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TO CLARE:
If you are sent here, go back a day to see the journal with the 10 minutes of writing. I'll time how long I write here as well, but I don't know if it will be non stop.
Yea
I don't know what to say. Hey! There's that bad karma I mentioned in my last journal! I went up stairs to listen to music and box, I was looking for a good song, one with less of a dancing sound. Anyway the first song I picked was: Ida Corr vs Fedde Le Grand - Let me think about it [Ministry of Sound - The Rush]
"You say you want me, you say you need me, you say you love me, how come your leaving."
Bad timing. Megan had just dumped me. It was another one of those phone calls, you can just tell whats going to happen within the first few seconds of the call. "So, How are you?" "---------." "So, How are you?" "---------." ( Oh s**t.. gonk cry )
As soon as I thought that, I thought to myself, why do I have to be so good at predicting things, now I have to spend the next 30 minutes to and hour on the phone scared shitless waiting for my judgment.
I was determined to work threw the day and finish all of my work. I didn't even touch a computer. That's ******** now. Its sad because I was using Megan to push me forward. I need to go to college and do well, for Megan, so I can be with her. Now I'm left to take care of things on my own, I have to keep strong for myself and keep pushing forward. I really wanted to finish my work so I would have Sunday free, because I wanted to try to see Megan. I'll finish it so I have Sunday free for myself, and I'll make something happen, I'll try to keep myself happy with nothing to look forward to in life. I shouldn't say stuff like that though, I'll look back and see myself as sad and pathetic. I want to look back and see someone strong and happy who could fight threw anything.
[ 10 minutes - few pauses ]
After Effects
I called Margar and told her what happened, she sympathized for me. I guess I should have expected what she told me. She didn't deserve you...
D= Megan you were the best girlfriend I've ever had, you pushed me forward. You made me happy even if you were being a b***h, I wanted to be there for you because I thought you needed me. Our times together were like that out of an anime, an Etchi Romantic Comedy. It reminds me a bit of air gear, which is a good thing, thats exactly what I wanted.
You gave me more than anyone else ever has, and when I say "more.."
More time, more love and affection, more care and support, more gifts, more happiness and smiles, more good memories, more acceptance, more effort, more devotion, more to look forward to in life, more thrills, more laughs and pure silly randomness and I have never felt more loved by one person that I have from you. That is why I love you.
I did end up boxing, I wish I knew how to box so I wasn't just aimlessly punching a wall with some gloves on. Its good exercise though, I feel it in my arms.
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