|
|
|
[********.
Everyone's so god damned happy.
pssh.
gdnutrlfkmnbg
Fireworks outside are just plain stupid.
I wish someone could share my misery with me emo
Everyone's busy.
...Happy families...
I wish my family was whole.. Our celebrations would be much more special if my mom was around.. Even though I try doing things myself, like setting up a Christmas tree or lighting up the gates with lights, no one appreciates me anyway.. emo
And no matter how much I try to not let it get me down, it somehow always does..
It's like I'm so useless.
Even if I try doing something for the better of how things are, no one cares..
Last year, I set up the Christmas tree, and my siblings just gave me criticism.. They said it lacked balls around the bottom [my dog secretly snags them and bites them in the corner..] or.. 'the tree looks so fugly, why'd you even put it up?!'
I ******** TRIED, DIDN'T I?
Isn't that supposed to be what matters? I tried putting it there, yet you're denying my work and telling me I shouldn't have done it in the first place because everything I do SUCKED ANYWAY?
BULLSHIT.
Or how about that time I decorated the living room with streamers and balloons-- I killed my feet looking for in the mall, for dad's birthday? Did anyone appreciate that?! Dad acted like it wasn't there. I sprained my ankle and got glass in my leg just reaching for the ceiling to get things perfect.
BUT NO.
Everything I do for anyone isn't enough.
I'm no good for anyone around here, and apparently, it feels like it would be better if I was gone.
Everyone would notice me if I was gone.
No one would cook for them when my brother's gone.. Even if my dad doesn't appreciate anything I make because he likes my brother's food better..
No one would spend Saturday mornings rearranging furniture just to brighten things up.
No one would take the time to get out all the figurines in the cabinets and clean the shelves.
No one would shampoo the couch every summer.
No one would ABSORB ALL THE ******** LECTURES WITHOUT YELLING BACK.
No one would leave things alone even if she gets pushed around..
AND MANY MORE.
UGH.
I hate holidays!!!!
It just reminds me of how pathetic and insignificant I am to most people...
..reminds me of all the times I've tried to impress the people around me, just so they'd accept me, but I'd end up looking like a fool.
Ugh. I'm red and all the blood is rushing up to my face T^T
I feel like crying it out.. and all 46 minutes before New Year.
I feel like just staying inside the room... quiet as can be, with all the lights closed..
All these lights are a waste of energy.. It's not like I can feel the joy they're supposed to bring when you see them.. Not like I can feel anything. Cause apparently, the world's too good for me as well. Why not shut it all up?
Who cares anyway...
I'm just a lonely person with no talents, no skills and who doesn't belong anywhere.
Joy.
The only thing I wish I could feel right now..
I could hear the people outside, ahhing and ooohing because of the nice lights display. What do they see in it that, I don't?
I just see polluted air and stupid people who are breaking the law [which is for their own safety anyway.] with putting up fireworks that could destroy the world and all for what, a few minutes of colorful lights?
How stupid could people get?
Maybe I'm just jealous, though.
I think I am..
I wish I could be happy with those kinds of things..
Yet I can't..
One of the only things that could make me happy, cannot belong to me...
Sad isn't it? It's a sad, sad world.. I'm afraid it'll hit me even harder in the face when I get out there...
Maybe that's better, though.. getting out there and facing the music; That life isn't always just nice dinners in restaurants with your family and getting a good deal of money from your parents to go out with friends..
Maybe it's diversity.
Having the worst moments in your life alone, and having the freedom to live the best of it as well.
But what should I know?
I'm insignificant, right?
What I think doesn't matter to the world...
Maybe only to the people who I thought would support me and my feelings,
but just let me sink like the Titanic in the end..
I'm sinking..
Maybe I'll lose myself tonight.. because I don't feel like being me..
I'd rather be anyone else, in that case.. sad
He's the only thing pulling me back,
and like I said..
I can't have him..
Not yet..
But, as hopeless as I sound,
I have hope because it's all I can have right now.
What really is there to hold on to, besides the mere fact of holding on?
I don't get what I think myself..
But I know,
As tough as my situation gets, I'll let myself fall..
But I sure will get back up again.
 Moonlight_Dancero9 · Wed Dec 31, 2008 @ 03:46pm · 4 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
