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I have no idea why I'm doing this, but I just have to get it out of my system.
This journal is dedicated to the only person who's ever really hurt me, and I'm not sure he even knows that he did. Totally outside of the normal 'mold' of people I'm interested in, he's a musical genius, a smart-aleck, and, lo-and-behold, younger than me. I'm sure my closest friends will know why I normally refuse to attend school dances; they hold too many sad memories for me. Now I'm finally going to one, and I can't seem to just 'let go' like most people would tell me to. I mean, I'm even going to a different school, and trying to find someone who can get rid of this attachment that I still hold onto. I'm a bit ashamed to admit that despite all the crap he's given me since middle school, I still feel the same way as I did back then.
I think it's because it isn't a simple 'attraction' to someone's looks or beginning personality. It's admiration. I still work hard, trying to become a better musician in hopes that someday I can be seen as an equal in his eyes. I'm even planning on traumatizing myself with State Honor Band and Marching Band next year. I'll never be as good as him, but maybe someday I can get a, 'Oh, hey Kendra, that was some great playing back there.'
I'm sorry to the person I'm going to homecoming with, especially if I just...break down at the dance. But some things, well, you just can't let go of.
 t u b e r c u l o s i f y · Sat Sep 15, 2007 @ 04:24pm · 1 Comments |
