Well.. I have to be honest. Most people think I'm a pretty good mom. I try... I try really hard.. but, when I first had naaman.. i wasn't good to him at all. I had severe post pardom depression. In fact, when looking back, i wonder if i had a full blown depression and just didn't notice it... i mean. when you're pregnant, you have lots of hormones pumping through your body. you just naturally have a generally good feeling about you.
Also.. at the time i had him.. I was finally with Josh. I loved him so much. We had such little time to spend together before naaman came. I wanted to be able to put Josh first. But... then, i had such an inner struggle. And, I say today.. that when i look back, I know I owe it to my sister. She helped take care of my son when i wasn't able to find it in myself to do it. Then, I moved to san diego... being completely seperated from my family and most of any help... I began to come out of the depression.. but it lingered still. and.. I still had times when i was too overwrought to deal with my son. Luckily, Josh's mom worked only part time then.. and she adored naaman. And, she did a lot to help me.. but around Christmas.. i cut my hair and began a process of grieving and finding healing for the inner pains.. and as I began to work through my grief... i became a much better mother.
and now a days.. I have become a pretty good mom i'd like to hope. but, it was a hard road to get here.. lol.. and when i meet people who talk about having childrne and they refer to it like babysitting. it's like uncanny.. cuz that's what i thought too.. but little do they realize really how taxing being a new parent is. Because when you have a child, your life no longer belongs to you. you belong to your child and are there to serve their needs 24/7 until they are @ 2 yr and can begin to do a lot more for themselves.
 Graceangel · Tue Sep 28, 2004 @ 10:14pm · 1 Comments |
