? I want to sleep. I'm always asleep. Always tired. I'm sick of sleep. No more sleep. But I never do. So damn loud. Just let me sleep. Just shut up. Stop yelling. Leave me alone. I'm so damn tired. Let me sleep. Let me alone. I can't sleep here. I need his shoulder. To rest my head. I need sleep. So ******** tired! But there is no sleep. No shoulder. Just noise. So much noise...Why am I driving?! ********! I hate driving. Let me off. Let me go. Why am I driving? It makes sense. When I'm going home. Going to him. Going to sleep. It's so quiet there. And soft. And his arms chase off the Darkness. And I'll sleep. Maybe that's what I need. To catch up on sleep. Just sleep in his bed for a whole week. No noise. Just sleep. Damn, I'm tired. Maybe then. When all my sleep was squared away. I could do it. Do what? Doesn't matter. I'd do it. I'd write my book. Beat that game. Finish that cross-stitch. Color that drawing. Read that book. Do that thing. And finish it this time. All the way through. I never finish anything. Nothing. What's wrong with me? Maybe I'm just tired. Maybe I'm driving. ********! Why am I driving? I hate driving. It makes no sense. I'm not going home. I'm going away. Away from him. Won't see him for 12 days. It's too long. ********. Why am I driving? I hate driving. It makes no sense. I'm going the wrong way. He's back that way. I'm going toward the noise. Why? Why am I driving? I hate driving. It's stupid. I wanna go home. I miss him. I miss him so much. This is stupid. I hate driving. It makes no sense...Maybe...it's not supposed to. Maybe it needs to be stupid. Maybe it needs to be wrong now. Stupid now. So it can all end up right.
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Posted: Tue Oct 31, 2006 @ 01:56pm
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Skryntarr
Community Member
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Skryntarr
Community Member
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Posted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 @ 05:43am
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Posted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 @ 03:23am
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Skryntarr
Community Member
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Skryntarr
Community Member
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Posted: Fri Oct 13, 2006 @ 12:54am
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Posted: Fri Oct 13, 2006 @ 12:53am
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Skryntarr
Community Member
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Skryntarr
Community Member
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Posted: Thu Oct 05, 2006 @ 10:59pm
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