I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My weakness is that I care too much
The news hurt her. More than knowing that Miss Jaden was dead too as she locked herself into their office, hers and Cal’s. Marshall had helped with their projects, when Cal wouldn’t work with her as Chrissy leaned back in her chair.
She could remember the first night she had met Marshall, trying to score with her twin, Cal. Cal had been pulled into one of the hallways by the werewolf and was about to receive the bad end of the deal there, when she had strolled up and saved her brother from a nasty accident.
Chrissy had found the wolf sexually appealing, but who didn’t she become attracted to? The only ones to turn her down right away had been Thomas and Samuel and she knew better than to try more than once. At first, Marshall had been too.
Sometime in that hallway, years ago, their eyes met and the same thought had crossed their minds. Behind her, was a spare room that they had just finished running cable wires in earlier. Pushing the door open, she somehow managed to get him in there, onto the bed before they managed to get undressed on the smooth, silk sheets.
He knew what he was doing- a change. No one knew what they were doing. But that made sense- some vampires were turned too young to have had sex, or they didn’t remember it, Chrissy being the one to take the virginity from most, if not all of the young vampires. Sometime around the time Marshall managed to figure out where he wanted to go, hurting Chrissy some, she noticed Cal standing at the door, staring in horror, which snapped her out of her dazed state of mind as she pulled the covers over her. "Hey. What the hell do you think you’re doing, get out of here Cal!” she yelled, knowing that her brother knew what she did, but it was going to get worse.
“That… It wasn’t supposed to be her,” Marshall said, sitting up and getting off the bed. If she could of, Chrissy would have felt sick to her stomach as she realized something- Marshall wasn’t even bi, but fully gay.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she begged, sitting up. Marshall, still naked, was reaching for Cal as she sighed. “Then that was supposed to be me? I assume that’s supposed to make me feel better, right?”
“Right. I wasn’t after your sister. Look, I can explain,” she felt used. That was all that could think as she shook her head and hid herself under the blankets, Cal leaving her alone after saying something, with Marshall, who sounded like he was sobering up.
He sat down on the bed, she could feel his heat and weight as she jerked the blankets up around her. “Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…”
“It’s fine, just go,” she said, use to rejection as the weight and heat disappeared again, then reappeared, leaning over her, close. “What do you want?” she asked, pulling the blanket away from her head, looking at the face of a worn out looking man, with bright green eyes that she fell for.
“Wanna be friends? I’ve heard about you and your brother… You throw the wild parties, right?” he asked, pulling away as Chrissy sat up. He started getting dressed again as she tried to figure out what to say.
“I guess… Yeah, I throw the parties, Cal doesn’t help,” she said. From there, she grew to like Marshall, as a friend; even though there was many times that, she would hint at getting him in bed while he hit on Cal, who took it awkwardly.
A few years later, Marshall came over, high, when Cal was out of town, leaving her alone to her own devices- it was possible for her to still blow things up without Cal, even though she did electrocute Marshall a few times on accident. He took some of her hints at wanting to hook up, but he wasn’t buying it, until he asked her if she would drop it if he just did her.
And Chrissy agreed to it.
After romping around in the floor of the office, which wasn’t and isn’t soundproof by any means, Chrissy waited for Marshall to pass out before hog tying him and rolling him under her desk, for later. Naked, hungry and hung over, Marshall managed to get free, scolding Chrissy as he left.
That was the last time they had been together, Chrissy noted, miserably. The look on Samuel’s face before he went to see Miss Jaden’s niece was almost painstaking, and so was the looks on the wolves’ faces when they showed up, either to meet as a council, or comfort someone. Chrissy wasn’t sure- she left the dining room and locked herself in their office, with a “Do Not Disturb” sign on the doorknob.
But someone dared to knock- it was that girl. The one that had a thing for Cal. Chrissy was going to talk to her, but never did, as she sighed.
“Go the hell away! Please!” she yelled, finding her lighter, the one that Cal always took to play with. She was the one that bought it, years ago. Along with the pocket watch, she still carried with her.
“Chrissy, we’re worried about you,” the girl yelled as she sighed, pulling her hair back. She just wanted to set something ablaze and watch it burn- that was what she wanted to do as she got up and unlocked the door and cracked it open enough to look at the girl. “Please come out.”
“I do not want to talk to anyone at the moment. It’s touching as hell that you guys care, but I don’t give a s**t,” she said, wondering if she could cry. “Please, go away.”
The girl nodded and left, Chrissy shutting the door and locking it again, counting backwards to when she could make her escape and go to the woods. She could control the fire, she knew that. But that would also mean maybe the firefighters being called, an intervention with a very busy Samuel at one point, about her pyro activities. She couldn’t control it.
She also couldn’t control the memories.
“Marsh,” she sighed, watching him throw back a handful of pills. “You’re a wolf, but those will kill you,” she said, sitting down in the chair and leaning forward. He had laughed at her, saying that was impossible. They had said, he came back from somewhere, high, high enough to kill many men and maybe a good sized horse and broke his own neck. She couldn’t believe it, at all. There had to be more to it as she shuttered with the thought, grabbing her coat that was thrown onto a pile of equipment and left and her lighter hidden in her coat pocket.
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
I tear my heart open just to feel
