Still so frightened. Tomorrow, I have to die again. I must throw myself, still alive into death - the mass pool of gray little office jobs ... It almost killed me before ... I ended up suicidal and hopeless in a hospital last year - primarily because of that job - and I have no hope and no strength left. I am so sad and so afraid now. If things don't get better, I will die. I can't live like that. That is not life ... So, God ... if You want me to live ... save me ... There is no strength in me to go on ... Nothing ... and I am so very tired ... I do want to die. I want it so much ... I can't live like this. To "live" like this is killing me ... Every breath is pain ... every heartbeat is torture ... please just take me - get me the hell out of here ...
If I had known that my life would be like this, I would have just stopped swimming when I was caught in that rip tide at 12 - if I had known, I would have wanted to die. I live in what feels like an endless nightmare, with only brief moments of peace and joy, which quickly flee and leave me just as sad and hopeless as before.
I fight with the shadows
but they devour me
I try to escape
but they follow me
chasing me on and on
is there no place I can go
to be rid of them
no place I can go
to be free?
so long she stayed
a heart decayed
dead dreams
falling down as shriveled leaves
all around her
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Flight of the Unicorn
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