I've been on gaia for years now and I never seemed to quite make a journal or for the fact meet a lot of people. My grammar may be bad, as my keyboard is English (US) and at times I'm not to sure of what is on my mind. You could say, I rarely know what's on my mind. Thoughts come and go and my imagination wanders into the clouds. We'll start here:
Hello, my name is Chanel pronounced like the expensive french make-up and perfume, it's a name that I'm not so pleased with and at one point in my life I had named myself `Nny. A character from an a really graphic and childlike comic Johnny the Homicidal Maniac and `Nny was his nickname for short. At that point in my life I was badly hurt in the head, not from a physically visible injury but an emotionally, energy depriving depression only worsen by under the sink chemicals and over the counter drugs. I hated life and I hated anyone around me that was happy, I always thought I had nothing to be happy about. Life wasn't that great but it wasn't no bomb shelter. Days went by like years and the only time I felt bliss was when I had my drugs, ecstasy. I loved that word, I loved the feeling, I loved the happiness, if I could go back, I would. But if anyone told you good things don't last forever, they where right. From 3 constant years of almost everyday abuse my mind had tricked my body into thinking that anxiety attacks, panic attacks and 3 separate voice in my head other than my own were normal. The drugs that made my depression disappear had also made myself friends that at times would mock me, hate me, love me, tell me better, put me down and protect me and never leave me alone. The mocking was hurtful but the feeling of never being alone made me feel more human everytime I woke up. Mm, I think I need sleep. c: