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Friendship & Random Tidbits |
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I've done a lot of things on my years on this planet, amateurish, I want to clarify, I've written songs, I've sung in a choir in Middle and High School, I've authored books and RPs, the books which will never see the light of day, but the one "volunteer work" I've done the most, and had some obscure sense of satisfaction with...was therapy. I suppose that's not the correct term for it, because it's not so much I'm acting as a therapist than I am listening to my friends, giving advice, hoping it all works out for them, yet somehow, despite my ever-loving attempt at it, my 6 or so years of doing this little volunteer job...I always come back to it, no matter how many times people ask me for advice, stop listening to me, and come back to me telling me how things went badly. I rarely, very rarely, ever manage a thanks from my hours of being there, a shoulder to cry on, a person who makes myself open for when people need it, I only think of two people who have ever thanked me for anything I've ever done: two of my best pals - Ryan and Micheal.
Am I truly complaining that in a possible 6-7 years of helping my friends, that now it's starting to bother me that no one thanks me for this, let alone listens half the time? Not really, I am used to it, why wouldn't I be? I am stuck in a repeat cycle with my friends, not necessarily bad, but to say I wouldn't appreciate praise from the people I most desire it from, the people who I am not used to hearing such thanks from. Perhaps it's the child within me that desires praise for a job well done, but it's not as common a feeling or thought as I make it out to be.
There are many things I do for many people, from small to large, I always seem to be there for those who need it, yet sometimes when I desire the help, sometimes when I am at the bottom of my pit desperately trying to climb back up out of it, I cannot find the same help or ear that I am so used to giving out. This is not always the case, as my friends - Jake and Ryan - have been there and gone above and beyond what I could possibly ever hope to achieve from friends, and in my three or four years of knowing Jake now, he's proven to be one of the closest friends I could ever have, and I am thankful for his friendship, and with all my friends, so thankful to have my friends as close as I have them, even if they do not share my thoughts, do not share the closeness I do believe we have, well, what I don't know doesn't hurt me, right? Perhaps it's the things I think, that I don't know positively that hurt the most.
In all my years of friendship, I've had a few losses, the most recent from a man named Bruce, I won't go into detail of how Bruce and I's friendship was lost, but it spans the last 8 months and a three strike system. I'm really, at this stage of my journal, unsure what the purpose of this journal is...maybe just a rant on nothing in particular, but I suppose it's always good to do it. Soon I'd like to start posting up old poetry I'd written a long time ago, poems which had significant meaning to me, perhaps next time around I'll post a few, but the likelihood anyone reads them is slim, but whatever, I suppose I'm doing this for me, not you. Later.
Salem Wolf · Mon Aug 17, 2009 @ 07:21pm · 0 Comments |
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