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diurnal ramblings

organized m e s s
Community Member
I D K, my bff Fate?
I believe in Fate. I really do believe in Fate, but not the type of fate most people believe in. Most people think that your future is set in stone. That fate will bring you here or bring you there. It's like they think fate will drag you along for the ride. I don't think that's how Fate works. I think Fate works in small ways. She doesn't make the decisions for you, it's more like She gives you small advice. Or screams in your ear while you're trying to drive.
Fate has a way of making me do things that I don't want to do. I'm not saying She's making me do drugs. I'm saying that Fate prevents me from doing some things. Most of the time I follow Her advice, but when I'm set on something I ignore Her. And sometimes ignoring Her isn't the best thing, and other times it is.
I think that I first started to believe in Fate was when I'd given up. I'd given up on making decision, and I just started to do what I was told to do. Which, mind you, wasn't a good decision but it seemed like one then. It wasn't long ago, I guess that it was around the summer time. It was probably around late August, and I was tired. I was dead tired of the summer heat, dry dust in my nose and sun burn. I know, me having sunburn! How crazy is that? Anyways, I stopped making decisions. If someone gave me food, I ate it. I ate it all and then some because I didn't know when to stop. When other people were smiling, I started to smile because I didn't know if I was allowed to frown of not. When people were dancing, I started to dance even though I didn't feel the beat. Move my hips? Sure, I'll do it. And I got made fun of by my realtives for just doing things. They were like, oh that little American girl! Which I guess made sense, but I don't think they understood that that little American girl was tired of Asia, dry heat, people assuming things, and family she didn't like.
It was when I got home that I decided to depend on Fate to help me. She was sitting behind me the entire time, telling me where to turn but I just wouldn't listen to Her. The moment I entered my home in America, I finally heard Fate. She was yelling at me to grab my cell phone and lock myself in my room. And that I did. I locked myself in my room for four hours and I all I did was cry and throw up. I puked out all of the food that I ate in Asia and cried all of the tears that I couldn't while visiting that foreign land. Fate had been telling me to give myself a break, but I just kept driving on cruise control because I was that lazy.
When I woke up four hours later I had a text on my cell phone. "Want to come to my school orientation?"
I asked my mom for permission, and of course she said no. So I took her no, because she said no, and I was still on cruise control. I texted back my friend that I couldn't make it but that she should come to the park where I was going to go to a bar-b-que. Fate made me invite my friend. And I invited other friends, who came. And we all slept together under the late summer sun as my older friends cooked up some concoctions that had us all in the bathrooms afterwards.
Later on Fate taught me how I shouldn't buy impulsively because I was back in America and America was expensive. She also taught me how I shouldn't fall in love, how I shouldn't have fits, and how I shouldn't post things on the internet.
Fate, She's a good person. But you shouldn't always listen to good people, because you can only be yourself. Not everyone is a good person. I'm definitely not a good person, but with Fate in the back seat I think that I'll find my way back to the interstate. Fate just doesn't know what interstate it'll be, and neither do I. Did that exit just say Med School?
Mood: Content
Music: Rihanna- Please Don't Stop The Music

I'm questing for 100K.

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