DISCLAIMER: Since I decided to rewrite my first entry, I figure I’ll continue with the second one. I was actually considering rewriting the third one next, just to confuse the hell out of Soulreaper Naru.
Alright, my second test day! As some of you may recall, in my last recap I was on my way to talk to that idiot Barry so I could tell the sewers “Sayonara, baby!” However, the servers are full on my first attempt on starting a zETA session. Two minutes and the servers are already squished. Oh, and look it's our friend, the 104 error!
Eventually I go to Barry. He gives me a key, and tells me to get the hell out. Oh, Barry, I will not be missing you at all. I’m also supposed to talk to some chick he knows so I can learn more about RINGS!!! Wait, there’s more? Ah, and here I was hoping I could explore Barton and bother random NPCs needlessly. ******** you, Barry. Going back into the sewers, I find the closest ladder, and Random Text God tells me I am about to leave the sewers by ladder. You have to wonder why the RTG told me that. Really now, was it that important? Maybe zOMG thinks I’m as dumb as my avatar looks. Which could be possible--my zETA avatar was based off of a Mary Sue from one of my favorite video games. (For those of you who don’t know, zETA members got a separate account just for the testing.)
So I find myself in Barton! Resisting the urge to spam the chat about how much better Durem is, I manage to get completely lost. I talk to some random NPCs, accept some random quests, and eventually I find Elizabeth. She tells me much of confusing stuff, and then directs me to some chamber.
I try to find it. I really do. I went south of Barton, killed some garden gnomes, and talked to some marker-things. Speaking of which, those were horrible conversations. Soon I become bored and figure I should explore all of Barton before exploring the other maps. After all, what type of recapper would I be if I left a single area unexplored?
So I go back and explore. I run into one of my absolute favorite NPCs--Cindy Donovinh. Seriously, she’s fantastic. Just how many good reporters that don’t look like whores have you seen before? I rest my case. She tells--orders--me to help her out with getting stories and stuff for Channel 9. I go to interview some noob NPC.
This NPC--New Bea--is the stereotype of Chatterbox residents. It‘s not funny, Gaia. Cindy tells me good job afterward, so I suppose it was worth it. After all, I‘ll never talk to New Bea again, right? RIGHT? I go off to my second interview, but I encounter a problem. The interviewee--James--doesn't seem to know I want to interview him. Idiot.
I here exit zOMG in order to write some of my recap. I find exiting the game was a mistake, because I have to wait a semi-long time before I can get back on. Stupid 104 ERROR. Maybe I’ll refer to it as TEH ERROR!!! from now on.
So I decide to leave Barton and find Leon for no reason whatsoever. Nope, none at all. He asks me to check out some “gnome encampments”. Being the idiot I am, I die while looking around for these alleged camps. Aggravated, I try to re log back into the game since I awoke in a completely random place that I had never seen before, and apparently couldn’t leave. Seriously, how do you leave that place? Where’s RTG when you need him. He can inform you on how to use RINGS!!!, RAGE!!!, and ladder climbing, but is nowhere to be find when one is lost? I call bullshit.
So I log out again, and log back in. This time there’s a person there to tell how I’m supposed to get out, and that this is the Null Chamber. I‘m happy until I realize this person is another exposition character. She tells me funs stuff, like using purple orbs to upgrade my rings. Make up your own innuendo. Anyhow, I go back out and try to scout those gnome camps. I die multiple times before giving up, and heading back to Barton. At Barton, I talk to Elizabeth again. Apparently I didn’t do the quest right, so I head back to the Null Chamber (hereby named Non-Map of DOOM) without dying. The NPC (her name is Trixie) gives me dialogue about the quest, and RTG comes (see? I knew he’d show up!) and tells me how to upgrade my RINGS!!! Good, I was worried I’m stay at level one forever especially since I‘ve already upgraded them. Shut up, RTG.
The connection to the server is lost, and I use that time to update my writing before continuing.
After a little trouble, I manage to upgrade my rings to please Elizabeth. She tells me I can do whatever the heck I want now, so I go to finish my interview! James now realizes he’s being interviewed and says--on live TV, mind you--that he spends a lot of time in the forums and that I shouldn’t tell Leon. Um. Is this guy stupid, or did the developers think this was actually funny? Scratch that, I don’t want to know. After heading back to Cindy, she tells me to interview some guy named Julian. Julian has followed the suit of James in the fact that I can’t interview him. This further proves that Durem is superior to Barton. Clearly the only choice in this situation is to go south of Barton and explore the Unknown!
A little mark is appearing on the map where Leon is. I wonder “WTF?” until I realize that I had forgotten that I had scouted the gnome encampments. The game won’t let me talk to Leon, though, so I decide to wander about. I could throw a fit over being ignored by Leon, but he’s not worth it at all. I die again, and swear that one day I will have my revenge on the gnomes. I do take the time to salvage one of my Slice ‘n Dice RINGS!!! (I had two via glitch, in case you forgot, and one was just taking up space), and upgrade my other Slice ‘n Dice RING!!!
I lose connection again, and get weird messages when I try to log back on, such as “null.” What, did zOMG realize it makes no sense? I also experience the Black Screen of Doom. The “collectible” bar on the load screen doesn’t load, either. However, after trying a few other servers, I manage to get on, yet again. Go Team Lila!
I continue to try to kill gnomes before I realize I need help doing so. So I join a random crew. Since the game is lagging lack hell, I die AGAIN. I‘m quite the expert of it by now. By the time I get back to where I was, the crew has already moved far, far away. So I run around before deciding I need to get on a new server--this one’s too crowded. Or at least re log. So I try to. The game continues to lag like hell. (Later the lag was discovered by the team to be a memory leak.)
To my great disappointment, I’m still lagging. I’m also stuck! So I try to re login again. Hey, there’s nothing better to do, even if it‘s a proven fail. For some reason, I’m stuck on one freaking screen. I don’t even have anything to kill me, since there‘s no monsters around. So I use the chat (which is really laggy) to complain. Eventually, I do manage to move, but it doesn’t happen fast. I manage to walk to Barton, but the movement is all messed up. I log out. I log in. I doubt this problem is going to fixed soon, so I update my awesome recap, and I ponder what I should put as a poll this time.
I go to Bill’s ranch. When I re logged, it didn’t save my place in Barton. After almost getting killed by an onion (which gives me good memories of Final Fantasy XII), I decide to go back. Let‘s think on that. At least being murdered by a gnome had some respect to it. A flipping onion, though? You’ve got to be kidding. When wandering about, my screen tells me I have “scouted the last encampment” or something. Gleefully, I head back to Leon. He tells me to go find some SPWESHIAL gnome that has some battle plans and orders me to beat the snot out of him. Of course Leon has no intentions of doing any of the work himself, the sod.
‘Kay, let’s focus for a minute. Barton’s defense is worried about Garden Gnomes. GARDEN GNOMES. Sorry, but that’s a little ridiculous. Granted, I’ll never look at a garden gnome the same way again after playing zOMG. This is further evidence that Barton pales in comparison to the EPIC WIN which is named Durem.
Anyways, I decide to head back to Barton. A penguin man tells me to find his lucky coin. Which I do. Stupid fetch quests. At least there was a decent reward. I go back south of Barton. I get killed by gnomes. I upgrade my RINGS!!! Basically, the same thing I’ve been doing for the past couple of hours. Yeah. Oh, did I mention I’m looking for the courtier gnome? Anyways at find him (in closed beta, the courtier did not have any distinguishing features from other gnomes in the game, making him a pain in the a** to find) right when the clock hits 6:00, which was when the team decided that zOMG had to go back to sleep. I’m lucky, aren’t I?
Anyways, that’s all for today. Cheerio!
M3497109 Community Member 
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