Heavy ... Hmm, I think I miss Myspace a lot, because there were friends reading my blog there, and somehow I felt good knowing that - that someone out there was hearing the voice of my heart.
I think I'm a bit depressed tonight. I probably shouldn't listen to "Run" anymore. It's a beautiful song, but it's just too sad ...
I feel sort of lethargic too - that is a depressive sort of thing.
I feel that there is somewhere I am supposed to be ... something I am supposed to be doing ... the old feelings I feel so often, unless I can keep myself so busy that I can hide from them. Night feelings. Depressive thoughts.
As usual, the sense that I belong in some beautiful tropical country in Southeast Asia doing something adventurous is a feeling I cannot seem to escape. My life seems so dull, sad, and frightening compared to life there ... I want to be a part of something bigger and more meaningful, but I just don't know what that is.
Just as I feel that there are places that feel like destinations, and others that feel like merely a bump on the road, I feel that my life right now is nothing more than a highway with no home, just a directionless journey ... I think if I was doing something with my life that I knew was God's will - some career in ministry or something ... I don't know ... but I think that that would feel like a destination to me - a state in which I could live and be at home - because that is how I grew up - in a very dynamic world, a part of something so deep and meaningful ... such are the feelings of this daughter of missionaries ... I want a destination, a niche in life that is what I am supposed to do, something that is right for me. No more roads.
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Flight of the Unicorn
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