Dear Someone who may be conserned,
Hello there, Who ever is reading this. I was feeling lonely and though hey why not talk to myself for an hour or two ^ ^;;. Today has been a blank day not much going on, for one thing I cleaned up my room real good as in takign all my drawings and pictures I take and oranizing. Hm aside from other things tho I am worried about life. Life in which I wonder about whom I will come to Love and or be with perhaps even keep as a friend / lover or w.e comes my way, I fear ending up alone for all time somewhere not in the place I would like to be. I hate some people and that even worries me. Sometimes I hate to be Bi- Polar. Its fustrating and sometimes a relief. Esspecially when I am so sad its like SUISIDE. but then a good song comes on and I am swaying to the beat. Or someone calls on the phone and I think back. "Why did my thoughts ever come to that. Perhaps to many bad entities with me. I don;t know for sure really. I just hope there is hope for me. I miss him. I shouldn't but I think nash was right about what he said on the train. Sadly oh well the truth hurts. Saddest part about this whole thing is I sit here in the dark typing ranting about all this s**t I keep locked away. Writting here or in my journal. I supose I want to keep my own records. I forget real easily. Just as I can like someone then hate them just as easy. Poor steven. I wonder if that will ever mend trully. That emotion toward his is just well out there for some reason. I don;t understand tho. Many people I know have gone and left then, alot have came and stayed. I found a few people again. And now the top 5 things on my mind are 1) Death 2)My mystery love 3)Friends 4)work 5)Smoking. What a way to have life set out for myself. I hope i turn out alright. Cuz this is trully not how I pictured life out. I wonder tho. Is this really what we all are mean for, Just to keep waiting and waiting?
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Just a reminder about upcomign events, stuff to do in work and stuff that happened you know the works.
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