Look what I have to do now, making me feel all inferior.
Time for my serious journal.
Alright, so it's like 1:30 in the morning. I just got done with Andy's homework. I'll do it as long as it keeps us on good terms. It's like an exchange. I do his homework and he listens to me. It all works.
Today was pretty much my usual day. Cept' for the part where I woke up at 12 pm. It was because Matt and Robyn were fighting. I'm not completely sure what it was about. Something about Matt being a screwup and Robyn being all high and mighty or something. It seemed like Matt won that argument.
I agree with Matt a lot. More than I do Andy. But I guess that's because Matt doesn't lie all the time. Andy can do that sometimes. And he's damn good at it. I can't even tell the difference. But Matt accepts me. I showed him the first drawing I did last night and he was like, "Yeah, that's good. I can't draw at all." Andy would have just said, "Yeah, cool." It makes me feel more accepted.
Last night I drew a good bit. For 4 hours straight. Well, more like I spent 3 hours coloring and 1 hour drawing. I finished with two drawings. One of Aiden, a drummer in a band called Mephisto, and the other was kind of a paranoid thing. I felt like being paranoid about the number 23. I like doing that. It's fun.
Oh, if you haven't been informed, I'm pretty nocturnal now. I stay up until about 7 in the morning and sleep until 3. It works the best for me, and I think I actually sleep better in the day. Who knows? Defiantly not me.
Ever since I moved over here my days have been kind of boring. I can't wait till my school stuff gets here so I actually have something to do. I don't really like being lazy. Only sometimes, not constantly.
Oh, sorry. I had to help "His Majesty" clean his room. That's something else I help him with. "His Majesty" being Andrew, of course.
Izsak was never found, and probably never will be. Poor little guy. I was really depressed cause I always seem to screw this kind of thing up, but I slowly got over it. It's just another thing that I've lost that I've been attached to. It happens pretty often for me.
Like my friends at Southwestern. I'm sorry guys, this was the best for me. I'm sure you guys see that. You know what that house has been doing to me. They put me on anti-depressants, for hells sake! That has to be bad. I hated Scott anyways. And I grew to have no respect for mother, anyways. She's just a lying whore. You should have seen some of the stuns she tried to pull. Ah well.
She wants me to go to see a therapist. Like that's going to happen. Well, I shouldn't say that. I've always been curious, because I'm just a curious person. But why would I open up to a complete stranger? I mean, at least I know the people who'll be reading this....
But anyways. I wonder if a therapist could actually help me, y'know? I'm a pretty screwed up person as is. I wonder if a therapist could handle all that. Well, all that there is to me. Cause there's a lot. A lot a lot of people don't know. I've told a lot of lies. I'm one hell of a sinner. I'm defiantly going to hell.
On the topic of hell, here's something: You don't burn in hell. That's right. Hell is actually an icy place. Ruled by a single man. The Devil, as many know him. Hades, for us myth nerds. And now I'm getting into religion. Here we go....
For me, right now, there is no Heaven or Hell. They'll exist when I reach one. (Most likely Hell.) There is no God to me. I was brought into this world by a sperm cell and an egg. Not some magical being up in the clouds. And God has never helped me, never done anything for me, so why should I believe in something seemingly nonexistent? That's why I don't. I tried to go to church. I tried to be religious. I really did. But I couldn't understand why someone would so easily fall for something that's obviously not true. Or maybe it is. Maybe I'm the blind one. But I'm one for facts. If you can't prove it, then I'm not buying into it. That's why I don't do religion. By the way, did you know the real Jesus was just some rebellious Jew? It's true. Christianity came from the Jews, so I don't want to here you Christians complain about the Jews, respect your damn elders. They believe a lot of the things you do.
Ah, look, you got me all off track. Oh, yes, therapists.....
I don't think a therapist could help me now anyways. All the yelling and fighting all my life, it defiantly messed up my head. I'm a major pessimist now. I always see the worst in a situation. Well, most situations. The odd thing is I see the best of a situation, too. Like being bipolar or something. I don't know what it'd actually be called, but it's like having two opinions at once. Maybe I'm just crazy.
But I hate my mom. I'm so happy that I'm here. Well, not completely. The bipolar thing again. I'm really happy, but sometimes I just get emo. I mean, I'm probably never going to see my friends again. I know that. Because Littlestown. I'm going to have to cut out my life again. And I'm sorry guys, unlike Littlestown, I didn't really want to do this. But it's what I have to do. I have to get away from my mom. I have to get away from the fighting. I was done. Just freaking done.
Oh, by the way, don't ever get a ******** Juke! I've said it time and time again: The phone sucks. It's completely gay. If you want a music phone that's actually worth something, get the Razr or the Chocolate. Much better and a ton more durable. And if you really want your money's worth, get a freakin nice phone. The iPhone, or the Blackberry. The Wildcard or the Glide. But for the love of everything and anything, don't get a ******** Juke. Or those generic phones. JUNK!
Okay, I'm done that part of this journal entry. Who's entry's long now, Tiffany? Hah. Another thing. I wasn't bluffing. So yeah. You'll have to deal with that forever. And you know what I mean. You fell asleep on me. Like Andy's doing now.
God, I'm so restless. I could just keep typing forever and ever. Like, seriously. Because I don't get my feelings out enough. Keep them bottled up for the most part. I do that. And I'm pretty good at it, too. Until I start to break down. Then it's really bad. But normally that takes a couple of years. Well, except for now. I've been more vulnerable than ever of late. Want to know why? It's cause you tore down those walls around my heart, and it's left me utterly defenseless. When I cry when I'm playing a video game, you know I'm pretty weak at the time. Weak spirited, or something. Not physically weak. I could fight on physically forever.
Damn, here I go rambling again. But I've got nothing better to do all night. And all the lights are out here. Except for the computer monitor and the flames from the pellet stove out there. I like the pellet stove. Well, correction, I like fire. I like fire a lot. I don't even know why. It's like how I like glasses. I can't explain it.
Mmmmm...... When I went in to do my paperwork to get discharged from Southwest, I went to go see Mrs. Krenser and her class first. I liked her class the best. I almost cried, too. It was because she made the whole class say goodbye to me. I should have went there last, cause that had me messed up for the rest of the time.
I think one day I'll return to Southwest. Well, that probably just the one little strand of optimism. Now watch me crush it. I always thought that about Littlestown, and I never went back there. Southwest'll be no different. Or maybe it will be. I can't see into the future.
Ah. Jeez. I'm done now. I'm off to go do god knows what. C'ya.
Time for my serious journal.
Alright, so it's like 1:30 in the morning. I just got done with Andy's homework. I'll do it as long as it keeps us on good terms. It's like an exchange. I do his homework and he listens to me. It all works.
Today was pretty much my usual day. Cept' for the part where I woke up at 12 pm. It was because Matt and Robyn were fighting. I'm not completely sure what it was about. Something about Matt being a screwup and Robyn being all high and mighty or something. It seemed like Matt won that argument.
I agree with Matt a lot. More than I do Andy. But I guess that's because Matt doesn't lie all the time. Andy can do that sometimes. And he's damn good at it. I can't even tell the difference. But Matt accepts me. I showed him the first drawing I did last night and he was like, "Yeah, that's good. I can't draw at all." Andy would have just said, "Yeah, cool." It makes me feel more accepted.
Last night I drew a good bit. For 4 hours straight. Well, more like I spent 3 hours coloring and 1 hour drawing. I finished with two drawings. One of Aiden, a drummer in a band called Mephisto, and the other was kind of a paranoid thing. I felt like being paranoid about the number 23. I like doing that. It's fun.
Oh, if you haven't been informed, I'm pretty nocturnal now. I stay up until about 7 in the morning and sleep until 3. It works the best for me, and I think I actually sleep better in the day. Who knows? Defiantly not me.
Ever since I moved over here my days have been kind of boring. I can't wait till my school stuff gets here so I actually have something to do. I don't really like being lazy. Only sometimes, not constantly.
Oh, sorry. I had to help "His Majesty" clean his room. That's something else I help him with. "His Majesty" being Andrew, of course.
Izsak was never found, and probably never will be. Poor little guy. I was really depressed cause I always seem to screw this kind of thing up, but I slowly got over it. It's just another thing that I've lost that I've been attached to. It happens pretty often for me.
Like my friends at Southwestern. I'm sorry guys, this was the best for me. I'm sure you guys see that. You know what that house has been doing to me. They put me on anti-depressants, for hells sake! That has to be bad. I hated Scott anyways. And I grew to have no respect for mother, anyways. She's just a lying whore. You should have seen some of the stuns she tried to pull. Ah well.
She wants me to go to see a therapist. Like that's going to happen. Well, I shouldn't say that. I've always been curious, because I'm just a curious person. But why would I open up to a complete stranger? I mean, at least I know the people who'll be reading this....
But anyways. I wonder if a therapist could actually help me, y'know? I'm a pretty screwed up person as is. I wonder if a therapist could handle all that. Well, all that there is to me. Cause there's a lot. A lot a lot of people don't know. I've told a lot of lies. I'm one hell of a sinner. I'm defiantly going to hell.
On the topic of hell, here's something: You don't burn in hell. That's right. Hell is actually an icy place. Ruled by a single man. The Devil, as many know him. Hades, for us myth nerds. And now I'm getting into religion. Here we go....
For me, right now, there is no Heaven or Hell. They'll exist when I reach one. (Most likely Hell.) There is no God to me. I was brought into this world by a sperm cell and an egg. Not some magical being up in the clouds. And God has never helped me, never done anything for me, so why should I believe in something seemingly nonexistent? That's why I don't. I tried to go to church. I tried to be religious. I really did. But I couldn't understand why someone would so easily fall for something that's obviously not true. Or maybe it is. Maybe I'm the blind one. But I'm one for facts. If you can't prove it, then I'm not buying into it. That's why I don't do religion. By the way, did you know the real Jesus was just some rebellious Jew? It's true. Christianity came from the Jews, so I don't want to here you Christians complain about the Jews, respect your damn elders. They believe a lot of the things you do.
Ah, look, you got me all off track. Oh, yes, therapists.....
I don't think a therapist could help me now anyways. All the yelling and fighting all my life, it defiantly messed up my head. I'm a major pessimist now. I always see the worst in a situation. Well, most situations. The odd thing is I see the best of a situation, too. Like being bipolar or something. I don't know what it'd actually be called, but it's like having two opinions at once. Maybe I'm just crazy.
But I hate my mom. I'm so happy that I'm here. Well, not completely. The bipolar thing again. I'm really happy, but sometimes I just get emo. I mean, I'm probably never going to see my friends again. I know that. Because Littlestown. I'm going to have to cut out my life again. And I'm sorry guys, unlike Littlestown, I didn't really want to do this. But it's what I have to do. I have to get away from my mom. I have to get away from the fighting. I was done. Just freaking done.
Oh, by the way, don't ever get a ******** Juke! I've said it time and time again: The phone sucks. It's completely gay. If you want a music phone that's actually worth something, get the Razr or the Chocolate. Much better and a ton more durable. And if you really want your money's worth, get a freakin nice phone. The iPhone, or the Blackberry. The Wildcard or the Glide. But for the love of everything and anything, don't get a ******** Juke. Or those generic phones. JUNK!
Okay, I'm done that part of this journal entry. Who's entry's long now, Tiffany? Hah. Another thing. I wasn't bluffing. So yeah. You'll have to deal with that forever. And you know what I mean. You fell asleep on me. Like Andy's doing now.
God, I'm so restless. I could just keep typing forever and ever. Like, seriously. Because I don't get my feelings out enough. Keep them bottled up for the most part. I do that. And I'm pretty good at it, too. Until I start to break down. Then it's really bad. But normally that takes a couple of years. Well, except for now. I've been more vulnerable than ever of late. Want to know why? It's cause you tore down those walls around my heart, and it's left me utterly defenseless. When I cry when I'm playing a video game, you know I'm pretty weak at the time. Weak spirited, or something. Not physically weak. I could fight on physically forever.
Damn, here I go rambling again. But I've got nothing better to do all night. And all the lights are out here. Except for the computer monitor and the flames from the pellet stove out there. I like the pellet stove. Well, correction, I like fire. I like fire a lot. I don't even know why. It's like how I like glasses. I can't explain it.
Mmmmm...... When I went in to do my paperwork to get discharged from Southwest, I went to go see Mrs. Krenser and her class first. I liked her class the best. I almost cried, too. It was because she made the whole class say goodbye to me. I should have went there last, cause that had me messed up for the rest of the time.
I think one day I'll return to Southwest. Well, that probably just the one little strand of optimism. Now watch me crush it. I always thought that about Littlestown, and I never went back there. Southwest'll be no different. Or maybe it will be. I can't see into the future.
Ah. Jeez. I'm done now. I'm off to go do god knows what. C'ya.
