Announcer: Hello everyone, I’m Arianna and welcome to Celebrity Anime Jeopardy. Today we feature a special treat: some of the characters from the ever-popular Naruto series! For the next three nights (including tonight) we will features characters from this show. Tonight we have the guys. Let’s introduce them, shall we?
Sasuke
Sasuke: ‘s up? Fangirls scream from the audience: WE ALL LOVE YOU, SAS-KUUUUUUN!
Announcer: I don’t see how so many girls like him; he’s friggin’ Sas-gay for cryin’ out loud! SON OF A –BEEP-!
Sasuke: I’ll kill you, Ari-san. 3nodding 3nodding 3nodding
Announcer: No threats to the Show Host, please.
Gaara
Gaara: I wish I wasn’t here right now.
Shikamaru
Shikamaru: This is so troublesome.
Kiba
Kiba: Yo.
-Akamaru in Kiba’s jacket: Ar, aru, arf, aruuu!-
Announcer: Um, Kiba, I don’t think pets are allowed …
Kiba: But Akamaru isn’t a pet, he’s a friend!
Itachi
Itachi: I’m watching you. (With my Sharingan, MUAHAHAHA!)
Sasuke: Wait, my brother’s here, too? AH, HELL! I CAN’T WORK LIKE THIS!
Announcer: Please, Sasuke, we need participation here … just think: this is a way you can beat him at something, right?
Also, Rock Lee
Rock Lee: HI! –Waves-
Last, but most certainly not the least, Naruto
Naruto: I’m am SO going to win this! BELIEVE IT!
Announcer: We also had Kakashi, but it seems here’s not here, so we just have to disqualify –
Kakashi: Wait, I’m here. Sorry I’m late, but –
Announcer: It doesn’t matter, Kakashi, just take your seat at your podium, please.
All right, now that everyone is here, let’s find out tonight’s categories …
---Lights up as I read them off---
Announcer: “Potent Potables” “Sandwiches” “Things You Like” “Greek Myths” “TV Shows” “Vegetables” and lastly, “Verbs” – which are actions, people, because I didn’t say “blurbs”, okay? We often get that mistake of “blurbs”. I don’t even know what a blurb is, let alone would I put it on the Jeopardy board! Anyway … Gaara is my favorite, so I’ll let him choose first. Go ahead, Gaara, choose a category.
Gaara: What the -beep-? Your favorite?
---A pause on my behalf---
Gaara: Whatever. Anyway, I’ll choose Sand Witches for 600. I’m kind of like that, right? I can control sand, like magic, which is like a witch …
Announcer: No, um, actually, that’s “sandwiches”; as in something you eat. Haven’t you ever had a sandwich?
Gaara: Just give me that damn answer for 600.
-Sand spills out of gourd and clouds angrily around Gaara-
Announcer: I love you Gaara, but man, are you scary sometimes. But, anyway, let’s see the answer. It reads, “There is peanut butter and jelly inside it”.
Gaara: That’s easy; what are tulips.
Announcer: Huh? –600 for you, Gaa-kun. Anyone else want to take a shot at it?
-Kiba buzzes in-
Kiba: What is a dill pickle?!
Announcer: Um, no.
-Kakashi buzzes in-
Kakashi: What are a PB and J?
Announcer: Close enough, because those are initials for it.Thank you Kakashi-sensei, you now have 600 dollars.
--Kakashi pumps his fist in the air--
Naruto: Hey, c’mon, I practically had that one! I could have gotten that! DAMN!
Sasuke: Shut up, dobe.
Announcer: Um, how about we move on to the next thing, eh? Kakashi, you get to choose.
Kakashi: Uh, how about Icha Icha Paradise for 800?
Announcer: That is not even a category!
Kakashi: Oops, my bad. How about Blurbs for 400?
Announcer: I already said, it’s “verbs” not “blurbs”! That’s it, I’m going to choose for you: Vegetables for 200. And it says, “It is orange-colored and grows in the ground”. Now think, people … what’s the only orange vegetable?
--Naruto buzzes in--
Naruto: Me!
Announcer: I didn’t expect you to get this since all you ever eat is ramen, but, Naruto … you’re not a vegetable, you don’t grow in the ground, and you may be orange, but only in how you dress, not how you actually are. Besides, you didn’t answer with a question.
Naruto: (We have to answer with a question?)What’s my score? –Am I winning yet?
Announcer: As of now, you have –200 dollars. Kakashi has 600 dollars, Kiba has –600 and so does Gaara, and the rest have 0 dollars. Is that clear with everyone?
--Random nods and blank stares--
Announcer: Okay, we have to have a quick break, and then we’ll be right back.
----Commercial of your choice … may be a toothpaste commercial, or a dog food commercial, or perhaps you prefer the depression pill kind? My favorites are the Red Bull commercials …----
Announcer: And we’re back with Celebrity Anime Jeopardy. Kakashi is in the lead with 600 dollars, so it’s Kakashi’s turn to choose a category.
Kakashi: How about Geek Meths for 400? (Strange, I didn’t know that geeks sold meth)
Announcer: Um, that would be “Greek Myths”, Kakashi. As in: legends and tales from the Ancient Greeks in Greece, you know?
--Akamaru pounces on the buzzer--
Announcer: I didn’t call out the answer yet! And what are you doing, Akamaru? You’re a dog, so you can’t play!
Kiba: Racist!
Announcer: That’s lovely, Kiba, insulting the Show Host. Thank you very much. Let’s move on, please? Kakashi chose Greek myths for 400. And it says, “In this myth there was a very strong human that was the son of the lightning god Zeus. His name starts with an “H” and ends with an “S”. There was a Disney movie about this character.”
--Itachi buzzes in--
Itachi: Who is Mickey Mouse?
Announcer: That would indeed be a Disney character, but not this certain one.
--Rock Lee buzzes in--
Announcer: Yes, Lee? You have something?
Rock Lee: I need to go to the bathroom, badly!
Announcer: Um, yes, well … why didn’t you go during the commercial break?
Rock Lee: I didn’t have to go then. But I have to go now!
Announcer: Oh, God. Just go, then.
---Rock Lee rushes off stage---
Announcer: (rubbing temples) Please, someone just give the answer. Someone just say, “Who (or what) is Hercules”.
--Shikamaru slams his fist on the buzzer--
Shikamaru: I love Temari!
Announcer: And may you two be very happy together. (Sighing) someone give me an answer.
--Naruto buzzes in--
Naruto: Who is Michael Jackson!
Announcer: Oh good Lord. IT’S FREAKING HERCULES, OKAY?!
--Sasuke buzzes in--
Sasuke: Can I quit? This sucks. You suck. Everyone here sucks.
Announcer: -.-‘’ (anime sweatdrop)
---Pause---
Announcer: By all means, yes, Sasuke, QUIT. (You d-beep- bag!)
---Sasuke shrugs and walks off stage---
Announcer: Someone pick a category, I don’t care whom. (Points) You, Itachi, pick something.
Itachi: Things You Like for 800. I’m feeling evilly lucky.
Announcer: O-kay then … The board says, “daily double – pick something you like that makes you laugh, and write it down on your podium screens.” That should be simple enough for you morons (except Gaara-sama).
Gaara: Huh?
---Rock Lee runs back in--
Rock Lee: (in a sing-song voice) I’m doo-ooone! Time to plaa-aaaay!
---I smack my head on my podium---
Announcer: Just resume your position, Lee. The question is: pick someone you like that makes you laugh and write or draw it on your screen in front of you. Now, go, everyone: do SOMETHING!
(Jeopardy music plays)
---Naruto sticks his tongue out to the side of his mouth and squints down at the paper while his hand moves across the podium---
---Shikamaru frowns and scribbles something down---
---Kiba pets Akamaru while Akamaru writes with the pen in his mouth---
---Itachi just sits with his arms crossed across his chest---
---Rock Lee smiles and draws something---
---Gaara stares blankly at me. I wink in return---
---Kakashi reads his book---
(Music stops)
Announcer: Now let’s see what you all got. Remember, this is double jeopardy, so whatever your score is, twice as much will be added or subtracted. This could make or break you all.
--Pause--
Announcer: Gaara, you have written: Sasuke with pink hair like Sakura’s and in a (probably) black dress, with slit wrists. Lovely; I agree with you that Pink-haired Emo Sasuke is something I also like and would laugh at. Naruto, you look confident, let’s see what you have … Oh, my. Naruto, how could you? Chouji isn’t THAT fat; and he doesn’t have huge tusks.
Naruto: But it would be funny if he did! I based this drawing after this walrus I saw!
Announcer: How nice. On to Itachi … Now that’s just pointless. You didn’t put down anything at all!
Itachi: That’s because nothing is funny to me; nothing makes me laugh.
Announcer: (sigh) Rock Lee, what do you have? OH MY GOD.
Rock Lee: It’s Shino in a Goldilocks dress! I think the ruffles and bowl of porridge really show character.
Announcer: Shikamaru … what did you put down?
Shikamaru: Kakashi-sensei making out with Gai-sensei.
---I covered my eyes with my hands---
Announcer: HOW COULD YOU FIND SOEMTHING SO YAOI FUNNY?!??!!!?! Kakashi, don’t you have something to say?
Kakashi: As a matter of fact I do, just one word for Shikamaru: SHARINGAN.
Shikamaru: Oh, -beep-! I’m outta here!
---Shikamaru scurries out of the room---
Announcer: (defeated look on face) Will this game ever end? –Ahem- Kakashi, I believe that I didn’t read yours yet. What do you have?
Kakashi: I wrote, “Sakura yelling at me for being late again”.
Announcer: It was something that you like that makes you laugh … You LIKE it when she yells at you? You think it’s FUNNY?
Kakashi: Yeah, her facial expression gets pretty darn funny sometimes. And some of the ways she accuses me of this or that is pretty hilarious.
Announcer: Your turn, Kiba. Wait … I can’t read it. It’s just scribbles! Did your dog write it?
Kiba: Yup. Isn’t he just so talented?
Announcer: I have to disqualify you, Kiba; your dog wasn’t even supposed to be here in the first place. And he can’t play for you! (Throws hands up in the air) You know what? I’m going to tally the scores now and get this all over with. I was nuts to think that the guys from Naruto would be good about Celebrity Jeopardy. Sheesh. We’ll be back after the commercial to see who the winner and 2nd-place characters are.
---Commercial, w00t!---
Announcer: And we’re back. Over the break I tallied the scores, but my director said that I have to do Final Jeopardy for the sake of tradition. So before we get final scores, let’s see what the topic is … (eyebrows raise) Are the writers trying to be funny? The topic is, “Things about Naruto”.
Naruto: ME?!
Announcer: No, not you, just the show in general. You have to write down something about the show. How stupidly easy is that? You could say something about yourself or a friend or whatever … too easy. So, go ahead, just write down something and wager something. While you do that, I’ll pray that the people of don’t run me off the Internet with an angry mob. And if they do, I pray that they don’t use pitchforks …
---Pause---
--Naruto buzzes in--
Naruto: There! Done! OH YEAH, I WIN, BELIEVE IT!
Announcer: You weren’t supposed to buzz in! And you don’t know your score, and I don’t know what you put down, so how can you possibly win yet?
Naruto: …
Announcer: (smacks head and sighs) Let’s get this over with. I’ll go quickly. Itachi, you apparently gave up; you have nothing written, and you wagered nothing. Why you even participated in the first place, I have no idea. Kakashi, you wrote down “My sexy mask” and wagered 10 million dollars. Yes, some fangirls would agree with the “sexy mask” comment, but you don’t have 10 million dollars. Naruto … you put down, “ramen”. Um, that only can count if you consider it part of the show because you eat it all the time. But I don’t think it counts. You wagered seventy bazillion dollars, which isn’t even a number. Gaara … you put down, “Arianna stalks me” and wagered “I will kill you if you touch me, Ari.” (Sarcastically) Thank you, Gaara, I feel so loved. Rock Lee … you put only one word: “conspiracy”. I don’t know why you put that, but you wagered the Kohana Hokage Mt. Rushmore thingies. Um, Rock lee, I don’t think you can bet that; it’s Village property. I don’t even think that’s a real name for them. Shikamaru and Sasuke left, Itachi has apparently taken no interest and given up, and Kiba was disqualified; so I’m left between you 4: Naruto, Kakashi, Rock Lee, and Gaara. And your scores are … oh just forget it. I lost track because almost no one got anything right. I’ll just let Kakashi win since I remember him answering correctly to the sandwich question. So, Kakashi, congrats and whatever. I’m going backstage and picking out the next contestants for myself. Hopefully the girls are smarter than you dolts.
Naruto: How come I didn’t win?! You know what, this was stupid anyway. I’m going to my room and eating some ramen.
Kakashi: What do I win?
Announcer: Whatever your total was. But I don’t know it, so I’ll just give ya 1,000 bucks, ‘kay?
Kakashi: Just one measly thousand?
Announcer: JUST WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!
---I stride off stage ---
--My little brother comes running out from the audience and asks for all the Naruto character’s autographs, and they start chasing him away---
Announcer: We, hello again everyone, and welcome back to Celebrity Anime Jeopardy! This is our second night of Naruto characters, and this time it’s the girls’ turn to play! Let’s bring them out.
Sakura
Sakura: Oh, yeah, BRING. IT. ON!
Ino
Ino: You’re going down, Sakura!
Sakura: No, you’re the one that’s gonna lose, Ino-pig!
Hinata
Hinata: (looking down at her feet shyly) Um, hi, everyone.
Temari
Temari: It’s not that I’m cocky, it’s just that you suck.
Tenten
Tenten: Let’s get this party started!
Announcer: If you notice, we have fewer contestants this time – well, that’s because it was too hectic last time, and half the contestants ended up leaving anyway (because in the end we were down to four). So this time, to keep things cool and under control, we have (a mere) 5 contestants. Now, ladies, I presume that you all know the rules, correct?
All at once: (yeah) (uh-huh) (‘course) (sure) (whatever) (yup!)
Announcer: Good. That means that I won’t have to scream and yell at you. Anyway, let’s begin by reading off the categor-
---A little dog is seen coming running from the audience---
Kiba: Akamaru! Get back here!
(Akamaru: w00f!)
Announcer: NOT THAT DOG AGAIN! SECURITYYYYYY!!!
---Men come running in to catch the dog. They fail. So, instead, they chase Kiba and the dog out of the studio---
Announcer: (under my breath) Can’t we ever get through a show without disturbances? (We just began, for Heaven’s sake!) –Ahem- Anyway, let’s continue, please. And the categories are:
---Lights up as I read them off---
Announcer: “Potent Potables” “Stuff Around The House” – In where I give you a hint and you tell me what common household object it is – “Times and Crimes” “Truth or Dare” – That is a new one, folks – “Colors” “History” and lastly, “Give It To Me Straight” – where I tell you something and you say if it’s true or false. Now that we know the categories, I’m going to choose whom to go first by alphabetical order, just to be fair. And first shall be … Ino. Pick a category, Ino.
Sakura: Heh, heh. Yeah, Ino, pick something … preferably not your nose.
Ino: Shut up! – Anyway, I think I’ll go with … His Story. Ooh, something about boys … that’ll be easy.
Announcer: Um, that’s History, Ino. In this case, we’re doing Japanese history, since you’re anime characters. Now tell me which amount of money you want to shoot for so that I can give you the question (or, rather, answer).
Ino: Uh, okay. How about for 200? That’s the lowest number, so it should be the easiest, right?
Announcer: Sure it is. Anyway, it says, “What people used to wear as royal clothing or everyday clothing, that is now only considered to be fancy or special-occasion clothing. Hint: It starts with a ‘K’ and ends in ‘mono’.”
--Temari punches the buzzer--
Temari: What is a Kimono!
Announcer: Wow. Correct. (I knew you guys would be sharper that those baka boys …)
Temari: Hell yeah!
Announcer: Okay, Temari, you get to choose now. What category? How much?
---Some boys in the audience start giggling---
Announcer: What? What did I say?
Random boy from audience: You asked her ‘how much’! Do you know what that could mean?
Announcer: (thinking) Wait … Oh, you retard. That’s is SO middle school. That joke is, like, a trillion years old. ‘How much’ … How much my a-beep-! (sigh) Fine, I’ll rephrase: Temari, please choose a category and the number you want to aim for. (There, is that better, you bakas?)
Temari: Yeah, okay. I think I’ll go with “Colors” for 600. That’s, like, the easiest thing you can do. So I should be able to get some more moola, right?
Announcer: “This is a shade of green what has an extremely long name. It is often mistaken, when spoke aloud, to be a shade of pink. Hint: Charlotte Obtuse.”
Tenten: What the heck? ‘Charlotte Obtuse’? What’s that supposed to mean?
Sakura: How can someone mistake green for pink?
Ino: (referring to her hair) You would know, Pinky.
--Hinata timidly and carefully taps the buzzer, just barely heard enough for it to buzz--
Announcer: Yes, Hinata? You think you know the answer?
Hinata: Um, yes. I-I think it m-might be Chartreuse? What Is Chartreuse?
Announcer: (shocked face) Amazing! You guys are so brilliant! I could freakin’ kiss you!
Anonymous boy from audience, probably the same one who commented about ‘how much’: YOU LESBO!
Announcer: Are you the same kid who yelled a rude comment before? Dude, I could SO kick your –beep-ing a-beep-! RIGHT NOW, C’MON, LET’S GO! (raising my fists) One more comment like that and I’ll … Don’t make me … I’LL …
----We’re sorry; there have been some physical difficulties. Please wait one moment----
Announcer: I apologize to our home audience. I lost my temper, and clobbered that one guy. He’s been taken from the studio and won’t bother us no more. Anyway, back to the show. The scores so far are Hinata: 600 and Temari: 200. The rest are 0. Since Hinata answered correctly, she gets to decide the category now. Hinata? What do you choose?
Hinata: (pointing fingers together) (slight sweat because of the pressure of being focused on to make a decision) (stuttering) Uh, um, w-well … I-I w-want … um … u-uh … umm … 400! “Give It To Me Straight”! Is that okay?
Announcer: That’s perfectly fine, Hinata. And it reads … oh, look! It’s the Bonus Daily Double! In this Daily Double, you don’t have to lose points when you answer incorrectly. Instead, you only gain them when you give the correct answer. This can save you a lot, I hope you understand.
Sakura: All right! Something fun! What’s the question?
Ino: I’ll so get you, Sakura. I’m totally going to get more points than you! I’ll answer this question correctly!
Sakura: (cocky) Oh, you think so, Ino-pig? (Inner Sakura: YOU’RE GOING DOWN, BEE-OTCH! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Announcer: Wow, you gals sure are competitive. … This is going to be interesting. And the Bonus Daily Double question under ‘Give It To Me Straight’ is … “Sasuke is a gay f**, true or …” HEY, WHO WROTE THIS?! This isn’t the question! (But I like it, bwahahaha!)
Sakura and Ino: WHOEVER WROTE THAT IS GOING TO DIE!
Announcer: Ladies, settle down. Um, anyway, everyone in the audience please pretend I didn’t read that. Can someone bring me the correct card? Please-and-thank-you-very-much.
---Someone walks in from backstage and hands me a new card---
Announcer: Here’s the REAL Bonus Daily Double: “The author of the famous book, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, was Agatha Christine; True or false.”
Tenten: Ohmigod, I LOVE that movie! The new one with Johnny Depp, you know? Ohmigod he’s so hot in Pirates of the Caribbean …
Ino: Oh, I know! I love the dirty pirate look.
Sakura: Like, how old is he, anyway?
Temari: (rolling her eyes) Psh, old enough to be your dad.
Tenten: Really?! Oh well, he’s still hot. Although not so much as Willy Wonka since he’s all pale and has an ugly hairdo. But he’s funny! I love the part, “Morning sunshine, the Earth says, ‘hello’!”
Ino: Yeah, that part gave me the giggles. And you know what? Ugly hairdo or not, he’s still hot no matter what, in my opinion.
Sakura: You think EVERY guy is hot, Ino. (And who cares about you opinion?)
Hinata: Um, sh-shouldn’t w-we be playing … ?
Announcer: Uh, YEAH, duh, we should! GIRLS, FOCUS!
All (except Hinata): Fineeeeee.
--Tenten flicks the buzzer casually--
Tenten: Uh, I’ll take a guess: true?
Announcer: Incorrect. The double is: “Who really wrote it?”
--Hinata taps her buzzer gently--
Hinata: Isn’t Agatha Christine an English murder-mystery novelist?
Announcer: Yes, but that isn’t what the question asked for.
Hinata: (looking down) I know. I was just making sure, is all.
--Temari hits the buzzer--
Announcer: Yes?
Temari: False; I think it was some Ronald Doll guy.
Announcer: Close … Anyone else wanna answer?
--Ino slams the buzzer while glaring over at Sakura (who has a puzzled and frustrated look on her face)--
Ino: Ohmigod! I got it: Roald Dahl!
Announcer: Correct! It’s usually worth the double of your current score, Ino, but since you have 0, I’ll just give you 400; which is what a normal question would be. Okay?
Ino: (grumbling under breath) Rip-off.
Announcer: I just want to take a minute to say how proud I am that you girls aren’t total dumbas-beep- like those boys we had on the show last night. Maybe this game will be able to actually get somewhere … Any who, it’s time for a commercial break. We’ll be right back, folks, so don’t go away –
Temari: Holy shi-beep-! Look!
Announcer: What? – OH. MY. GOD.
---Hinata covers her eyes---
---Tenten’s eyes widen---
Ino: Whoa.
---Sakura lets out a little yelp---
Announcer: GO TO THE COMMERCIAL! NOW!!!
----Insert commercial here. You all are probably wondering what was the big whoop all about. Well, you’ll find out soon enough. Oh, look – we’re back. Exit commercial----
Announcer: -Ahem- I apologize to the contestants for what happened before the commercial break. I assure you that the man who ran around naked with the sign around his neck that said, “I LOVE YOU ALL THIS MUCH! (Isn’t it long, ladies?)” has been caught by the police. He was arrested for sexual harassment, so don’t you worry. I also apologize to the audience who had the misfortune of seeing what was below the man’s waistline. Please forgive us. Um, anyway, how about we get back to the game, eh? When we left off, Hinata has 600, Temari 200, and Ino recently received 400. Since we left off with Ino, the board is hers.
Ino: Ooh, okay. Um, let’s see … Why not “Stuff Around The House” for 800? I’m feeling lucky.
Sakura: (coughing) I-bet-you-are.
Ino: (sardonically) What was that, Sakura? I couldn’t hear you.
Sakura: (shrugging it off) Nothing, I’m just saying that I bet you do feel lucky. You just saw some guy naked, after all …
Ino: Why you …! You know what? Let’s settle this right now, c’mon! We’re always competing, but I wanna see who rules it all! So let’s go! Right now! No pads, no helmets, just balls!
Sakura: Like the ones you sucked last night!
Ino: WHAT?! I just meant the expression, you bi-beep-! THAT’S THE LAST F-BEEP-ING STRAW! YOU’RE GOING DOWN, SAKURA!
Sakura: Bring it on, Ino-pig! You KNOW you’re not better than me. You know that you’re going to lose.
---they rise out of their seats and come around to in front of the board---
Boys in the audience, chanting: CHICK FIGHT! CHICK FIGHT! CHICK FIGHT!
---whole crowd stamps their feet on the bleachers in the beat of ‘We Will Rock You’.---
---I rush out from behind my podium, standing between them---
Announcer: Ladies, ladies … please … stop it. STOP IT. C’mon! We’re all friends here … Let’s just sit back down and play the game … We’re on TV, you know …
----Again, we’re sorry, but there have been more physical difficulties. But have no fear, things have been set right----
Announcer: (dusting off my shoulder and cracking my neck) Excuse us, we had some issues. We had to disqualify Sakura and Ino for violence against fellow contestants. We only have these three left, Hinata, Temari, and Tenten.
Temari: man, I thought that I was a tough chick, but jeez … They were all over each other, weren’t they?
Hinata: Um, l-let’s continue th-the game now, okay?
Announcer: Of course. Moving on. “Stuff Around The House” for 800. And this is the hint posted on the board: “You eat off of one of these.”
--Tenten buzzes in--
Tenten: What is a shovel!
Announcer: Huh? That doesn’t even make sense!
--Hinata buzzes in--
Hinata: Uh … um … uh … well …
--timer sounds--
Announcer: I’m sorry, Hinata, but your time is up. (sigh) Temari? Please tell me you have an answer?
Temari: A man’s chest?
Announcer: Good for you.
--pause--
Announcer: You know what? Let’s go on to Final Jeopardy. The category is … “Your mom.” WTF?! AGAIN, I GET THE WRONG CARD?! That’s not funny. That’s not funny at all. Where’s my real card? Someone, please, the REAL card.
---Guy comes out from backstage, laughing hysterically (I think he was the one who wrote the ‘your mom’ card), and hands me a new laminated card---
Announcer: And the TRUE category is: “Things You Do When You Wake Up”. Okay, so all you have to do is write down something you do in the morning after you wake up. Girls, pick up your special pens and write down an answer and a wager down on your podium screens. Please do not let me down. I’m counting on you to not be like the boys before you. If you must, draw a picture of whatever if you can’t spell something. Just do anything that won’t ruin this poor game show’s reputation.
(Jeopardy music plays)
---Temari smiles confidently and scribbles down something---
---Hinata slowly picks up the pen as if it was a sharp knife and carefully holds it as she writes---
---Tenten has this funny look on her face as she her hand moves across the podium screen---
(music stops)
Announcer: And now let’s see what you have written. (To Hinata) What do you have? Oh, okay, it says, “brush teeth”. Well, that’s a correct answer, so I’ll take it. You wagered only 400, I see. Good for you, Hinata, your total score is 1,000 (600 plus 400). And what about you, Tenten? What did you write or draw or whatever?
Tenten: “Eat”
Announcer: Well, yeah, ‘cause you have to eat breakfast. I’ll take that. What did you wager?
Tenten: “Rock Lee”
Announcer: …
Temari: (laughing) Eat Rock Lee!
Hinata: How can you wager a person?
Temari: (still laughing) Because she owns him!
--another pause--
Announcer: (uncomfortable) We’ll be right back.
----last commercial. Isn’t this just weird? I feel bad for poor Lee …----
Announcer: And we’re back. We left off during Final Jeopardy. Temari was about to be next. Temari?
Temari: I just wrote: “Bed”
Announcer: But the topic was for after you wake up.
Temari: yeah, well, I usually don’t get outta bed. I either lay awake in bed or I fall back asleep. I only get up for school (and even then I am late or I skip a day) or training. But other than that, I stay in bed.
Announcer: Um, okay then … what did you wager?
Temari: (laughing) Well, I didn’t put down Rock Lee!
Announcer: (grinding teeth in frustration with how long this is taking) So what did you wager?
Temari: 80 million. Hellz yeah.
Announcer: …
Temari: So, who wins?
Announcer: If anyone, I guess Hinata does. But you know what? I don’t care anymore! Things always seem not to go how they’re supposed to. I’m going home, folks, and eating lots of chocolate in front of the TV until I explode. I’m Arianna, and this was Celebrity Anime Jeopardy. Thank you and good night. (I need an aspirin. Or ten.)
---I begin walking off stage, heading for the exit door while hold my head---
Tenten: Hey, wait! That wasn’t anything like how it should end! I had some good answers! Hey, get back here! Arianna! ARIANNA! And what about Hinata? Dioesn’t she get her money? AAAAARRRRRIIIIIAAAAAANNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
Hinata: I … won?
Temari: Well that was pointless.
Tenten: And what about Ino and Sakura? Where did they go when they were disqualified? Don’t they get anything for participating?
Hinata: I … w-won.
Temari: See y’all later. (peace sign)
---Temari leaves---
---Tenten runs after Ari---
Hinata: (still sitting in podium in shock) Did I … win? I won? Right?
Audience: YES, YOU WON, HINATA!
Hinata: Huh. I g-guess I did … (looking down as she hops off the stool and walks around the podium) So … what now?
Announcer: Last episode I thought that this was all a bad dream that I could walk away from and forget forever … But unfortunately, I was forced back here by the television station and reviewers (NOT THAT I DON’T LOVE YOU ‘CAUSE I DO THANK YOU FOR REVIEWING!) –Ahem- Anyway, we’re back again tonight with the Naruto special of Celebrity Anime Jeopardy. I convinced the television station that this was all too much for me and that I needed help, so they let me invite a good close friend of mine to be a Co-host … everyone please welcome SORA OF KINGDOM HEARTS (2)!
Sora (co-host): Well hello everyone, how ya all doin’ tonight?
Fangirls in audience: OMG, OMG -- IT’S SORA!
Announcer: Hey Sora, thanks for coming out; you saved my sanity.
Co-host: No problem. (And what a VERY welcoming audience, heh heh.)
Announcer: Anyhow, it’s time to bring out the contestants. Sora, would you like to do the honors?
Co-host: Sure. Let’s bring out …
Kabuto
Kabuto: (wigging out) Where’s Lord Orochimaru?! He’s here, right?!
Announcer: Chill four eyes, he’s coming!
Orochimaru
Orochimaru: (walks in) You’re all pathetic. Oh, and as for all you infuriating fangirls out there, SASUKE’S MINE!!!
Tsunade
Tsunade: . . .
Gai-sensei
Gai: DYNAMIC ENTRY! (flashes a smile) How is all the wondrous youth out there? Doing well, I hope?
Itachi’s Akatsuki partner, Kisame
Kisame: (mouth open like Pacman) OM NOM NOM!
And finally, Jira—
Jiraiya: JARAIYAAAAA’S HEREEEE! WH00!
---Rin (serendipity) throws a tomato from the audience---
Rin: BURN THE PORN! BURN THE PORN! PERVY SAGE’S BOOKS MUST BURN!
Mysterious hooded stranger by the exit doors behind the audience: Someone say ‘burn’? (dark mischievous smile)
Jiraiya: Hey—what are you, 12?! 13?! You aren’t even OLD enough to read my books! And who said that they were porn? They’re just … exotic.
Rin: (crosses arms) HUMPH! Erotic is more like it!
Announcer: (laughing hysterically)
Jiraiya: (frowns and ignores Rin)
Co-host: (scratching the back of his head) Um … o-kay … Well, anyway, how ‘bout we start the game show finally? Arianna, care to read off the categories?
Announcer: (stops laughing at Jiraiya) Ah … haha … -Ahem- Right, right … back to the show … And the categories are: “Potent Potables”, “OCJ Quiz” – in which you are asked questions about the Original Celebrity Jeopardy from Comedy Central –, “Smog and Littering”, “Times and Crimes”, “Music”, “Famous Titles”, and lastly, “Johnny Appleseed”.
Co-host: To see who chooses first, I wrote down the name of each of the contestants and put them in Donald’s weird hat … I hope he doesn’t mind that I borrowed it … Drum roll please! (drum roll sounds) … And the first person to choose is … TSUNADE!
Tsunade: … I don’t want to, thanks.
Announcer: B-but Tsunade, this is a game show, you’re supposed to participate and –
Tsunade: I didn’t even want to join in this game thing; Just like how he talked – or rather, forced – me into being the Hokage, Jiraiya made me come.
Announcer: He didn’t force you to, you decided all on your –
Tsunade: That’s only what they led you to believe!
Co-host: Huh? What?!
Announcer: -.-‘’ (anime sweatdrop) Um … Sora, why don’t you choose someone else?
Co-host: (nodding) Okay. And the person to choose first shall be (instead) … (chooses a slip of paper from the hat) GAI-SENSEI!
Gai: OMG! LEE, DO YOU SEE THAT?! THEY TOTALLY CHOSE ME FIRST!! TAKE THAT, RIVAL!
Kakashi a.k.a. “Rival” (watching at home): Oh dear Lord … (sweatdrop)
Lee (in audience): (jumps out of his seat) (thumbs up) GO GAI-SENSEI! (HeartsHeartsHearts!)
Gai: (thumbs up to Rock Lee) And as for my choice … Johnny Appleseed for 400!
Co-host: And the card says, “What does the legend say it was that Johnny Appleseed did that made him famous?”
Pengie shouts from audience: WHAT IS TO PLANT APPLES AROUND THE COUNTRY!!!
Announcer: Hey, you’re not supposed to give out the answer!
-Kabuto buzzes in-
Kabuto: What is to plant apples all around the countryside?
Announcer: No, that doesn’t count! That person just gave you the answer, so it’s like cheating!!
Co-host: Um, how ‘bout we don’t give Kabuto any points but let him choose the next category?
Announcer: (mumbling)(crosses arms) FineYeahSureWhatever.
Kabuto: (pusses up glasses) Let’s see … why not Music for 800?
Co-host: Oh, look, barely into the game and you hit the Daily Double! Do you wan to read it, Arianna?
Announcer: Oh, uh … yeah. –
Co-host: You seem a little out of it this episode, Arianna.
Announcer: Well, I had to deal with two rounds of all of this already! It seems to always be the same … (sigh) I apologize. I’ll be more upbeat, I promise. –Ahem- Aside from that, here’s your daily double: “Write the lyrics of the second verse (after first chorus) of the song ‘Champagne’ by Sugarcult”!
-Orochimaru buzzes in-
Orochimaru: “Love is like Novocain, and it leaves a little stain; the beauty in all this pain is: I can’t get away from you so pull me down … don’t make a sound.” And then the second chorus. (blush) … Not that I’d know, of ‘course. I mean, it’s not like I know that song … um … I just … uh … hear Kabuto play it all the time! Yeah, that’s it! Kabuto plays it! (pretends to glare at Kabuto)
Kabuto: XoX‘’ … ME?!
Orochimaru: (whispering) Yes you, and if you don’t play along with it I’ll feed you to my snake.
Kabuto: (shuts up)
Kabuto: (in a bad-actor voice) Yeah ...right. It’s my entire fault. Yes. All mine.
Co-host: 0.o … (shakes head) And we’ll be back after a short break.
---- (to the –somewhat- tune of ‘Peanut Butter Jelly Time’) IT’S COMMERCIAL TIME, IT’S COMMERCIAL TIME! COMMERCIAL, COMMERCIAL, COMMERCIAL WITH A BASEBALL BAT! COMMERCIAL, COMMERCIAL, COMMERCIAL WITH A BASEBALL BAT! WHERE YOU AT; WHERE YOU AT; NOW THERE YOU GO, THERE YOU GO; COMMERCIAL! COMMERCIAL! COMERCIAL TIME!!----
Announcer: And we’re back! Since Orochimaru gave the correct answer (-cough-, without the help of the audience, -cough-), he gets to choose next. G’head Cold-Hearted Snake (haha, that’s a song) pick something.
Orochimaru: Hmm … I choose … Time for Crime. Because it’s always time for crime in my book. Oh, and make it for 200, since I’m already ahead and don’t need that much more points.
Co-host: I believe you mean Times and Crimes, Orochi.
Orochimaru: Hey, whoever allowed you to shorten my name?!
Announcer: (coughs) Well then, why don’t we look at what the board has to say? “In the 80’s, what was one series of movies that was about a bunch of murders to stupid teenagers?”
-Tsunade punches her buzzer-
Tsunade: Nightmare on Elm Street! Oh, I just love Freddie movies … I live how it scares the s**t out of kids.
Co-host: (backs away slowly) C-correct. 200 to Tsunade. Which means you have to pick a category.
Tsunade: Nah, I’ll pass. But I can see Kisame over there just itching to choose. I mean, just look at him fidgeting in his seat.
Kisame: Nom?
Announcer: Sure, okay. Kisame, what category do you want? And for how much money?
Kisame: OM NOM! NOM, NOM NOOOM!
Co-host: WTF. (raises eyebrow)
Announcer: Sorry, what was that? I couldn’t understand –
Kisame: RAWRRR! (jumps from his seat and launches himself at the audience) NOM NOM NOOOOM!
--Audience screams, some running out through the exit doors--
Gai: have no fear, everyone! I’ll save you! Dun dun duhn-duuuun! GAI TO THE RESCUE!
Announcer: (cupping my hands around my mouth) Security, security! Hostile contestant on the loose! THE SHARK KIND!! Code orange, code orange!
Random security dude: Nah, I think I’ll let Gai handle this one … after all, he has mad kung-fu fighting skills and I don’t.
Kisame: (sucking on someone’s head) Nohmf? NOHM! (un-attaches himself and runs away from Gai)
Kisame: WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA (Pacman noises)
Announcer and Co-host: (slams heads on their podiums)
Jiraiya: LMAO ROFL LOL!
Kabuto: Oh dear Lord. Who let him into the Akatsuki, I wonder?!
Orochimaru: I’m glad that I left the Akatsuki; I never had to deal with that psychopath.
Tsunade: 0-0
---Kisame is hauled out of the building, his jaws snapping together every so often---
Announcer: -Ahem- Why don’t we try and remove that bizarre scene out of our minds and continue the game, yes? Sora, pick someone to choose, please. (rubs temples) (Man do I have a headache!)
Co-host: Eeny, meeny, miney moe; catch a tiger by it’s toe; if it hollers, let it go; eeny, meeny, miney, moe. Jiraiya, you’re “moe”, so you get to pick!
Jiraiya: (smiling and thinking of Sean Connery in CJ) I’ll take famous titties for 600.
Co-host: (slight giggle)
Announcer: (slams forehead with my palm) HAHA, very funny! (growls) And Famous TITLES for 600 reads, “This was a movie in both color and black-and-white, that includes a golden brick road, a young girl with pigtails, and little black dog.”
-Gai-sensei slams his buzzer down with his heel by means of a VERY HIGH kick-
Gai: (eyes watering) Ah-ha-ahh . . . um … OUUUUCH. Oo0o0o0o0owww …
--timer sounds--
Co-host: I know that that HAS to hurt. And BADLY.
Announcer: In pain or not, his time ran out, so someone else has to –
-Kabuto buzzes in-
Kabuto: AUSTIN POWERS!
Co-host: LOL I LOVE THOSE MOVIES!
Announcer: It’s not that hard, for cryin’ out –
---Pengie appears on the stage---
Pengie: The Wizard of Oz, whee! (sings as she skips off stage) “We’re off to see the wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz …”
---Amei links elbows with Pengie and skips around with her---
Pengie and Amei together: “Because, because, because, because becaaaaause … all of the wonderful things he does, DO DO DO-DO DO DOOO!”
Orochimaru (OOC): OHMIGAWD YAYYY! (links arms with Rin who appears out of nowhere and the four of them are singing and skipping, singing and skipping …)
Co-host: (trying not to laugh) Hee … Someone go to … heehe … commercial …!
Announcer: Oh screw it. I’m done trying to be a good Show Host. WAIT UP YOU GUYS!
---I join the Wizard of Oz group---
----Narrator: “Are you tired of not being able to be the couch potato of your dreams? Are people forcing you to get up and exercise, or stop stuffing your face while you watch TV, or always kicking you off the Internet when you’re watching something on youtube? Well, now any more! Introducing our very reliable product, Work-B-Gone! It guarantees that you will be the fat lazy a** you always wanted to be! They are handcuffs with FakieSmart microchips, allowing you to program them to handcuff you to your beloved TV set or computer. Their StretchyStripe fabric ensures that you will be able to move freely and feel very comfortable. There is even an ExtendoArm attachment to the handcuffs that will personally reach into your fridge – no matter how far away it is – and get you your desired snack or beverage! New Work-B-Gone from NASA … BUY IT TODAY!”----
Co-host: And we’re back. Arianna seems to have given up on me a little bit, because she’s over at her podium drinking … what, again?
Announcer: (sugar-high voice) Ch0c0laaaate MiiiLK! I LiiiKE CH0C0LATE MiiiLK! Haha … Cheese. And Bloo. I LOVE BLOO HE’S SO FUNNY, HAW HAW.
Tsunade: Is there sake mixed into that chocolate milk?
Co-host: I sure hope not. (sweatdrop)
Jiraiya: Hey, I’ll take Snogged Ladies for 800.
Gai: Isn’t snogging a British term for … er … OH, I get it now.
Announcer: (giggling) A lil’ sl0w in teh intake, eh?
Co-host: Jiraiya, it wasn’t even your turn to choose! And it’s Smog and Littering … not Snogged Ladies … (sigh)
Announcer: LET’S DO TEH FINAL JE0PARDY!!! w00t!
Co-host: I think that’s actually a good idea, Arianna.
sweatdrop
View User's Journal
salema's little black book... warnings:read and or die.....no...SEROUSLY GUYS DONT READ!....okay.....
fanfictions, potery,stories,life and death stuff....
OH AND.....I KNOW DEATH PEOPLE!!!!!
he is my friend......
 |
