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So on thursday night I got drunk. I needed that real bad cause it took away all the pain I had inside of me. But then the next day when Eric told me he got high all that pain came right back. It just hit me like woah. I guess I deserve it. But then I saw him later that night. At the park. And I don't know what came over me. I missed him so much. I couldn't stop looking at him even though I knew he was high. So then I was mad, but I don't know, I didn't understand much. Then we talked and we were friends for a while, for the rest of the night I guess. Then today...well he tells me he's going to continue smoking. I know he's sorry for it and for hurting me but saying sorry really doesn't help. You have to show you're sorry. And the only way he can do that is if he stops. But I know that won't happen. So maybe I'll just keep getting drunk, at least it takes away the pain for a while. Maybe one day I'll get too drunk and then I'll run into a car like I almost did thursday. Then I'll die happy. Drunk and happy.