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It's that time again! Time for me to rant about things that probably only make sense in my mind. Time for everybody else to wonder what I'm going on about. Muddle through it if you can. I'd like some useful feedback on this. Yes, I know this is the internet.

So...damn. Things beyond my control. Things that have already happened that can't be undone. Are they bad things? Unfortunate, but not bad, and I've still got technicalities I can ride that will at least partially salvage the situation. I hate using technicalities, though. They're so...well, cheap. Like a technical virgin. You know, the girls that take it everywhere but the v****a and think they're somehow still virgins. Yeah, those. I can't stand those. I'm not here to rant about those, though. I suppose I'll do it some other time. No, what I'm here about...you know, I can't really say it verbatim. One, there's a very good chance only one person reading this would believe a word of it. Two, it's not the sort of thing I should talk about with anybody who's not involved. This could be difficult, then. "Could be," nothing. This is going to be difficult.

I have never felt so helpless as I do at this moment, even when backed into a corner, figuratively or otherwise (especially otherwise). The strange thing is that I know I shouldn't be experiencing that particular emotion, yet it's the only thing I can dredge up. Anger would be great. If I could get angry about this, I could figure out some way to cope with it, but even then I wouldn't be able to solve the problem. That's probably what's really getting to me this time, is that there's literally no way to solve the problem. Like I said, it can't be changed at this point. I mean, damn. I spend so much of my time solving other people's problems for them, and when it comes down to it the reason I haven't solved any of my own problems is because the ones I have can't be solved. Could that be it? I have no idea.

Self-examination is a pain in the a**. That's why I do it where other people can be aware of it. It forces me to really think about what I'm saying so that I don't look like an idiot.

"The characteristic of genuine heroism is its persistence. All man have wandering impulses, fits and starts of generosity. But when you have resolved to be great, abide by yourself, and do not weakly try to reconcile yourself with the world. The heroic cannot be the common, nor the common the heroic." That's a badly rendered Emerson quote, if you didn't know. I like the part about not reconciling yourself with the world. I've tried not to. It gets hard being Mr. Straightedge, but it sure does make me feel superior to people who can't have a good time without getting roaring drunk and passing out in their own vomit. There, that's what's bothering me. It's all the people I know who don't put any effort into working on their flaws. I get called a hypocrite a lot for telling people off for doing things I disapprove of when I, myself, am guilty of some of them. Gee, am I really? Could it be that I'm not perfect? Human, even? Holy crap, I never saw that coming! I might not be any more perfect than anybody else, but I try. That's what I've learned. Results are fantastic, but people want too much without putting any effort into it. I work on my flaws, dammit. I try. That's more than I can say for so many unfortunates I have the dubious pleasure of associating with. "Oh, that's just how I am," they say, but I say they're idiots if they think it's okay to go around flaunting what's wrong with you. I fly the heck off the handle and deck people sometimes. I beat a guy almost to death once. There's a whole 'nother rant in there about people talking too much and doing too little, but I don't want to get into that right now. I've figured it out. It's all this "living with my bad points" crap that I have to put up with that's driving me up the wall.

When did negatives become something to flaunt? When, will somebody please tell me, did it become okay to say "that's just who I am" and not do anything to try to fix what's wrong? It disgusts me, it does, when some asswhacker walks into the party soused (one person reading this knows what I'm referring to) and acts like it's the funniest thing ever. That's just an example. I've seen worse.

Look, I could be like everybody else and live with my flaws, but I like to think of myself as being better than that. That's not arrogance, that's me pointing out that, as a person, I'm worth more than the prats that go around stealing everything in sight and not feeling bad about it. You're filth, is what you are, if you live your life like that.

I've rambled. I'm in a bad mood. Live with it. On second thought, I don't want feedback, because anybody who reads this probably has some amazing rationalization of why it's okay for them to be screwed up, and I don't want to hear it. I'm going to try to calm down now, before I need to break something.