It seems like a reoccuring theme that all the gaia people just continue to leave my guild. All my friends who i knew for at least a year... they go on conquer, we get them some good gear to start. some money. get them their starter levels and stuff... then.. once they get @ lvl 40-50.. all of a sudden.. they leave. they go off to whatever. and you know.. if it was just one person or a few. maybe it wouldn't feel so bad.. but even when your closest friends decide to choose another friend in another guild over being with me. it just really makes me feel messed up. I mean. I found out that some friends had left the guild recently. The one person I didn't even know they had left until i happened to run into them. Wow. that's such a nice way to find out someone left me... at first, i wanted to be mad at teh girl who ran the guild they went into. It would jsut be such an easy way out to be pissed with her and hate the entire guild forever. But, I started to talk to her, and after talking with her, she offered to disband her guild. and i told her i didn't want her to do that on my account... and I told her it wasn't her fault at all. the people who i am distressed over.. they made choices. she didn't make their choices for them.
It has made me reflect on the kind of friends I have here. I think from now on. If someone wants to be called by me as one of my real friends.. they are going to have to step up and perform just a little bit better than that. I want loyalty out of people because loyalty is what I give to others. I mean.. Look at the people I have persevered for... like toffer and DA_BONES... people say they aren't worth it. yet... I'll still try.. because I happen to think everyone has some value. My heart wants to redeem even the people who seem worthless and beyond the reach of goodness. I am a nice caring person. I am there for my friends all the time. I try to be the best for them that I can be. Maybe some people don't feel friendships carry over between games/sites? I think they should. If they are really your friend for the right reasons they should. If in another game or setting, they suddenly aren't quite the friend they were to you. Chances are... they were never your friend for the right reason. They were only your friend for what you could do for them. When they find a new person who can do more for them.. they throw you away. Suddenly, you're not so important.
Well, this is how it makes me feel. I mean... for a while, It's been even making me almost feel like leaving my gaia family. Just to disconnect from all of that. I would probably never leave gaia... but.. I just want more. I feel that I give my friends enough of myself that I should be ok to want them to be willing to do the same for me.
And.. the guild. I did step down. gave the run of it over to Gaunt. But... I do still do a lot as far as being one of his advisors for how to handle various situations. I know some people left the guild when i stepped down. sad that is kind of sad. they never wanted to be in there with me to begin with. they only did something out of obligation.
I mean. I don't apply this to everyone.. but people who are really really close to me. I can't stand when they suddenly meet someone new and they basically choose to be better friends with that person over me. even though i've been there for them.. and been there to help them solve their troubles and whatnot.
I would like to say that MrPenguin is a pretty cool character.
Well, I suppose it's ok. Cuz, in irth online where i test that game, i'm gonna set up a lore based guild soon. Avarian National is its name. I hope to take the same enthusiasm to irth. and On Irth, most of their players are a lot more mature and community minded than on conquer. hopefully that will be a lot more worth my efforts than Knights of the Round has been.
what is funny tho.. a number of people on the server still come to me about problems. they say even though i stepped down. they see me as the leader still. One guy even said that to him Knights of the round = graceangel as far as he was concerned.
 Graceangel · Thu Jul 14, 2005 @ 02:58am · 2 Comments |
