Wednesday night Shane broke up with Karena, poor girl. He put her through so much to the point where she was going to break up with him... and she said a few days before that but Shane begged her not to. Ironic much because he did the same crap to me. Then he dumped her "things aren't working out", same thing to me. We both told ourselves we weren't going to cry when the day came to where he broke up with us but he did. Ok to fix the confusion, I dated Shane from last May to August and she dated him from September to October. So there. Funny part is... I never love loved him... I just dated him to try and get over Jake... and try to get him jealous. So if I didn't love him, why did it still hurt? Was it the rejection? Or was it the 3 day fight we had about me visiting Jake?
Jake has always been my everything and he means so much to me. He's my best friend, I've trusted him with so much... but he's more than just my best friend. He's the one I love, who I have loved, and will continue to love. We've been in so many stupid arguments and they were all caused by me but eventually we got over them. Marr was right, we do have some strange bond to eachother that no one understands. There's so much I have yet to tell him and so much he still doesn't know about me. No matter how many times I tell him I love him, I don't think he truely understands how much I mean it. How can one who's cheated on girls and thrown the word around like it's a frisbee... how can he undrstand my love for him? Are our definitions of love different? Yes, he's cheated on me, and it hurt a lot. When we first dated... I thought I knew what love was.. but when I found out that the whole time he had been cheated on me I felt worthless. But I trust him now, he promised me he'd never hurt me again... I believe him.
But who am I to criticize a cheater when techincally, I was one myself too... I dated Laird.. I was in love with Jake... I dated Jake for like a day, tested his fidelity, pshh I didn't even bother with that I went out with Ken. My sweet little borther.. Ken..Neko...the name still burns when I hear his voice in my head, or hear someone say his name. It's not that I'm still in love with him... it's my guilt... for hurting him the most. I flirted with Laird when he came back behind his back and then I had Macey dump him for me. I hurt him. And then I lost my memory... and became a whole new person... and Ken... he said he didn't want to be my friend anymore. It hurt. How could my little brother just leave me and Isaac like that? And Laird... what a mistake... he didn't love me... he left me without a sign... he just poofed. I waited... and waited. I waited until December 1rst. for him to come back... he never did. And then I dated Ryan... I hurt him too, one of my other best guy friends. I regret it... I regret hurting him. And then the second time we dated, I hurt him again. Because I had found Shane.. and Shane was more convient, he was real life... he would be there for me more. And I knew when the time came that Jake and I would date again.. I didn't want to hurt Ryan even more. The thing with Ryan though is that he was ALWAYS there for EVERY breakup, including mine & Jake's. I texted him during school the day before my birthday, I remembered... I NEEDED someone to talk to. And he was there. And Shane, then came Shane... the only boy I truely regret dating. He stole my first kiss, the kiss I had saved for Jake when we'd meet in real life in Disney World in June... but with us not speaking and him breaking my heart... him dating Anny and Kate... I didn't see it being able to work. May 23, I had my first kiss. At this same time there was a week until Jake's 15th birthday. He had hurt me, hurt me so bad that I let Shane make a video for Jake. It was mean, and I remember going home and crying... and then the same day I sent him a pic of us kissing..."I don't want to see you ******** making out". And there... it hit the most... Jake and I were never going to get back together, we were never going to be friends again. From June 1rst until June 10th we didn't talk... at all. And then June 11, I had just got out of church and I looked at my phone. "Hey angie, still up for Disney World?" I was so happy I started crying. And from then on Jake and I wer great, Shane and I... not so good "I don't want you hanging out with that monster. He hurt you. And he'll probably rape you." I didn't care what Shane said, Jake was my best friend and we had this planned months ahead, I was going to meet him even if it meant the end of me Shane. June 28, I went to Jake's beach house and we hung out, we went to the beach and had ice cream together. We had so much fun together. June 29, Disney World!! That was amazing. And then we hung out a few more times that week... behind Shane's back. >< And through all this, my mom didn't hate Jake so much anymore. =]
A month passed and Shane left me, same way he left Karena. I cried, Idk why... but I did. Jake was there for me, for him this was a dream come true. August 14-17th, I was in Pennsylvania and Maryland at Jake's house.<3 Btw did I mention, we were going back out? =3
I am the luckiest girl out there, I have an amazing boyfriend who I loved very much. I am his Wunie Oh and the nickname, Wunie... ^////^ it's a clash of the words Wife Tunie. It's my official new nickname given to me by him.
2 years of riding a love rollercoaster and now, I'm finally of it.
I thought I knew what love was, now I know what it is.
Jake, if you ever happen to read this, I love you with all my heart and I'm yours forever and ever. When I beg you to not hurt me and never leave me... I have my reasons, and one day you'll find out like many other things you still don't know.
4 more days until our 3rd month anniversary, if you add the 3 months from the previous time we dated, it equals 6. 6 months of being with you. Almost 4 years of knowing you. And everyday I love you more and more. heart
· Sun Nov 02, 2008 @ 06:32am · 1 Comments