Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Its past midnight, and I honestly don't know what else to do, xbox just seemed to not keep me entertained anymore.. Now im sitting here, a man with too many thoughts in his head. Senior year band camp. Holy s**t. The years have flown by, since my first day at band camp freshmen year. I've always been under the arm of baritone section leader Kris, and now, the low brass section is looking to me to lead them.. It's a scary thought.. Me, leader. The other section leaders, I've told this to them, and I'll tell those who actually read these: I have the fear of not being able to lead this section. It's something I can overcome if I try, but its the fact that I have some of that fear. The other leaders think I'll be a great leader. I know my section, quite well if I say. Low Brass, the section where we're all friends and we don't let the drama of the other sections intervene with our goals. I'm sure that they have faith in me.
This year, Mr. Rob is stressing the more unity factor. Sections pairing up when teaching the fundamentals, keeping the sectional pride from coming out too much, etc, etc. I think this is a year where we can do much better than the past, but I can't do that all by myself. Hopefully the others will pitch in so we can achieve the goals we set this year.
On to another topic, since marching band wasn't the only thing I had on mind. The whole "dating" concept, it confuses me all so much. From trying to let go of the past, to finding someone else that's actually interested in me. Lol, good luck with that. The first part, I'm slowly drifting away from it, but it's like pulling a knife out of your body, very painful. And the second part, like I said "good luck."
All of this has done a number on me. I'm surprised I haven't started popping pills or stuff like that, but I'm strong. Well, maybe not that much, but common sense is still on my side. It's costed the majority of my happiness, and I'm not the same as I once was. What do I do at this point? Well, I drink this bottle of Dr. Pepper, and try to move on and find someone. How long will it take? Honestly, I don't care. One step at a time, best thing I can do at the moment. People have told me it doesn't take long to move on from the past. Well it might not take long, some people are different. Some of them, when you date, you feel like you're at peace, like you did something right, and when the plug is pulled, you break down completely. I seem to be the one who takes the majority of the pain in these situations. Why? Good question.
I put on a smile, and try to have a good time when I'm out. I do, a lot of the time, but others, I can't hide how I feel. People notice my drop in mood. I guess it'll pass over once things decide to start looking better for me in that perspective. But all I can do is hope. Love makes us do stupid things, but all that matters is that in the end, we don't die alone.