I don't know what to think anymore. I don't know what to say. All my life I was hurt by others because of who I am. When I came to high school, i hoped it would be different, but it is the same. I don't know who I am anymore, I don't even know who my friends are anymore. i can't see their faces, all I see is darkness, the darkness that I can never escape from. I thought I was better, yet the malice around me has showed that I'm not. I thought I could trust again, but I still can't. I thougth that maybe now i can get some respect and people will achknowledge my existence, yet that doesn't happen. It does happen when they finally notice that I'm depressed and on the verge of violence upon myself that they say I matter. Then alas! Respect! I exist! Then when i'm better, the cycle starts again. Must i stand before you and slit my wrists before i can get respect? Must I pluck out my eyes so i don't see those faces that haunt me everyday? Must i cut off my ears so i don't hear the name calling? What must I do? I can't turn to you anymore! You won't listen! All i ever wanted was for someone to listen, very few people will nowadays, one of them so faraway that the pain is deeper cause I just want him to help me because it seems that he's the only one who really cares. You hurt me, you made me feel stupid and unwelcomed, so I tell you this, I give up. I will turn off all personality, I will turn off all my emotions. I will be a vessal that walks around and agrees with all the stupid ideas and antics that are within your minds. I will be nothing, I've had the practice, I know what to do. I give up, you win, you always win. I'm nothing but a stupid little crybaby. For that is what you seem to think. Congratulations, you win. When will i know who my friends are, and will i ever have any real ones, i can hardly say. That point in time is too far away to predict.
 Queen_of_the_Seven_Angels · Thu Sep 29, 2005 @ 05:25am · 1 Comments |
