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In the midst of the holiday season, I've been so caught up in the hustle and bustle of merrymaking that I haven't had time to even realize that the year is drawing to a close. Though, nothing ever truly ends, so I have yet another year to look forward to...another dawn of success...and another sunset of failure.

My mother loves to attempt to put me through guilt trips. Her favourite one was always reminding me of how she had "saved" me. She had started to have a miscarriage 3 months into her pregnancy with me. She was rushed in, and there was no reasoning behind why she was having the miscarriage. The doctors had told her that I was dead and that she should have an abortion. Yet, as stubborn as she is, she told them to check again. Sure enough, there was a weak heartbeat to be found amongst the bloody wreckage. Due to a skilled team of Canadian doctors (yep...just another reason to Blame Canada. wink ) and after 6 months of her being in bed, flat on her back, here I am. She reminds me how that time was hell. It makes me wonder sometimes...does she regret having me? Does she wish she would have just believed the doctors and let them perform the abortion, even though I was still alive? This is only a minor question on my mind. Would things be different for the people I know if I didn't exist? Would they be better off, or in a worse state than they are now? All of the loves I had lost and all of the ones I had gained...would they be different?

Sometimes I go through and wonder why they even bothered...why couldn't she have just went through with it. I would probably be in a more peaceful place right now. Then I remember something...how glad I am to be alive.

Though Thanksgiving has passed, I suppose that I can truthfully say that even though living has been the most painful experience ever, I wouldn't have it any other way. I can honestly look at those who have came and went in my life and say, "Thanks for making me real."