Definitely lonely. I think I should go and bury myself in the happy pursuit of preparing stuff for my time travel roleplay. That helps a lot. I don't even have room in my mind to think about pain when I am doing something that makes me that happy. I wish I could roleplay for a living, but I don't think there's any money in it. >.<
It sure would be nice, though ... *sighs* ...
My mother said that we live to glorify God - that we live to become more and more the beautiful and unique person that God created each of us to be. But ... why do I want something so much more than pursuing merely what I am good at and like - wanting something more meaningful - like the work that my parents did as missionaries. A life like mine seems so small and empty. I feel as though my life touches no one, helps no one. Purposeless and selfish and very empty.
Why am I still trying to justify my existance? Is it because I only like my life when I am escaping from it? (roleplay, anime, etc.) But maybe, that is really life too, in a way. It is escape from the location where my body lies alone on my bed, typing away on a computer, my heart and mind absorbed into far away lands where there is adventure, love, beauty ...
I think I might actually be making myself more depressed with these musings, so I'm gonna stop blogging for the night and go play online. ^_^
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Flight of the Unicorn
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