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okay....so i was just on gaia and was lookin in my old journal entries and found one called emotions and something burst forth from my mind or something like that and before you go any farther you gotta read it. read it? okay so i thinkin about all those memories and realized that last summer i locked all of those fealings inside so tightly i barley even thought about them but reading that just weakened teh door and now those fealings are flooding through me like a tidal wave......i cant believe i almost forgot....about everthing!about how things were and how i felt......back then even if u were a geek and didnt fit in it was okay and nobody cared and everything was okay and even when you were sad...or angry...u still did it together with the people you loved the most and u felt like you belonged.....back then our minds were barely catching a glimps of what the world really is and that shock is the greatest ive ever know...to know that the world isnt safe. isnt perfect. isnt the happy cheerful place where nothing goes wrong.....and now i can only thank god that i was with the people at wainwright when all that s**t went down becuase i cant image myself going through those two or three years any wer else.....but...i didnt know that i was holding all of this back until now and it kills me......it kills me becuase i dont want to remember all of this but i have this unquenchable thirst to just go back...to just stay there...to just melt into my memories and even now while i sit listening to a sad song about three years later my hands trembleing at the keyboard my mind flashing from memeory to memory ....the very same memories that were locked up for so long are filling me up and just when i feel i am about to burst i think.....oh god.....im forgetting....when you love and cherish memories like these and realize that you are slowly forgetting and loseing all feeling you think oh god.....no....youre mind is silently going into chaos and wondering if you will ever forget so much that all you remeber is a small fleating feeling of happyness...and you think o well and walk away and then youre mom walks in and tells you to go to bed and i am brought t o reality my memories still fresh and intoxicating in my mind so that i can barely say yes i think about all that has happened since then ......and....and i reealise that in a year or two i will be laughing with a freind and showing some journal entry when i see this and the fealings start to rush and i am lost once again to this crazy power that makes me sad happy some how sane......well...good bye memories until next time.


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