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"Ithaca has something to tell you."
"No," I said.
"Yes." Spiro walked over to me.
"It doesn't matter."
"It does matter. Tell them."
Spiro waited for me to speak. I cut my eyes at him.
Quit pushing me, I thought. I hate you, too. I hate everybody.
"Here's how you start," Spiro said slowly, ignoring my cold, angry eyes. "My name isn't really Ithaca."
He reached for my hand. I pulled it away.
"She's not really my sister, either," he said, his eyes still locked on me.
"I don't understand," Mrs. Darling said.
"Benny, do you know what's going on here?" his father asked sharply.
"Nah." He shrugged, bewildered.
"Tell them, Andy," Spiro said.
"No."
"You have to."
"No!" was torn from some place so deep inside of me, I didn't even know it existed.
"Tell them," Spiro insisted. "You can do it. My name is..."
I turned my back on him.
"My name is..." Spiro said. "My name is..."
I out my hands over my ears. "Shut up!"
"My name is..."
"Shut up, Spiro! Shut up!"
But he wouldn't. "My name is... my name is... my name is..."
Something inside me snapped, gave way. I swung around, wild-eyed, out of control.
"My name is Andromeda Baxter!" I screamed at the Darlings. "My brother is Eragon Baxter. But you don't even know who that is, do you?"
Benny's mother gasped, and clapped her hand to her mouth. Her husband put his arm around her.
My whole body was shaking. "You all live here in your perfect house with your perfect pool and your perfect computer and your perfect Christmas and your perfect lives. And you don't even know! You don't even know!"
Viciously, I swiped my arm across Benny's desk, knocking things to the floor.
I swung around, and pointed at Benny. "You! You took everything from my family. Do you know what they have? Nothing! Nothing! And you have everything! You're only alive because of my brother. You have his heart. And you don't even know his name."
Benny's jaw hung open. His mother took a step toward me. She hekd out her arms.
"No!" I screamed savagely. "Stay away from me!"
"But I know how much you're hurting," she said, tears in her eyes. She moved toward me again.
"You don't know anything!" I screamed. "I deserve to hurt! I deserve to die!"
"Andy-" Spiro began.
"I do. Because I'm the reason he's dead."
The room was hushed. I backed into a corner, my fingers splayed against the wall. There was no place to go, no place to hide.
And the voice in my head, the one I had come to hate, whispered: It isn't the Darlings who robbed your family of happiness.
It was you.
Suddenly, I wasn't in Benny's room anymore. I was back at the little deli. It was that day, all over again.
"Today's my birthday, October 31st," I whispered. "Eragon went to a little deli with Amanda. I hate her, but he loves her. I never insulted her or anything. Just inside. I ran out looking for Eragon, hoping he kept his promise to spend my birthday with only him. I sneak out and find he's with Amanda. They don't see me. She says something. About the necklace he gave me before and how it was her idea, not his. I'm so mad. I tear my necklace off and throw it at him. 'I hate you! I wish you were dead!' I'm running, running, running away, Eragon is running after me. I hear him call to me, but I won't stop. I want him to hurt! Like he hurt me. I want to make him sorry."
Tears streamed down my face. I slid down the wall.
"I'm running faster, out of the park, across the street. Now Eragon runs across the street because I did, between the parked cars, after me, and there's a terrible sound, a terrible sound. A truck, a thud, a crash. I can't turn around. Oh, God, I can't turn around!"
Mrs. Darling had put her arms around me.
"I killed him," I sobbed. "Don't be nice to me. Please. I want to die. I deserve to die."
I never heard anyone leave, but she must have told them to, because suddenly we were alone.
"Shhhh," she crooned, rocking me in her arms. I felt her tears on my cheek, mingling with mine. "Poor baby. It;s okay, baby. It's okay now."
"I didn't mean to," I sobbed. "Please, God, I didn't mean to."
"I know," she crooned, holding me tight. "And God knows, too, baby. I believe that with all my heart. You can lay your burden down now. God knows. And He forgives."
"You don't udnerstand," I whispered. "It's not God I need to forgive me. It's Eragon."