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Today i feel like rambling... but before i go on with about a page or two of nothingness.... I'll tell you about my day. Well i woke up and went online for a few hours (...I have no friends in wisconsin crying ) untill about 5pm when my mom came home and we took my sister Cozette to the park. I had a great time there playing with her, Going down slides and pushing her on the swings... It was just great! Afterwards, when I got home, i ate a creampuff and got back on the computer. <Rambling shall commence now!>
See... nothing much, just like usual. I swear, nothing really interesting happens in my life... i have no deep dark secret that i need to tell anyone before something horrid happens... No Crazy hap-hazard days with my friends... Theres not an ounce of drama in my life. I guess its because i use alot of forethought... I think a little too much... And i swear, I have lost all human emotion.... I just laugh at everything. I remember awhile ago i was watching the news, and it was talking about a woman who died protecting a friend. Apparently she screamed to the guy "What are you going to do? Shoot me?!" and the guy shot him. but i didnt laugh for five seconds, It was like 5 minutes straight! afterwards i just felt so horrid about it.. but then i started laughing about me feeling bad about it. I dont know whats happened to me lately, but somehow human saddness and pain illudes me... i just laugh it off. I can't even feel anger, even when my ex girlfriend told me that she got drunk and cheated on me... I wasnt even a slightest bit angry, but the scarier thing was, I didnt even feel anything about it... i was just numb...
Sadly thats the reason that we broke up, she told me that I didnt share my feelings enough, but the day that we broke up, i felt something.... Heartbreak. And for those who dont know, thats worse then saddness... Of course i somewhat got over it, but even now that feeling of hurt still lingers. I think its quite sad... I can only quickly fleeting happiness and the constant cold linger of hearbreak.
Quite frankly, the only thing that I think keeps me from just going into a deep depression is my optimisim.... even as i wrote the last sentence i thought to myself "I would make a great ninja" I guess there has to be a reason that i am the way i am.... In my life it seems that everything has its small point... no matter what it is.. I guess this is just one of them.