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Well, yesterday was awesome. The foam party was pretty cool and I had fun for the most part. I just wish we could've stayed longer and that Steven had actually danced with me. I'm dying to grind on him. Okay, that sounds really weird. I've never actually grind on a guy before, and I really want to try it. I mean, I know he's not a dancer, but can't he at least try for a few minutes just to make me happy? I saw a few guys there that didn't dance but they still did it just for fun. It's not that hard.
Anyway, it was fun so I don't really care. Now, today was absolutely awesome. Steven's grandparents are in town and he went to a sort of family reunion and took me with him. I really liked that. He made me feel like he cared for me enough to take me to chill out with his family. I mean, they're absolutely amazing. They treat me more like a daughter than my own parents. Mrs. Done is just extremely sweet to me and tries to help me feel more comfortable around them. Mr. Done is absolutely hilarious, and Steven is a lot like him. I'm just glad that he doesn't drink or smoke like them. Even if they do smoke... I think I'm okay with that. I mean, I hate the smell, but they're such cool people that I wouldn't mind them smoking if it meant I got to hang out with them a bit more often. To be quite honest, Steven doesn't think I like being around them very much because of the smoking. I mean, yeah, I hate it, but I no longer care. I want to be around them more often. Steven doesn't ask me to go with him when he's around them because of the smoking, but that kinda hurts in a way, because I do enjoy being around them. Okay, now I'm just saying the same things over and over. Well, something that really made me feel... I guess, special happened today. Tasha, Steven's sister, told me that her wedding is in June, and that I was going to be one of her bride's maid. I mean, that's just amazing to me. I felt like she truly does like me, and that's just a big thing for me, because I've been trying to gain her approval. I mean, I did know she liked me, but you never know. She also mentioned how she was basically planning her wedding on her own, and I wanted to tell her if she needed anything, that I'd be more than happy to help her. I just couldn't bring myself to actually say it though. It also made me feel extremely self-conscious. I'll be wearing a dress, and, well, I'm not all that skinny. I hate wearing dressed because I always look so... hideous when I wear them. I try to make myself look pretty, and even though some people do think I look beautiful, I don't think I do. I'm not happy with the way I look. I felt so bad that I didn't really eat when I was over there. I had a tiny, and I mean tiny, piece of pizza that I didn't even finish. I was starving, but I just couldn't bring myself to eat anything. I honestly think I have a problem... I'm not eating all that much lately. I only do when I'm around people, and even then, it's not that much or anything at all. Oh well, I'll just have to get over it.
Oh, but the one thing that truly got to me... I got a chance to talk to Steven's grandmother, and she's absolutely lovely. She told me about all these things and gave me advice on my acting career. She also started talking about marriage, and that was just... painful. She told us how, when you know who the right person is, not to wait for school or a job or anything, because you would always be busy, and then nothing happens. That just... hit me so hard that I started crying. I, thankfully, stopped myself before it got out of control and just wiped my eyes really fast. I don't think anyone actually noticed, which is a good thing. It just... It just made me feel like... it doesn't really apply to me. Because if it was up to me, I'd marry Steven right now. Yet... I know he doesn't feel the same way. Not anymore, anyway. He'd rather wait. Which I guess I'm okay with. It hurts though. Because I'm so excited for my future, and I love having things set up and planned. It scares me when things aren't that way. I'm not gonna lie, being part of Tasha's wedding's gonna be hard. I can't help but feel slightly jealous, but at the same time... It's just what I want, and what I'm not going to yet, you know? I mean, it hurts. It's still going to be awesome though. I'm excited.
So... yeah. That's my day. Pretty exciting and fun. Oh, and tiring. Let's not forget tiring. I have so much homework... I don't want to do it anymore. I'm just about ready to quit. It must be done though, so I suppose I'll just have to suck it up and do it. I think I'll be okay if I try hard enough.
 Annabella Goddess Of Ice · Sun Aug 30, 2009 @ 05:27am · 0 Comments |
