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It's HELL.
Watch mom carry in tons of junk. "What's that?" "Oh! I got some cookies to bake, some eggs to dye, some egg dye kits, it'll be fun! Jim's going to come over tomorrow and play Easter with us. He bought some steaks that he's going to grill for us and he remembered that you were a vegetarian so he bought you some salmon steaks!"
"That's so sweet of him," I said and turned back to my photoshop project (turned out terrible.)
I really, really hope that this guy isn't like mom's last boyfriend. We moved, several times, to escape him. Mom changed her number, several times, to get away from him. But she was the one who kept giving herself back to him. Even though he wouldn't leave his wife for her like she had left her husband(my father) for him. A drama, really. Mom... isn't one to keep promises of any sort. I still remember asking her when I was small, close to tears, "Mom, are you and dad going to end up like Shelby's (my god sister) mom and dad (my godparents, got divorced)?" She replied, "Oh baby, nooo, I'd never do that to you. Your father and I just fight sometimes is all. I promise."
BUT THAT'S THE PAST.
I'm just a little worried about this guy. He seems super-sweet for the hippy, cardio surgeon he is. He has a little dog. And an ex-wife. And I think he lives in an apartment. He isn't cheating on anyone with anyone, he doesn't smoke (I think), he doesn't get drunk off his rocker and park his car in the driveway yelling at mom over the phone, so I call him pretty okay so far.
After this, mama tells me to get dressed up for church. And I reaaaally don't wanna. I got off wearing jeans and a dress shirt though. -Looks at pictures.-
I've lost a size or two in my pants, but my pants have not. DX -Needs new pants. Again.-
Church gives me a weird feeling. It's one of those feelings that throws you into a pit of lonliness where you feel like you just want to cry your eyes out in the arms of someone that cares and then maybe stuff your face with comfort food (the feeling that hit me when I knelt down to pray). Usually this happens when I go places where someone's speaking about life, you get to thinking about life, and I guess life just likes to come up and give me a punch in the stomach when these things combine. But I usually recover fast from these things--Wait, no I don't.
So, my day. And honestly it was still good. If anything, I'd have to say that I am happy right now. Maybe 'cause I'm pretty much shutting down the bad thoughts before they get to my head. Pretending the everything's hunkey-dorey is what I'm good at. Maybe that's why I've been having so many dreams.
So many many dreams.
And they're all weird. And have me looking for something/someone alone. But I can't remember what they were about later in the afternoon. Morning? Sure. Noon? A little. Now? Nottatall.
But it's okay because the dreams I've been having lately are about me, so they wouldn't make good stories.
Nightnight journal~ -Dies dead.-
 bittersweet93 · Sun Mar 23, 2008 @ 05:22am · 0 Comments |
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