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*crying* i'm sorry but i really need someone to just talk to. it's really not fair! i feel so alone. i've felt this way for a while but then this guy, Serek, started talking to me so i didn't feel lonely aymore for a bit. Then he stopped talking to me but jon would call me almost everyday so i didn't feel lonely. for about a week no one has called and no one talks to me online. not even my friends. they're all busy doing other things. it really sucks, i hate this! why does this feeling have to come over me like this! it's like a heavy blanket was thrown on me and i can't take it off!

*sniff* if you were here, would you let me be alone like this? would you leave me too? would i still have this feeling even if you were with me? even if i already knew who you were and where you were? even if you knew me? it's a really depressing thought isn't it? to think that even your soul mate, the one your waiting for your whole life, even he would leave you alone.

*grabs hair* ugh, i want to scream, yell, something! i don't know! this aweful feeling! i hate it! no one knows i feel like this. oh, someone might come along and read this in the jurnal, but they don't know me. no, and it doesn't really matter to them either. they would read it, and hate it because it's not a poem like i usually write. then they will send me a pm saying how they don't like it, or they might put it in a comment, or they might ignore it all together, letting me be this way without another word or second thought.

*sigh* i've often thought that maybe i should just give up. maybe i should just forget about every one and be by myself all the time. then when there wasn't any one it wouldn't matter anyone because i wouldn't need anyone! but now i'm wallowing in self pitty! that's wrong and needs to stop.

it would be nice to know who you are, how you're doing, and what you are feeling right now. dana is doing the same thing i am. she's writing to the one she loves in a little book and when it's all filled up and there is no more empty space on the pages, she's going to give it to him. she knows who her love is. and he loves her. isn't that sweet? i think they are going to get married. i hope they do. they are really good for eachother. i'm glad she's found him and he's found her.

maybe someday soon i'll find you. maybe you'll be at the collage i go to. or maybe we'll work at the same place. maybe you'll be someone who happens to come by and read these and think the girl who wrote them seems special and we'll start talking and then you'll ask to meet me and things will go from there. haha yea right. i'm a hopeless romantic, wouldn't you say? haha

i feel better now that i've talked to you for a while. getting all my feelings down on paper (vitual paper, i guess *shrug*) has really help me. thank you for listening (or reading...whatever) where ever you are, i hope you are well and happy.

God bless you, love...