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Its called at , at the rememberance of a poem I wrote my freshman year. I've been reading Dear S, and have discovered that I am much like Ren, in that I feel no connection at anyone but my beloved.

Oh look, it might rain on Friday, I have a feeling God is crying for me. My mother said, that even if it seems that all my hope to be with my beloved are lost, there is always the hope that they will realize that they did not make the right choice and see that I am still waiting.

Wow, that sounds like a lot of people I know saying that. I pray my mother is right. I'm not going to ask for Divine intervention. God will see it as it is meant to be. But my Tarot cards tell me that I have a really hard time coming up. Well, not that they are always true. The will of ones heart is power, and if Eric picks me, I'm over joyed with all my soul, Heart...so on. But I fear what will happen to me if not. I have had visions since I was little. I alwasy knew that they would happen.

The only problem is, I ahve never seen my own death. And that I fear above all else. To die without being able to say that I am Eric' wife. That is a fate worse than death. I know I am rambling on about my love, and it probably is making Jen sick to her stomach, but I love Eric so very dearly, and I miss him. I want to know what happens, but I can not bear the thought of him not choosing me. Hopefully Tommy can get me there in once peice. ^_^ Even if its the last time I ever see my most beautiful Eric, I want to have said Dasuki for the last time. I know my mother is wrong, Eric will pick, and that will be the end of the story. There is no turning back now. I am hoping, beyond hope, though there is a pit in my stomach, my gut telling me its over, I have hope and faith that the love we had will keep us togetehr through out the ages.

heart crying I am over joyed at the thought that Eric will know who he is meant to be with, and yet I fear that it is not me. Poor Jen. If she is right, I have to do things I wish not to do. So I hope I get the better deal out of this one. Well, thats all the rambling I can take for one day. I better go. I have a feeling, I made a better grade on my math test. Thank you Eric for al the help!!