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Okay... so... i'm sorry i haven't posted for a long time... guess i've been sorta busy... well... let's see.. since last monday? i can't remember anything that happened... class rings did not come last week so i'm still hopin' this week... the school week was ok... pretty good for the most part... boo ya! another 4 years of Bush kicks a** blaugh ummm... so i think everyone is a little more relaxed with the election over... talked to cherry a lot last week about going out... and talked to jake (if you don't know who he is he's my like ex love whom i think i still have feeling for) and talked about going out with him too lol... but he has a girlfriend so that all got scratched... so umm... sorry cass just called so i lost my train of thought umm... so the election happened... talked to some guys about going out... was doing pretty good with the whole benji and i situation (i'll tell you in a bit why i'm not anymore) *clears throat* and then... thursday night i went to the school musical with jessie, cherry, kate, crissy and emily and that was cool... stayed after way late and brought jill (another friend of mine) back home with me to spend the night (had to wait for her since she was backstage crew and they were doing pics the first night this year instead of the last) so jill spent the night and we talked about her situation (her bf of a year and 7 months just broke up with her for just about all the same reasons benji broke up with me so i had some counseling to do with her sweatdrop ) um... bought the new alicia keys album... mrgreen big kudos to alicia... um... so thursday night was that... woke up friday and dropped her off with her family and did a quick shop with mom for some hunting clothes for that weekend's duck hunting trip to the cabin... came home and showered... and then i got to drive like 3/4 the way to the cabin whee so that was cool... the trip was great... ducks weren't quite flyin' yet but we got about 5... no grouse were seen .... lots of deer from all the hunters pushin' 'em around... shot our guns a little bit to get ready for deer hunting this weekend... so now my shoulder is sore... talked to benji only a little bit while i was at the cabin... but he had a good weekend for a little bit or else the rest of it he was sick so that sucked. ... *grins and cakcles quietly* poor thing though really... *Sigh* ... so! then... last night we were talking on the phone for like a long time since his parents were in arizona ... (now just to mention ... one of the reasons he broke up with me was cuz he was unsure whether or not he still loved me or not ) so we were talkin'... and then it got all quiet... and i s'pose i really should stick to my ' no details online ' rule... but i might just bend it a bit on this one... cuz only like 2 people read this thing anyway sweatdrop so like it got quiet on the phone and he said ' kayla... i gotta tell you something but i don't know if i should yet '... but i was patient and waited and after a while he said that he has realized taht he's still in love with me and he can't stop thinking about me and all taht good stuff right? i mean... seriously... everything i've been wanting to hear for the past 2 weeks... just dying to hear... and once i heard it... i didn't know what to think... so i said 'ok... now what?' ... we talked about it for awhile... but i don't remember much (like usuall wink ) so i don't know what to think anymore... my brain is like ' no! don't ever go back to him ... don't let him back in... just leave him be... get away ' just all that stuff... ect... just screaming at me... but my heart is just throbbing in pain and crying out ' here's your chance... take it while it's still there...before he fully gets over you!!! ' .... i'm torn between everything... i don't know what to do... i love him so much... but i'm really disappointed in him lately and it feels like i don't know who he is anymore... he's starting to change... but nothing too drastic yet... just some odd decisions i didn't expect he would choose.. *sigh* so whatever... i'll just really have to think about it hard some night... woo! more crying... sad so... that's about all that's happened... as of the moment i was trying to get cherry to go out with me while i was waiting for jake and his gf to break up WHILE at the same time waiting to see what benji was gonna do... and all at once i've heard that cherry likes me too now and benji says he wants me back and that he wants to for sure be with me but just not right now cuz he can't hande the distance which i completely understand... so here.. one at a time... i don't know what to feel about cherry anymore... he's always been like a bro to me but i would definately TRY more with him but i don't wanna ruin anything that we have now... and then the ben thing... i'm tired of being patient with him although i know that's what i should do cuz it always helps in the end... but this time it's almost to the point of annoyance... mlaaah... jake... i don't know what would have ever happened with him... i really really really really liked him (Still kinda do / always will ) and i wanted to go out with him... but then he got a gf recently so i don't know about him anymore... and mlaaah... i'm so lost... i really do love benji... but as of right now... i'm not sure anymore... it really hurt me what he did... and he says he's sorry... but everyone and everything is telling me not to take him back... but this is what i've been waiting for right? i mean... *Bows head* ... it'll be okay... i just have to figure some things out for myself as well... *yawn* so taht's lately... comming up... let's see tomorrow are a couple of tests at school... still hopin' on class rings like i said... oh! cassie is moving to her mom's... like 5 hours away from here now... so that's kinda bummin' me out though we weren't the best of friends like we used to be.... um... no school on friday so the family is goin' out to our deer hunting tree stands to get them prepared for deer hunting this weekend... got some new hunting clothes tonight from my dad... god my homework done... and in about half an hour i have to leave to go babysit... mlah... i stayed up untill like 4:30 in the morning last night talking to benji so i'm so ******** tired so i hope the kids aren't hyper tonight ... so taht's today... this weekend of course is deer hunting and the traditional arrival of the Bradow family staying at our house over the weekend ( one of the son's is a kid i used to have a thing for ... long a** story... but technically we'eve been engaged for about 10 years xd ) lmao... whatever is up with that... but it'll be cool to see him again and hang with ali some more... she said she would want to catch a movie or something... cassie is also leaving on friday... friday night we go to the eagles for supper and everything... saturday is first day of deer hunting and that night we go to the VFW for supper and drinks... have a great time yada yada yada... and in the farther future there's a band concert comming up... and deer sausage making weekend after this weekend... *sigh* tomorrow night is pepband for hockey... mlaaah... kinda busy lately... and i really gotta get some thinking time in... i really REALLY need to write too... i've had like 3 poem ideas the last couple of days and i keep forgetting to work on them... btw, i think i mentioned that i sent jake one of my poems (Broken angel to be specific) and i sent it to him cuz he has this whole little band shpeel thing pulled together and i haven't heard them yet but i expect them to be pretty good... got a copule of guitarists and a drummer and finally found a girl to sing... so he absolutely loved the poem and he asked if he could make it into a song... so i said go ahead so i'm hopin' i get to talk to him soon and see how that's progressing mlaaah so i think i've pretty much covered all that's new... *wonders if this will be the longest entry yet* ... we'll soon see twisted ninja muahhaha... i would totally cry if i lost all of this... *copies it just incase* phew! good thing i did... cuz i did lose it all lol... just addin' a bit more right now while i wait for gaia to get its act together blaugh sweatdrop alright... so i hope i got everything...untill next time...

- heart Kay