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you know, I noticed no one but my boyfriend reads these things. I don't know, I guess I'm not interesting enough...I'm here today to write about how my boyfriend is moving once more farther away from me. He did live in west virgina which was only 3 hours away from me, but now he's moving to Texas...Texas.....Why? Why am I being torchured like this....Why will I barely be able to see him....What did I do to someone to deserve this pain? Who did I hurt? What did I destroy? I don't know why, I guess God just likes to sit back and laugh at my mistakes in life. I bet if I wrote saying I'd commit suicide, no one would read this entry until a month or two after my death...I never seem to find happiness, or when I do it's taken away from me...No Mercury, you can't be happy, your not allowed too be happy. My last day of school is tomorrow and right when I thought I could visit my bf this summer that is being taken away from me....why, what do I keep doing wrong!? scream I listen to my Queen songs over and over, I listen to his voice over and over, I go to bed endless nights thinking will I live to see tomorrow? Sometimes I really do wonder if I will see tomorrow. Anything could happen...The tree next to my room could fall over, I could be diagnosed with cancer tomorrow, a car might hit me while I'm taking a walk in my neighborhood...Anything could happen. I don't even know if I'll ever be happy in my life. I'll probably die as a lonely woman who all she has left is her talents taht no one will have truely noticed until shes died. I only want what I can't have, I only need what I don't want....I wish I had pictures of myself or a camera to post on here but I don't sadly. I wish I had a camera but I don't...Oh, but yet my friend who quit one of the best schools around has a digital camera, a close boyfriend, and a happy life it seems. Why do I pick such complicated things? It's bad enough that I have aspergers syndrome which makes me feel alone in both my world and the real world...I wish I was happy, that is one thing that I wish out of all my wishes, is to be happy. but for some reason I'm not allowed to be happy. I listen to happy music, I draw happy things, I own happy things, but for some reason they don't help me... No matter waht I'm not allowed to be happy, once I"m up, someone pulls me down...I'm sorry I have made this long journal entry...And I'm sorry I'm such a bother or a bore to others. And I'm sorry for all the things I do wrong in this life.