View User's Journal

Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

stare I was planning to start my dad rant yesterday. I didn't.
stare I thought I wouldn't need to. He pissed me off. Yesterday. And I had, a VERY, VERY, bad day.
stare Today? He set me off screaming around the house. Some kinda pressured anger almost made me cry. Whatever. I'm fcuking pissed.
stare Thursday night. My dad told me he can't drive me and Michelle tomorrow. All bitchy and s**t. Okay. Whatever. Little old Ms Back-up Plan me, decided to ask my boyfriend to bus with me. The whole thing was set up. Friday. I was making breakfast. He comes down and pats me on the head like I'm my dog or something. And says " When am I driving? ". Uh... no. You're not. You said yesterday, yuhr not. So get the fcuk back in bed. He stands there all happy, and we start arguing. Pissed, I go out the door, into the freezing rain and go to the bus stop, where Toni was waiting for me. Dad, you told me I can't have a boyfriend because all they want is sex. Oh, that's a good one. DIVORCE MOM ALREADY.
stare The rest of my day was fcuked up. Don't wanna talk about it.
stare This morning. I run with Toni every Saturday, to keep in shape. He KNOWS that. But EVERY FCUKING MORNING. He calls " Where are you? Are you safe? Don't run so far, perverts will get you." WHAT THE FCUK AM I? 10? I go out at 7 20 in the morning, to go running. I get back at 10 - 11, because I don't wanna be in the house. I get back at 10 - 11, because I don't wanna be in the house. I get back at 10 - 11, because I don't wanna be in the house. I get back at 10 - 11, because I don't wanna be in the house. I get back at 10 - 11, because I don't wanna be in the house. OKAY ? GET IT ? Fcuking god. I'm not going out to do drugs. I'm not going out to get raped by my boyfriend who is sensible. So stop the fcuk trying to know everything I do. Why doesn't he just quit his job and follow me around all the time then? Yeah yeah, he's " worried " about me. But what happens when it's a routine? I hate obsessive, worried people. Let's just say I'm a very hateful person.
stare But my real motivation for this entry is. Yesterday, Toni came over. I was sitting with him in my room talking. After he left. He asked me for a background check of him. No, he's not a rapist. No, he doesn't have any criminal records. No, you can't speak chinese to him because he's viet. No, viet people don't speak chinese, nor understand, stop speaking chinese to him. No, he's not in a higher grade than me. No, he doesn't do drugs. Good? Okay fcuk off.
stare He checks what I'm doing every night on the computer. I'm usually chatting on MSN. He comes in "Hey how's school?" *Reads my MSN convo. * I say, " Good." And what's his reply? " Who's this yuhr talking to? " Fcuk. Stop being so over protective. Not all guys are fcuking perverts. Some people in the world are actually dateable, sensible, and not annoying. Probably why there's people in the world that love them for who they are and not because they have to. Oh hi dad, remember my mom's divorcing you? Coming in my room to read my conversations, to see who I'm talking to, whether I know them in real life or not, checking if my head's too low when I'm writing, isn't going to help you look any better in front of me. So. Stay away. Alright? Thanks douchebag.
stare Correction. I was screaming at the top of my lungs to air today when I was vaccuming the house because right before that, my dad called. Checking up on me, where I was this morning.
"What are you doing right now? "
"Going to vaccum the house."
"Did you do any homework today? Don't be on the computer so much?"
( What? He never said that to me. And the answer was, he didn't want me talking to Toni. Little does he know, Toni NEVER did affect my grades. I've been dating him since Feburary and my average is 86. Not to mention I'm getting all 90 and above in the very Chinese subject: Math.) So I said, "Why not? Am I not allowed to anymore?"
He said something I didn't bother to remember. And before he finished, I hung up on him.
stare Why can't I talk to him? Why can't you give me space? Keeping a mental person in a white room 2x2m big really DOESN'T help them get better. This is why I like my mom better now. Before, it seemed like my dad knew me better. But all that was just trying to wire me away from my mom. At least she gives me breathing space. I'm about to tear this 2x2 room apart with my finger nails if it breaks them. And when I get out. I'll be angry. I'll be insane. And in reality. They're REALLY going to need to lock me up in one of those rooms. I don't want to. But. I feel like killing someone. And I'm letting out a high pitch scream every 10 minutes.

Good bye.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

More Information