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Soul: Soul Search

by Nix Winter

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or Heero Yuy, or Duo Maxwell. I don't even own Relena. I'm just writing for my own enjoyment and the possible enjoyment of the people who frequent this fandom.


Notes: I've given up on chapters. It's been too long since the last one came out and I'm just going to write from where it appeals to me. Thanks for baring with me.




Heero Yuy had been a guest in Duo Maxwell's house for nearly a week. A lot had happened in those six days. What had started as mostly an instinctive urge had mysteriously turned into being alive again. 'Alive, and very confused,' Heero thought.

The first day had been almost like being in the war for Heero. Bleeding and hiding, running on base survival needs, with Duo helping and being his light, while he was the stronger of them, the knight, the fighter, and yet, Duo wasn't the sneak attack thief that he'd been in the war. Heero was still alone, but Duo wasn't.

Love had flashed brightly between them again, as soon as Duo disabled the hard wired mind control network, just like he'd done in the war. They'd made love. And then…. Duo had received a call from his older child. Voices had raised. Alex had chewed on her lip. Duo cried when he was screaming angry. It wasn't the first time Heero had seen that, but this was different somehow. Before, it had been Heero that had made him so angry and Heero had known how to fix it.

It was this, this not knowing, even remotely, how to fix things for Duo, that had made all the years they'd been apart come crashing down on Heero. Apparently they'd crashed pretty hard for Duo as well, who had shut himself up in his office, leaving Heero standing in the hall way. That had been four hours, sixteen minutes, and thirty-five seconds ago.

As far back as Heero could remember, which wasn't all that far, as pretty much everything before his serious reconditioning and training in the war was gone, he'd always known what to do. He knew when to eat, sleep, fight, study, modify his internal programming and even after Duo had cut him off from his programmers, burned out the hardware they'd implanted in his brain, he'd known what to do by watching Duo, by imagining what Duo would do.

Maybe that's where it had all gone wrong, in that last battle, when he'd decided for himself that he'd never kill again. Duo couldn't promise not to kill again, as Duo was already being recruited by the Preventers. Heero would have followed Duo into the Preventers. Not killing was dangerous, reckless even, and he could remember back to the though path that had lead him to believe that he could not be Duo's companion if he could not protect him.

Relena had promised peace. She'd promised to understand and guide him. She'd promised to take care of Duo so that Duo would be safe. Relena lied. Somehow, Heero felt that Duo lied too, but he couldn't say when, or why.

"He's not coming out for a while," Alex said, standing mid way up the stairs, her hair now a very bright blue color and cut much shorter.

Duo's children were very complicated as well, and Heero's lips went tight, the room spinning around him, no matter that he told himself it couldn't be. "I will wait for him."

"Whatever. I'm going to Benny's. We're watching some movies. Tell Dad I'm not gonna do my homework because I don't want to."

"I will tell him, but I don't think acting like that will help you. How will you make good choices if you do not gather enough information about the world?"

"It hasn't helped you and Dad all that much, has it? Maggie's acting like a freak too. As far as I can tell, I'm the only normal one out of all of us and I'll just keep it that way."

"I do not think blue is a normal color," Heero said, feeling even more confused.

"Yeah? And standing perfectly still is normal? Sulking for hours is normal? Maggie's ranting in email to me about how Dad was in the war and he didn't tell us. So what? She's brilliant, but she hadn't figured out that Dad was a grunt in the war? Everyone was. He's just too proud to have us know that he ran around doing pointless s**t for some mouthy officer."

"Duo Maxwell was a gundam pilot and a great hero," Heero said, offended that she should think Duo had been some statistic. "At your age he…."

Heero never finished what he was saying. Duo's office door opened with a snap and the fist that followed hit Heero's jaw like a armor piercing bullet hitting six foot of reinforced Gundanium. Heero didn't move, but his eyes went wide and blue and surprised, innocent to the point of ignorance and tears sparkled on his lashes.

Duo's eyes narrowed, violet homicide distilled into a protective force field. "Shut up! Heero!"

Alex dropped the vid disks she had been holding and they cascaded down the stairs like tinkling punctuation. "Dad?"

The hand he'd punched Heero with now holding onto the doorframe, Duo looked from Heero to his daughter and went pale. "s**t."

"Why?"

"I don't know," Duo said, shifting his weight with a loud thump of metal as one leg positioned in the hall, burnished gundanium showing through a rip in his jeans. "It's just the war was the past and I wanted nothing more to do with it."

"What else Dad? I mean, you were a gundam pilot. You probably murdered lots of people and you're sleeping with the President's husband. Anything else you want to tell me about?"

"No," Duo said, chin dragging towards his chest, "I think that's about it. What did you do to your hair? Not that I care, but you know it's banned at the main school center."

"You want to tell me what Maggie was really so upset about?" Alex planted both hands on her hips.

"Maggie got an email from someone with some video of me in the war. She was a little pissed off."

"You think?" Alex turned around and stomped back down the stairs, leaving her videos on the stairs.

"It might not have been wise to withhold information from them," Heero said, feeling another moment of rightness coming up within him, as if he just knew what was right and knew he wanted to do it because he wanted to do it, not because he was being told to do so. "Duo, I want to report Relena. What she did to me was against the law and I'm not above the law, but the law is meant to protect me too. Will you help me do this?"

"Report the ******** president of the Earthsphere for using illegal technology to make he husband love and protect her? I'd rather just kill her."

"I don't want to kill anyone," Heero said, his voice young.

All rage gone from him, eyes full of tenderness as he reached out for Heero's face. "I'm sorry I hit you."

"It didn't hurt," Heero said. "Will you help me?"

"Yeah," Duo said, fingertips gliding across Heero's soft face. "I'm all for law and justice. I'm tired of hiding anyway."

Heero slid closer to Duo, pulling him close, until they were body to body. No child, Heero slid his fingers into Duo's hair and closed into a kiss. Awkward, both of them with lips tight from pride and sense of will. This time it was Duo who softened first, opening as Heero's tongue slipped inside, urging, dancing. This kiss was Heero's kiss, another moment where he felt strong and right, knowing his own mind and will. The kiss melted into a hug, where they just stood there in Duo's house, holding each other, neither of them knowing completely what the future could hold.