so...yeah...it would be the most amazing thing in the world if i could be the one...
but it would kill me on the inside knowing i succeeded in ******** up a great relationship...and not just the one between them two...the one between me and her too....and the one between me and all of their friends, which are now my friends too....
im not saying its likely that i will get the most amazing thing in the world because it really isnt
but im mad at myself for wanting that forbidden thing...
he is the forbidden apple that i must stay away from or else all will end...
although...if i did end up getting it i would be extremely happy in one aspect....and that would be in knowing he'd love me too because he came to me...
but again, that wont ever happen anyway, and i shouldnt be thinking this way, it is wrong...
thats why i think...we shouldnt ever talk anymore...we should never come in contact ever again...
so it can make me go away and not ever think that i have a chance; to make her happy because i know she gets sad when me and him talk; and so he wont have a bothersome me stuck to his arm annoying the s**t out of him anymore
and so everyone knows that he doesnt like me...
because he doesnt...
and he never will...
and i really really really need to make myself stop me.
from,
viviana #$%&*
entry.12
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