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I woke up a little late today, but I didn't give myself any time to wake up before hopping into the shower. After I got out, I felt really cold. Like really, deeply cold. So I grabbed my thickest, warmest blanket and moved to the warmest room in the house but I still felt cold. Not on the outside, but on the inside. I couldn't seem to warm up at all until later today, after I got home from the doctors. (Yes, I had to go again. And will in a few more weeks, probably.) But now, again, I am freezing cold. But this time I'm feeling a bit shaky. Maybe I'm getting sick. My throat did feel tight for a while, I've been having some bad headaches, and I've been having a lot of strange dreams that are hard to remember. Let me tell you what they were like, just so you can see how very odd they were.
The first night (three nights ago) I dreamed that I was at some huge art school located near a lake. I got to know a student, and she introduced me to many of her friends. But whenever we were near her friends, she acted like she hated me. We took a walk by the lake and she ended up grabbing me and jumping into the lake with me. Which scared me a lot but she just laughed and laughed with such a warm smile. She felt almost like an older sister. After that she got cold and distant again and I followed her around the school for a little while (since I'm the clingy, follow around type especially when I'm not familiar with a place and someone else can be the leader), but she turned and gave me a mean glare and walked off. After that, I sighed and walked away in a different direction, when I woke up.
The second night, I had a dream where I was told that I must help out and work for the teacher of an art class. (Why am I dreaming about art? Dx) The teacher was pretty nice, but acted like he didn't want to do anything but watch movies during the class. The students in the class were also very kind and watched the movies with me. There were windows and outside of them I saw huge walls of rock that were all sorts of red and yellow and brown colors. They were actually very bright. I ran out of the room and outside only to be stopped by my father, who told me that I had to go home. I told him I didn't want to go, but he dragged me off anyways. And I woke up.
And honestly, I remembered last night's dream this morning, but it's gone now. But I don't think it was about art school.
I'm really really hungry, even though I've eaten more than I should have today. Things get so confusing when you eat breakfast at 11, lunch at 3, and dinner at 8PM. I'm used to 8, 12, and 5PM Dx But when I wake up late, eat a late breakfast and lunch and then am offered dinner at 5 again, I don't feel like eating anymore. But then my mom comes home and says, "I worry about your eating! I'm not here, I don't know if you're even eating, and it worries me. So you must eat something now." Usually, I end up eating dinner right after lunch when I wake up so late and mama complains. TT~TT But then I get hungry again. Like right now. I'm going to get fat again. ;3; Goodness help me if my dad pulls what he did a few summers ago and makes me go un-veggie again. "You're not healthy! You're going to get an eating disorder. You NEED meat!" >3<
But whatever.
-Tummy grumble.-
I don't wanna eat. T~T
I still haven't been able to draw something and call it good yet. I don't know what my drawing ability thinks it's doing. I never said it could have a vacation too. Especially since I was going to get 3 times better by the time of next year. I promised myself I would practice. Just drawing on every piece of paper I have should do it. But if I can't draw right, then I can't really get better. I guess I'd be lucky if I could get back to where I was last month DX But at least... I'm not as bad as I used to be. I found some of my drawings that I thought were good a long time ago and now, I'd feel like dying if anyone ever saw them.They're bad. But since my bedroom floor is littered with drawings, I can't say the really bad ones are extinct yet. (And yes, I can't even see my carpet from beneath all of the drawings That I've just tossed aside or let fall off my dresser. I'm not very tidy.)
I think I've tortured whoever is still reading this enough. Night journal. Probably won't have much to say about tomorrow xD
 bittersweet93 · Thu Jun 19, 2008 @ 06:16am · 0 Comments |
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