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Well, it's been a while since I posted my thoughts here... I'm in the main phase of my studies now, still fighting my way through.
Right now, I'm sitting in my "office" trying to write a protocol for my recent practical lesson (hope that's what it's called), not with so much enthusiasm as you can see (Hello Gaia!). Outside it is raining cats and dogs and whatever other animals you can think of. It's freezing cold here and there's a howling storm I haven't experienced for years.
My Grandfather died in November but for some weird reason I don't miss him. That makes me totally sick! I know, I've got a lot of stress right now, very busy all the time, but he lived with us. There was not one day in my life without him before. He lived in the same house, had the meals with us and he was always there for me when the rest of the world disliked me and such. When I was a kid, he always played with me and my worst nightmares where those in which he died; it was my main fear for years. And then, when you don't think about it, it happens. He did fall and broke his leg... he was already 87 years old. After the surgery, he was all good, my parents visited him in hospital, everything fine. But then there were complications and he was not able to talk properly and he did not totally realize his environment. To see him in his bed with hand strapped, the mouth open (he had problems to breathe) and these sick eyes. And when I was about to leave after half an hour that I talked to him - he had one or two clear moments, when he realized that I was there - he told me "Bernd, I'm going to the dogs here." When I was out of the room, I started to cry and I didn't stop till I was at home. He also told me that every single part of his body hurts. When I came home from University the day he died I already knew when I departed from the U. I simply felt it. And when I came home and my sisters car was still there, I knew that he was dead. I did not cry a single tear that day for I knew he had no pain anymore.
Perhaps I'm writing more someday... but thats enough for today.