That night he dreamed, and Arashi didn't dream often. Usually they were of his parents telling him he had to- of them abandoning him. But tonight it was so different. It was like a memory of just before he'd forced himself to sleep and he hated it. His eyes kept threatening to open as that one last bit recycled itself. The penetration, the tears and.. And his words. Arashi's words... "Well you should think about what you say before you say it! I'm not going to break in half and it's most certainly not going to kill me. In fact, it shouldn't matter if you have to rape it from me, it's going to happen at some point, Cross, and at some point you're going to have to figure that o-" Sure. He had said that he was sorry afterward... But that didn't change what he said. And the sadness he felt for saying such a thing to his demon didn't change the truth of it either. And for saying such a horrid truth, the silver haired Mecha tossed and turned in his forced sleep.
But the dreams were nothing compared to the pain he felt upon waking. Cross, his demon lover, wasn't there beside him. Had he so horridly disappointed him? Was it unbearable to lie with him after the night prior's altercation? There was a painful tug at Arashi's heart at the thought, but he had never been the type to let such things linger. This would all be over with soon enough, or at least the Mecha hoped. Fighting had never been his favorite pass time.
A few silver strands of his hair tiered into his face as he took to sitting up. 'Lover'? What right did her have to call Cross by that term? None. If anything he was a fool, thinking he was ready for something when he wasn't emotionally. Pfft, what kind of lame excuse was he? And for a moment, as he sat there looking at the empty side of the bed, he almost forgot the pain that he'd earlier excused. The Mecha let his body feebly slip from the bed as he shook the sleepiness from his being and gazed around the room. It felt so cold without Cross... All he wanted in that moment was to hold him. To murmur sweet nothings and play with his hair, "Damn it." He whimpered softly, inhaling a shaky breath thereafter. Where was the logic? The demon had said that he was upset for hurting him. That he was miffed because he was 'selfish', greedily taking what Arashi had thought he could give, and yet... Though cross said he was angry with himself, he'd left Arashi. Seemed to be all together avoiding the boy.
And again, that pang in his heart.
He pressed his palm flattly against his chest, forgetting it was stripped of clothing while he curled his hand into a fist as if to grasp the missing element tightly, hoping that maybe physically relieving the stress might make the emotional pain go away. But it was of little use when there was nothing but flesh to grip. So he stood there motionless with his fist pressed tightly to his chest, breathing shallowly as his mind wandered. Tried to find something less Cross-related. And that only made matters worse as images of being normal, in love and happy came to mind.
Roses. White, symbolizing purity and devotion, and red, symbolizing tne very 'love' that radiated from them as they slowly swayed in rhythm with a soft melody, their arms locked around each other as a reminder of just where each of them belonged... Arashi shook his head and let his hand fall as the thoughts and the butterflies took their leave. What could he do to make things better? His heart skipped a beat as his throat clenched tightly at the thought of things never getting better. But... but Cross- He had promised to never leave him.
The fallen hand made its way up to cover his mouth as he clenched his eyes closed in hopes of stopping the threatening tears. The Mecha would have sworn that he was frozen if not for the step that he had accomplished. No. Cross had promised noever to leave. Had said that he'd always need Arashi by his side. But still he wondered... What if he did just up and leave? What if he took Novalie and left? Left because Cross didn't need him anymore... Would Cross try and stop him? Would he miss him when he was gone? Would another take his place that could do things that he could not?
It wouldn't matter. It would only hurt a while... He could take Novalie and raise her. She couls be his sanity. And the more he thought of his daughter, the clearer it became that his destination was her room. At that moment he needed someone to curl up with and who better than Novalie if not Cross? No one.
Lightly, his long, pale fingers traced along the wall. He didn't belong here. That had been made clear on more than one occasion by that demon... Noir. He was a MechaAngel. He didn't belong encased in these walls, loving a demon and raising a human... But he'd let himself live this dream as long as it'd last. If Cross wasn't going to leave then neither was he. Novalie loved the both of them, so what right did he have to rip that from her unsuspecting little fingers?
Arashi wasn't even sure he could look at her right now without feeling guilty for thinking such things... So he moved into a different room, not really recognizing it, but it was dark. Maybe here he could find solice, "You are my sunshine.. my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never... know, dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away..." His feet moved him toward a darkened, cracked window, which he traced with his fingers before a darkened corner caught his attention. Just a rest. Only a moment alone so he could- ... A tear? "The other night, dear, as I lie sleeping.. I dreamt I held you in my arms. When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken. So I hung my head and I.." Arashi paused for a moment to choke down the small whine, "..cried..."
And with that, in hopes of stopping the tears, he huddled in the corner and rocked himself, his head on his knees and his arms around his head, "Cross..."
But the dreams were nothing compared to the pain he felt upon waking. Cross, his demon lover, wasn't there beside him. Had he so horridly disappointed him? Was it unbearable to lie with him after the night prior's altercation? There was a painful tug at Arashi's heart at the thought, but he had never been the type to let such things linger. This would all be over with soon enough, or at least the Mecha hoped. Fighting had never been his favorite pass time.
A few silver strands of his hair tiered into his face as he took to sitting up. 'Lover'? What right did her have to call Cross by that term? None. If anything he was a fool, thinking he was ready for something when he wasn't emotionally. Pfft, what kind of lame excuse was he? And for a moment, as he sat there looking at the empty side of the bed, he almost forgot the pain that he'd earlier excused. The Mecha let his body feebly slip from the bed as he shook the sleepiness from his being and gazed around the room. It felt so cold without Cross... All he wanted in that moment was to hold him. To murmur sweet nothings and play with his hair, "Damn it." He whimpered softly, inhaling a shaky breath thereafter. Where was the logic? The demon had said that he was upset for hurting him. That he was miffed because he was 'selfish', greedily taking what Arashi had thought he could give, and yet... Though cross said he was angry with himself, he'd left Arashi. Seemed to be all together avoiding the boy.
And again, that pang in his heart.
He pressed his palm flattly against his chest, forgetting it was stripped of clothing while he curled his hand into a fist as if to grasp the missing element tightly, hoping that maybe physically relieving the stress might make the emotional pain go away. But it was of little use when there was nothing but flesh to grip. So he stood there motionless with his fist pressed tightly to his chest, breathing shallowly as his mind wandered. Tried to find something less Cross-related. And that only made matters worse as images of being normal, in love and happy came to mind.
Roses. White, symbolizing purity and devotion, and red, symbolizing tne very 'love' that radiated from them as they slowly swayed in rhythm with a soft melody, their arms locked around each other as a reminder of just where each of them belonged... Arashi shook his head and let his hand fall as the thoughts and the butterflies took their leave. What could he do to make things better? His heart skipped a beat as his throat clenched tightly at the thought of things never getting better. But... but Cross- He had promised to never leave him.
The fallen hand made its way up to cover his mouth as he clenched his eyes closed in hopes of stopping the threatening tears. The Mecha would have sworn that he was frozen if not for the step that he had accomplished. No. Cross had promised noever to leave. Had said that he'd always need Arashi by his side. But still he wondered... What if he did just up and leave? What if he took Novalie and left? Left because Cross didn't need him anymore... Would Cross try and stop him? Would he miss him when he was gone? Would another take his place that could do things that he could not?
It wouldn't matter. It would only hurt a while... He could take Novalie and raise her. She couls be his sanity. And the more he thought of his daughter, the clearer it became that his destination was her room. At that moment he needed someone to curl up with and who better than Novalie if not Cross? No one.
Lightly, his long, pale fingers traced along the wall. He didn't belong here. That had been made clear on more than one occasion by that demon... Noir. He was a MechaAngel. He didn't belong encased in these walls, loving a demon and raising a human... But he'd let himself live this dream as long as it'd last. If Cross wasn't going to leave then neither was he. Novalie loved the both of them, so what right did he have to rip that from her unsuspecting little fingers?
Arashi wasn't even sure he could look at her right now without feeling guilty for thinking such things... So he moved into a different room, not really recognizing it, but it was dark. Maybe here he could find solice, "You are my sunshine.. my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never... know, dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away..." His feet moved him toward a darkened, cracked window, which he traced with his fingers before a darkened corner caught his attention. Just a rest. Only a moment alone so he could- ... A tear? "The other night, dear, as I lie sleeping.. I dreamt I held you in my arms. When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken. So I hung my head and I.." Arashi paused for a moment to choke down the small whine, "..cried..."
And with that, in hopes of stopping the tears, he huddled in the corner and rocked himself, his head on his knees and his arms around his head, "Cross..."
