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This is what really upsets me about the internet, a bunch of teens who think they are cool by being heartless pricks. News flash: Being a b***h/d**k doesn't make you cool. And if it does, internet fame means nothing in the real world. But what you say can affect people. Are you people really so selfish that you'll make yourself seems cool on the internet at the expense of other people.

For example, I'm so tired of people telling others to get over 9/11. They say they shouldn't cry over there loved ones because thousands more have died in Iraq than have in America. But you know what, those people in Iraq are crying over there loved ones too. Would you walk up to them and tell them to stop crying because millions are dying in Africa?! No, dammit! People are going to cry over a tragedy no matter how many people were involved or where it occurred.

so right now i just feel really shitty, and i shouldnt because i get to see kyle tomorrow but still i cant help it. earlier two of my friends were talking about there lives and i could have added a lot to the conversation but i decided not to mainly because i felt as if i was gonna cry. i started thinking about my family and how much my dad has had to endure to raise five kids by himself. i seem as if i dont appreciate him. im trying to put myself in his shoes. how would i feel if the person i loved left me and then developed schizophrenia....if people blamed me for it. then the kids i spent my whole life to raise dont respect me and dont seem to give a s**t..thats what hes gone through. and worst of all i moved out over bad terms...he said i was the one kid he thought he could trust and then i go and do that. i owe this man my life and i just blew him off. after hearing my friends talking about how much they appreciate their moms for always being there i felt like curling up in a ball and crying, never showing my face again cuz i dont seem to appreciate my dad even though hes always been there. i wish there was some way i could show him i do appreciate him...let him know i love him.

i dont know why but im really depressed right now. okay i know part of the reason. first a guy i use to be friends with dies in Iraq, but im getting over the shock of that. What's really gettin me is that i was so close to finding constance and then bam, dead end. ugh. i feel like crap right now.i got no one to talk to cuz my roomies gone and i only hang out with guys in my dorm and i dont wanna burden any of them. my boyfriends at homecoming with one of his friends so i cant call him. i will talk to him later though and if you're reading this kyle dont feel bad its not your fault. i just, i dont know...i feel alone, like no one cares about me right now. i wanna cry, i wanna throw something...but then again i dont. i just feel like crap. cry

i just found out a friend of mine died. he was in iraq and well all i kknow is he died on december 27, 2003. i dont know what say, i will get a tribute once i can think straighht. until then rest in peace Kenneth Sickle

so i'm going to AV in a 8 days and i finally get to see Kyle. yay. first time i get to see him since August 6th. its been so long and im so happy i finally get to hold him in my arms. i swear im not letting him go! i cant wait to see him, i miss his smile and being in his arms, it feels so comforting and makes me feel complete. he's the best i could ever ask for. so the countdown is set to 8 days and counting.

okay so i knew this would happen. im just not good at journals. but to make this one not a complete failure i will actually try to write in it once in a while. hmmm so what to say *ponders for a few minutes* oh okay! *looks at next entry*

Well to answer this im a freshmen At UC Santa Barbara. I live in the dorms and am majoring in psychology. I use to live in Apple Valley,CA. The day after graduation i moved into my boyfriends house cause i wasn't getting along with my dad very well. So 3 months later im here at college and finally feel free. Im in a long distance relationship with Kyle AKA valor-kyle (he's on gaia too!) I love him to death and am hoping to someday marry him (after college probably) So thats all for now.bye