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my life is in here.....now to surch for my reason to be....

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The reson i deside to stay alive... I...I just can' t take it anymore! There killing me...both of them...tormenting me...making my pour thousands of tears......all ways threataning me...saying"I' m not done with you....OR your going to regret it! God' s going to punish you!Do you want me to hit you? ... cry ....All thos words...all the pain created by THEM! I' M GOING CRAZY! TO DIE SEEMS LIKE MY ONLEY OPTION for peace...but...i don' t want to die...but i deserve it SO MUCH!!!... I once tryed to run away....but they kept on fallowing me like the stupide lost kid i am! I HATE MY SELF! I HATE THEM SO MUCH!!!! There allways putting me down! They don' t help me...NEVER will! I...they make me want to DIE SO MUCH.....SO SOON!!! GOD' S GOING TO KILL ME SOON!!!...i know it! ...But i have FRIENDS....friends that make me stay in this poor poor world on pain and misery.....not against my will, i saty to live with them...my friends...the onley thing that' s left for me here......what will happen....will i live?...will i survive from god' s filthy hands?......will i die?...maybe...maybe not?....I don' t know...i just desirer to live in peice with my friends and my angel......We' l see if i' l keep on living.... cry Shenrod Usolemn... the Devil him self twisted

Posted by: Shenrod Thu Aug 25, 2005 @ 02:45pm

I still live the days~Yahoy

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Hikari-chan the Neko
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Commented on: Thu Aug 25, 2005 @ 04:06pm


	Abusive parents? Hey, you aren't alone in that fight. Me too, ya know? I know it sucks, but suicide isn't the option. I haven't known you for long, but all ready I feel like I can really identify with you. We have a lot in commen, yeah? ANyway, trust me. There are so many people out there who care about you (just look at all the comments on your 1st journal entry!) and if you killed yourself we'd all be so sad. I'd probably cry again, which is saying something because I've forgotten how to cry. This isn't God's punishment, either, and you're not the devil. Someone as sweet as you couldn't be. YOu're such a beautiful person, I know angels are watching over you. So don't loose the will to live. It's tough, I know, but your life isn't yours to dispose of. Only yours to live as you choose until the appointed time. Please, my friend, don't give up. We can get through this together. I know we can. YOu're not alone, you never are. God's not going to kill you, you have to beleive he loves you. I'm where you are too, but I stopped blaming God. It's not his fault. It's only the abusers fault. So don't despair and don't give up. HUG I'm here for you, don't let go.

Commented on: Fri Aug 26, 2005 @ 01:38am


	~glomps u~ hey babe dont be sad u know we are here for u ne time...dont worry i wont let u die... RUN AWAY ...RUN AWAY TO TEXAS!!!!..srry i just had to do that ne ways..dont worry as long as u have ur friends and angel i think u will survive for another 40 years...~giggles then licks u~ its ok we love u for who u r not for what u do

Yune_Rin
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Persocom PCN-676-4
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Commented on: Fri Aug 26, 2005 @ 11:46pm


	cry ..NOOO! gonk DONT FEEL SAD! You know me loves you! Whenever you need me, just Pm me you know that right... And dont die! DAMN IT! You die-I die.If not physicly , then menntaly...

Commented on: Sun Aug 28, 2005 @ 12:32pm


	Hikari: You don' t really get it do you stare ...........God hats me! And there' s no other feeling he has for me...and you don' t know how much sometimes it' s hard to continue living....don' t forget...living my life is a sin. Kit: But sometimes...no...all the time...every single little thing i do is a mistake...I' M A MISTAKE! Haruko: what ever stare ......why should i PM you saying my problems....it would only put negetivity in your day....and you won' t die phisicaly nor mentaly...you' l continue living your life happy like if nothing ever happened.

Shenrod
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Persocom PCN-676-4
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Commented on: Sun Aug 28, 2005 @ 11:23pm


	Your being mean to me right now! evil If you want to live as a mistake , fine, then you want me not to care, then I wont ! talk2hand crying

Commented on: Tue Aug 30, 2005 @ 06:47pm


	dude you beter hold on on that rope of life...cause if you don't you'll see me in your paradise or hell...so you better not hurt your self...your ""parents"" doesn't even worth the pain of your death..so don't forget what your brother said...don't forget what spikey man said...

CoffeeBeardedGuy
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Hikari-chan the Neko
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Commented on: Wed Aug 31, 2005 @ 02:29am


	I really wish I knew how you came to this conclusion of God hating you...

Commented on: Mon Sep 05, 2005 @ 03:06pm


	Haruko: Sorry...i' m only able to creat misery.....sighs.... Spykey: I know but you have no idea how hard it is to live with them... cry ...And you too better not give up...only 2 years to freedom! Hikati: I just know it...moments....

Shenrod
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Hikari-chan the Neko
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Commented on: Mon Sep 05, 2005 @ 03:17pm


	I wish you wouldn't be so gaurded. What moments? If you don't want to say it here you can always say in in the pm's.

Commented on: Wed Sep 07, 2005 @ 09:37pm


	Hikari: no...it' s O.K. ....i' m...i' m just....not....good...not...O.K....

Shenrod
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Nayr15
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Commented on: Sat Sep 17, 2005 @ 12:53am


	eek

Commented on: Fri Sep 23, 2005 @ 05:51pm


	Oh Shenrod Shenrod Atleast your house isnt being destroyed by hurricane Rita, like mine...

Persocom PCN-676-4
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Shenrod
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Commented on: Sat Sep 24, 2005 @ 04:04pm


	..........sighs..............i really do complain too much!!!

Commented on: Sat Sep 24, 2005 @ 08:22pm


	wow...I know how you feel...I've been through somthing like that befor...I have also considered suicide...I almost fulfilled my thoughts...but I was pulled back by my friends...and they really never knew that I was going to go through with my plans but I was offered friendship and accepted it...I have never told anoyne about my thoughts on suicide...but I guess now I kinda have...well...just don't commit suicide...or have someone kill you...I pretty much know the pain you're going through...I mean...I know the pain but I don't actually know what's going on...but...yeah...smile I just want you to smile...please

MewMew01
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Shenrod
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Commented on: Wed Oct 05, 2005 @ 09:25pm


	...but...i feel so much like dieing and accept the things that will wait for me but......there' s so much things i' m not ready to leave here.....not yet...but...is there someone thst is in charge of all this?.....never mind....

Commented on: Wed Oct 05, 2005 @ 09:42pm


	There is someone in charge in a sense...if you want to continue your life...then you are in charge for this sitchuation at least!

MewMew01
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Persocom PCN-676-4
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Commented on: Sat Oct 08, 2005 @ 03:18pm


	HEY! ^^ I have an idea! If your tired of your parents aand all the things you camplain about, why dont you come and stay with me in Russia for a while! I think it could be awsome. But its a far way though. And the tickets cost hell! gonk But Im inviting, so consider. LOVE! Haruko-sama

Commented on: Tue Oct 11, 2005 @ 11:26pm


	ok this is sarah!!! S A R A H!!! okk just wanted to make that clear.... now to do what i was going to do... ha! i dont remember oh yeah...yeah yeah my gaia name was banned gonk ok well i wanted everyone to know I LOVE SHENROD heart YOU GIRLS BETTER BACK OFF TOO!!! GRRR scream HE IS MINE mrgreen ok now that i got that out. sweatdrop well i just wanted everyone to know how much i love him heart _ heart love heart sarah lee pennington heart

Shenrod
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Persocom PCN-676-4
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Commented on: Tue Oct 11, 2005 @ 11:46pm


	Awww....why was it banned??

Commented on: Tue Oct 11, 2005 @ 11:57pm


	why else....because some people reported her!!

naughty_lil_school_girl
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Persocom PCN-676-4
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Commented on: Wed Oct 12, 2005 @ 09:01am


	Damn people gonk stare 3nodding

Commented on: Wed Oct 12, 2005 @ 09:52pm


	the reason she was banned is righten on her siggy...this is what it says: /forum/posting.php?mode=delete&p=422972489 Message to user: Dear foxy_baby_cakes: Your account on Gaia Online had been blocked for the following reason: Dear foxy_baby_cakes: A warning had been placed on your account on Gaia Online due to the following reason: You have posted material on the Gaia Online forum which had broken the Terms of Service agreement Furthur warnings will result of your account being blocked. I still don' t get it...She too doesn' t know why she' s banned... confused Anyway.....wow...it' s like if ppl are starting to read my jurnal agin!......or the coments sweatdrop

Shenrod
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naughty_lil_school_girl
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Commented on: Thu Oct 13, 2005 @ 12:12am


	sighs yeah she didnt do anything bad, so she shouldnt have gotten her account taken away, some people are just kids here who report everything.

Commented on: Sat Dec 31, 2005 @ 06:33am


	Sarah was here (L)_~ Look I'm sorry I haven't been on, don't think I have forgotten about you. Everything isn't going the way I want it to and I'm grounded for like ever. Don't worry I love you so much. I don't wanna lose you. Please hang in there.

Shenrod
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The Oogie~Boogie Bear
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Commented on: Mon Jul 10, 2006 @ 02:54am


	You'd better not kill yourself! I'm sorry if this is being harsh but your being REALLY selfish! Do you know how many people you'll be hurting by dying? You'd hurt ME! And I KNOW your pain, you know that LITERALLY every day I am yelled at at least 4 times a day. You know why, because I was born out of wedlock, because I'm a constant ******, because I didn't cook, clean, and pack within 45 minutes! ETC!!!!!!!!!! I know how you feel and do you know that every time I get yelled at/ slapped/ or choked, I LITERALLY turn NUMB inside! I don't even listen because I know they're all lies to hurt me, and every time I wonder why won't I just off my self? Then I think of you, and my friends, and the life I want once I'm free from they're hell! I'm gonna live, i'm gonna get an education, I'm gonna have a family, and I'm gonna die an old woman who may have some physical and mental scars, but that's it, they're just scars! I love you, and if I find out you have killed yourself I WILL off myself, just to piss you off! I'm not trying to throw some pit-party for myself, I've already stopped that cause it doesn't do anything but put me further into my depression. When you turn 18 you come down to the states and saty with me for a while! 3nodding** Just 4 years till college and maybe you and I can go to the same universities? Can you say 'dorm party?' It'll be fun, just keep thinkin' positive and remember what you want in LIFE not in the MOMENT! I love you honey, you keep PMing me and if you stop talkin, I'm gonna come up there and MAKE SURE your still breathing!

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