I cry myself to sleep at night. This started out as a poem, but after the first sentence I couldn't bring myself to write something that rhymes with it.
Rhymes make things less painful. When something is so painful that making it less painful strips that thing of its meaning, you can't make a poem of it.
I'm just going to write whatever comes into mind and we'll see where it takes me.
Ever feel like you were worthless? Like you were a pathetic excuse for a living creature? Like you didn't deserve to live because you didn't appreciate any of life's miracles?
That's kinda how I feel right now. I feel useless. I want to end my suffering, but I don't want to die. For as long as I can remember, I've only had one thing I really, really wanted in my life. And for the 23 years that I've already lived, not once can I say that I've had it. Not once can I recall ever being truly happy and staying that way for longer than a few days.
Life has its ups and downs, but somewhere deep down inside, you know everything will be better because you have someone at home who you'll spend your life with.
And if you don't, somehow, deep inside you know you'll meet that person someday. Or you downright don't care.
I have neither of those. I have nothing. I feel like nothing. I feel like there's nothing inside me, like I've got nothing to hold on to.
Someone told me, not so long ago, that I should hold on to my feelings and eventually stand up again. Another person told me that I shouldn't drown myself in the darkness and that I should take care of myself.
Everyone is missing the point. I have no interest in taking care of myself.
When I was a kid, I had this dream that I wanted to protect every girl in the world. The older I got, the stronger that feeling became.
I want someone to hold close, someone who relies on me, someone who loves me and someone who feels safe in my arms. I want someone who completes that missing part of my heart.
And the longer I wait, the more painful it becomes...
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