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I can't help but question myself about love. I still have feelings for him yet he doesn't know it... I bet. And Jason problem, well, I still hate myself. But I keep thinkin that if I dont stop thinking that way then I'll never move on. But I dont know if I should. Sometimes I think I shouldn't because I dont deserve to. I mean, I've never hurt anyone like I've hurt him before. It's so.... not me. At all. I wish I could take it all back and just restart over again but.... I can't. Then I think, maybe it was all meant to be..... but I wish it wasn't sometimes....
Then I have still have feelings for my other guy friend that goes to my school. It sucks. I mean, I dont know why I feel so happy around him and everything. Its agravating! I love him and all I just dont know how.... Its like I'm back in first grade! >.< But he's got a girl so that's what's keeping me away from him and everything and not tryin to tell him how I feel and everything. Then again, I'm scared that he'll leave me... or he'll leave her for me leaving her hurt... or worse... It's a nice thought though, being with him. But I know he's just out of my league, though I think that of EVERY guy in my school. For now, he's just going to be my buddy in my band...
Besides that, I have another guy on my mind. He is just so amazing. He's everything I've ever wanted in a man. I'm serious. But, I begin to think about my friend in my band and Jason that I get so confused. This guy lives all the way in Maine too. But he's trying to get here soon as he can but... I'm not going to keep my hopes up. It would be nice to be with him and finally know my searching for the right person is over. I'm tired of break ups and waiting. crying
I do have some good news for once. 1. My band is set and ready, now all we need to do is learn to play a song for graduation and play it! I'm so excited! 2. I'm engaged to my ex gf or my gf Heather Lynn Pierce. heart I could never be any happier without her. I plan to buy her a ring soon and then give it to her when we see each other after my graduation. And yes, I was the one who purposed to her. But I will say this and no one tell her this but, I've been wondering if it was the right thing to do but I think it is.... I hope so.. If not God, lead me to the right path and let her be all right afterwards. But for now, I'm not going to worry about it and just enjoy loving her. 3nodding
Well, I know I have to stay strong, and I'm going to try my best to do so. I just hope I don't get to my breaking point again... Pray for a new life to come....
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