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My life is in shambles. I have no clue what to do next. My parents have drilled things into my head, and none of it's working. My Dad is wanting me to come down to his house this weekend. To live with him. I cannot live with him because the conditions down there are horrible (for my standards). It's his lifestyle that I cannot stand. In the past I have said that I would accept this new life, however I never agreed I'd like it. I see the military in my future if I go down there. Or, suicide. But suicide is not the best option. I'm setting that aside. I've been told once you reach a certain age, you can choose where you want to live. If so, I choose to stay here. But see, in the divorce papers long ago, he had me domesticated to where he lives (Brazoria County). If I play that card, he might play this one, which would leave me with no choice. I only have to wait two years, but here's the problem: I can't see myself doing that. I'm a worthless addict to the internet and video games, which are my life. I'd love getting a job that revolves around them, but... *sigh*. I honestly don't know what to do. Once I get down there, my life is going to be hell. They frown upon the internet and video games, but they do not abolish it's practice. I'd like it a bit more if the neighbors didn't jack the internet there and my step mom wouldn't have to disconnect it. The only thing that I like doing is this, right here. They don't want me doing it. Here's the kicker: they want me to do what I want to do. They claim they love it that I like to do the games and the internet as much as I do, but THEY WON'T LET ME DO IT. That pisses me off beyond comprehension. They are going to encourage me to to something other than this. Once I get down there, THIS is going to be my link with my friend(s). This will pretty much be the only link, because calling them would mean long distance cell-phone charges. For all intensive purposes, let's say I'm moving the distance from Mississippi, to Texas. It's going to be about that far away. *sigh* As I get lower and lower in the dumps Suicide seems a better and better option. But I do not want to give up all that i have already. I have friends, I have fun (not by my parents standards, but I digress) and I have family that loves me. They may not like the way I've grown up, but they love me. Killing myself would just wreak more havoc on everybody else. I don't want to do that.
Sometimes I think that I'm just not what my parents wanted. They want me to do all this stuff that im JUST NOT INTERESTED IN. This is pretty much all I enjoy doing, however 'that won't get you anywhere'. Neither will baseball, nor music lessons, nor etc. etc. unless your career ends up in said category. I am going to attempt to get a career in the graphic design department, i.e. working with mocap artists and such, say for video games or movies. I'd love a job that revolves around technology, but with my lazy attitude I'm probably never going to. I like my life the way it is now, but I know deep inside that the outsider world is going to 'gobble me up' at my current rate. The military might suffice, if there was no other option, but I want it to be last choice. *sigh* I just don't know. crying gonk cry