|
|
|
I just sent naaman off for his last day of preschool for this school year. no more early mornings for about 8 weeks. However, in this time, I need to get preparations made for next year. I need to find him an eye doctor, get a vision screening. We need to go for another yearly physical. It's been about a month and a half since i took him in about the ringworm. It's mostly gone; but i want someone to look at it and tell me if that last bit of skin abraision is gonna go down. Hopefully it isn't the type of rash to leave a permanent scar or anything. He has a birthday a week from this coming friday. I really need to get into some serious potty training with him hopefully before the end of the month. If necessary, I might need to take a week off of work for it. like.. a M-F kind of thing.
I've not yet gone back to bed like I normally do. I decided to have time with my Jesus this morning. Lately, I keep feeling him calling me to spend more time with him.. just to pray, read his word, listen to praise and worship music. I also feel a call to go back to church. At first, I was finding awkwardness in my soul about going back because people there can be... funny about people who come back. In any case, I have been working with the Lord; and he is giving me the strength and courage to be willing to go back despite those fears and feelings. He is helping me to find a willingness to confront those things. I have ran into something of a great irony. When i was out of church, I often see people from my old church come into my store. They always say you should come back, yada yada yada... but now i want to go back, I call people for a ride. Oh! Noone can do it!!! stare xp how funny is that? In my heart, I feel that is just the enemy putting obstacles up to withstand me going back. Or, maybe it's just that going back won't be easy at all.. but something i'll need to put extra effort into.. because i need to want to be there enough to find my way back. That's fine.
I am listening to a few tracks from Shalom Jerusalem. I'd love to find a copy of this on ebay or something. I've looked online for an integrity site.. but i guess integrity music has changed their company or something. In any case, I am reading Psalm 33 adn 34. a verse that really seems to jump out at me is behold, the eye of the Lord is upon them that fear him, upon them that hope in his mercy; to deliver their soul from death, and to keep them alive in famine. and I am reminded of the widow woman whose home the prophet happened to pass by. In the middle of a famine, the Lord visited this poor woman. And, every day for the rest of that famine, there was enough oil and grain to make a cake for her and her son. The Lord's ability to sustain those who hope in him. When I read that verse this morning; it just touched my heart so much. I almost started to cry. that part that says "upon them that hope in his mercy." Geez... is that not the story of my life the past five years... lol. sweatdrop Always do i hope in his mercy. It is by his grace and his mercy in my life that my life is as good and wonderful as it is. My life is far from perfect. A lot of people from the various guilds i am in; they say about how much they like the stuff i have to say and the wisdom i seem to have. LOL>.. and i try to tell people. Those things if they are at all true haven't come without the trials and tribulations in my life to bring those qualities otu in me. xd
Hm... sometimes i often remember a testimony I've heard. I have this tape of a morning singspiration our church choir did once. And, it was my old church.. one of the best things there is their music.. but anyways, on there is a testimony from a lady named Lori there. She talks about how she was going through some hard times in her life.. and then pastor reed [who went on to be with the lord, bless his soul] preached a message about a little cup of oil and grain.. how even in years of famine, god is able to provide for us each day what we need. so, every day she would wake up and pray and say to herself.. God's gonna give me what i need to day to get through this day. And she says she went through a long hard time... and was finally at a place where she was able to glance behind and see the mountain she's passed. She always said it was because of his grace and mercy in her life daily that gave her strength to make it.
The things in my life are very different from things in her own. Still, I have been thinking on that. He will give us each day what we need... even in times of famine. And.. while the US isn't in a ridden state of poverty and destitution. My boyfriend was laid off of work @ thanksgiving. This was a huge thing because he supports me a lot. I would have to say at least a third of my livelihood is provided by him. For almost six months, he has been out looking for work. This past week, I was fasting soda one day to try adn have a prayer breakthrough. Ya know.. whenever you are praying and fighting it out in the spirit... and you just feel like you are not winning.. try fasting. anyways, that day, he got a call back from someone finally. So at least once a week, I'm gonna pick something i like a lot..a nd give it up for a day. like last week, i did two days with no soda. I'm gonna also experiement with no chocolate, no chips... maybe two days without buying any snacks at the end of the night at work.. oh man that's hard.. cuz i'm always starving there.... but... maybe just maybe that would help give me the edge i was feeling like i'm lacking. I might try to get josh to join in some fasts with me also. If we can both unite in prayer and fasting, I really believe we'll see faster and more dramatic results.
I'm going back to bed now. But, I feel like my soul has had some communion with Jesus this morning. I just really love him. His presence in my life is so imperative for me to ever be happy at all. I feel him even now... and i feel tears... not of sadness... but just of relief and the comfort of leaning on him. sometimes trust him in "times of famine" isn't always easy. and those famines come to each of our lives in their own ways sometimes. But... he is able to give us what we need today.... amen...
 Graceangel · Tue Jun 07, 2005 @ 01:25pm · 2 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
