The subject line doesn't show. It's supposed to say "I grew up, but still came back to check my account". Maybe I'm stupid and don't know where it actually is. Oh wait. The text is hidden because the text is white for some reason. Oh well.
Well, I'm 32 years old now. I have a husband. We own a house in the same neighborhood I grew up in. Same street as my parents. I'm going to start CSUB in Winter/Spring 2025.
A lot has changed since I made a Gaia Online account in 2006. Or maybe is was a year or two before because this is not my original account. My first account ~~steph_bunny~~ was hacked. I was naive and entered my password when a pop up window appeared when I was exploring Towns.
Anyways, It's been maybe 18 years since I first joined Gaia Online. I used to pop on here every few years after I stopped taking my account so seriously. I would just check to see if my items were still in my inventory and check if new items came out. But today felt different. I did the same routine after logging in, but while checking my inventory and updating my avatar I remembered what kind of person I was back then. I remember teenage me would be so obsessed with Gaia Online and obsessed with one friend. She introduced me to this online world. It was life changing. I discovered so much more about anime and had a first glimpse of cosplay in the forums. Teenage me was so shy, insecure, and sheltered, but Gaia Online was a world I could be comfortable and talk to people. I badly wanted more friends, but in real life I was so scared to make any.
Fast forward to now I have become more comfortable with myself. I learned self respect and understand what kind of people I want around me. In my 20s I wanted to do anything I could for people to get them to notice me. Now I know that's not I want. I learned to love myself. I still would like some close cosplay friends though. I love cosplay now and I have been cosplaying since 2011/2012. I just have one close cosplay friend right now and she will be my sister in law soon. I'm so excited! She will be marrying my brother. I'm so happy for them! I'm happy to see how much he has grown as a person too. We used to fight a lot when we were younger. I think because I felt so much pressure and I unintentionally took it out on him. I hope he can forgive me some day. I'm sorry.
I'm not sure what else I have to say. After reading my first journal entry it made me think how horrible I was at writing. But it was cute to see what kind of person I was back then. If you are reading this and are a Gaia Online veteran like me, I hope you are doing well and are proud of how much of a person you have grown.
To my future self, you have come so far. Get that art degree like you've always wanted since you were a kid. You deserve it because you prioritized other people's needs before yourself majority of your life. After you get that BA in Studio Art maybe you can reward yourself to a puppy. Or cosplay stuff. Both sound pretty nice.
See you in the future.
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