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I'm going coocoo. Here's a list explaining why.. Oh how I love lists.

1. My boyfriend is not. talking to me. much. Arg?

2. I'm going through Rhinoceros withdrawl. And no I'm not going crazy cause a rhino left me. It's the play I was in.

3. Trying to make chocolate truffles is a b**** and they turned out to be just balls of fudge. Yummy fudge balls. Woopieee!

4. I could whack someone into a coma with the christmas brownies I made for my friends. Oh well, at least they get something other than those "truffles"

5. I think I burned my finger to the point of it looking like a raisin when I was trying to iron my hair.

6. Project due after winter break that I reeeaaally don't want to do

7. my. mother.

8. one of my dogs is afraid of a massager. Wow.

9. Soon I'm going to have two puppies running around the house that one of our dogs that we gave to my mom's friend decided to have with a prostetute.

10. I'm scared of what I'm getting for my b-day and christmas... sweatdrop

1. Never jinx it by saying its going to be awsome. Cause then its going to go down the drain

2. make sure you can access where the wedding is supposed to be. So that the day of the wedding it works

3. never do it in Gaia towns when theres a holiday thing and people are getting clovers. You will get a crappy server.

4. make sure that your mom wont drag you away from the computer to yell at you and make you do crap that will make you late to your own wedding

5. make sure you're ready to get married

6. make sure everything is already planned and set into stone

7. be sure that your wedding planner, mother, priest, and everyone else is actually going to come

8. make sure that they dont have a certian time that they need to be off thats an hour or so from your planned wedding ceremony

9. make sure you are ready and dressed

Most Importantly
10. Dont get depressed if everything goes down the s**t hole. Get mad.. Get Veeerry mad. And blame it all on an object..Like your mimzy or stuffed toy.

I won first place in my school's literary fair for my lyrics, 'Catch Me if You Can' as free verse poetry and I am now going to the district literary fair! And I'm going there to win it! Watch out poetS!!! XD I proved my mom wrong for once and showed her whos smarter by doing something she couldnt do on my comp. She wanted to set up an email on Outlook and was complaining that I messed it up and blah blah blah for a whole hour. The whole time I was telling her to give the laptop to me so I could fix it. But her stubborn butt wouldnt! After an hour she gave in and within seconds of me getting the laptop I was already setting it up. I asked her for info to put in like the incoming email service and outgoing, etc., And she was soo annoyed that I got it!! XD GO ME!! I rubbed the fact that I was right in her face, but in a way that would seem I wasnt doing it on purpose! xp I am proud of myself rofl Well, I am also getting Gaia Married this weekend!! WoOt! I'm so excited! I hope I don't get the wedding gitters and become a Gaia run away Bride. xD I doubt it. Well thats all for now!

Walking through the halls of my school I realized something about myself as I gazed at the valentines posters and sales signs for teddy bears and candies, That I try to seem like I dont care for these things when in reality I yearn for someone, anyone to give me a little teddy bear or just a hug on valentines day. To hear, "Will you be my valentine". I have a boyfriend, true. But for reasons right now he's not here to spend this day with me. So I still feel alone as ever as I watch people receive and give these gifts of care and love. All those years passing when I never received any I acted tough but inside I was pretty fricken sad. Who Really Wants To Be Alone On Valentines Day??? Even when you have someone. If they're not there, You Still Feel Lonely Right? I guess I'll buy myself chocolate hearts and plop myself on the couch and read one of my dark romance books. Happy Valentine's Day.

I feel like trash. I once wished to die not knowing all the others who had their lives taken from them. How could I have been so naive? How could one wish or even think of wishing to die when so many die when they wanted to live? How could one try to kill themselves when so many are killed by others when all they wanted was life? Many lye in hospital beds knowing they'll die, wishing they had a second chance while others go ahead and commit suicide or try to. Many try to live their lives to the fullest knowing that they might not have as long a life as others while people waste their lives doing nothing or doing drugs or something they do not injoy. how come dying people have more a will to live, more of a life, of love, then those who live on? that is a question that no one really wants to answer.

Today was a horrible experience as is all my days.
Today we had assigned seats to us and in one class we chose our seats. In that class people avoided me as if i was a bloodthirsty vampire ready for the hunt and so i felt depressed and wandered into the back corner desk far from everyone and the teacher able to do as i please without anyone noticing... and in a way thats wat i wanted. In the class with assigned seats i sat alone once more ignored by all including the agitatingly depressing science teacher. I realized i was more like a ghost then a vampire, wandering the halls as people pushed past me not seeming to notice me as i noticed the pain in my shoulders. When i raise my hands in class no one seems to notice and so i go without well notice. i dont get good grades as should a kid with enough alone time to do all the homework for that year and the need for attention in class to answer a few questions and do classwork. i hardly get a's usually stuck in the B margin. i slip occationally but not to anyones realization. Most of my teachers know my name which stuns me to the fullest. usually i regester in my mind that they think of me as 'the loner' not by my actual name. On occations, rare ones, people ask me questions usually about the work and nothing more thinking that since im so quiet that i must be really smart which i am but im not so eager for their attention as i should so i donnot attept to give them answers so you may say that i worsen it but in fact i help it so that those people decide not to talk to me at all including insults which i do get on occation. i feel like no one notices that they help in my depression and that they dont realize that i dont have a normal life like they do and that i never will. but i guess that i have to live with the fact that my life as simple as it seems to outsiders will not be like their's ever. And that they will never seem to grasp that. I am not saying there arent others like me with the same problems and thats why i speak of it now to stand for those like me to tell them that they arent alone and to hope that they too will tell me that i am not alone in this. But until then i wander the halls, a vampiress ghost to all

yesturday i went to my aunts and we went boating. i realized how at times life can be a wonderful experience. i had the time of my life, caught fish, swam, rode a boat, and even drove it for a bit! i saw a life i could have if i and my mom gave more effort. i didnt want to go home but knew i had to one way or another so i did. i hope to do something like that again and if i dont i have suviners. i saved a few shells that are miraculously beautiful and a DVD movie of my trip. So wat did i get out of this trip? well certionly more then a boat trip and a suntan...

today i went out with my mom, which is strange to begin with, and she bought me about a year supply of clothes! neutral that is really strange. wats even more peculiar is that she didnt say any nasty remarks throughout the whole day. it felt like before, before when she was a nice person and took me places and played with me. after i hit 8 that all changed. she was mean and nasty. she would always have something rude to say to me or something to put me down. i thought i would never get my old mom back but today gave me hope as little as it might have been it was hope. hope that one day she would be my old mom. i hope to see it comes true one day

today was just like other regular school days except that my friend wants to kill meh sweatdrop shes been saying that for two weeks. um i have a crush on someone he is cute. but im not telling him any time soon because most of the guys ive told well put me down. Um... i found out yesturday that there is a new japanese anime and manga club at my school and im getting ready to drop the bomb on my mom by asking her if i can join ( she never lets me join ANYTHING crying ) um ive been acting all happy wappy crazy wazy these few past days so that no one will think im having problemos. but it isnt working. if it was i wouldnt be typing this down . confused today i got cought in a storm and now have the sneezes gonk hehe. thats all for now..tahtah