Ok, I lied about that being my second to last post. I just have to get something out.
I HATE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok, that didn't help at all.
Last night, I heard from my BEST FRIEND that my boyfriend has been busy with school and work. Seems they changed his hours so that he has to work and do school nearly 24/7. Well, she called him to see what's up with him and he answered. HE ANSWERED. Do you have any idea how many times I tried to call him with NOTHING? NO answer. NO return call. NOTHING. And she tries once and he picks up. So I have quite a few bones to pick with him.
1) Why didn't he let me know? 30 seconds. That's all it would take. Why didn't he leave me a message or something? Just something?
2) WHY IN THE WORLD DID HE ANSWER FOR HER AND NOT ME? WHY WILL HE TALK TO HER AND NOT ME?
3) How come he wouldn't leave me a message when he was on? He was on on Sunday and Tuesday. Nothing. Why?
4) WHY DID HE ANSWER FOR HER AND TALK TO HER? I AM HIS GIRLFRIEND. WHY DIDN'T HE TALK TO ME?
There you go, my friend, you can have him. Apparently he would rather talk to you than me, so you can have him. Have a happy life. He's a wonderful man.....most times. Apparently he doesn't care about me anymore. I will go back to my original plan, living with the animals. Perhaps I will take my trip a year or two early. Go to Africa or S America to photograph the wildlife. No internet there...Good. I don't know why I got into a relationship. I knew better. I knew no one would really want me and I would be hurt later. But I did it anyway and I was right. I had finally given it my all, hoping against hope that it would go somewhere and nothing happened. When I gave it my all, that's when I got hurt. I didn't even have my barrier up when that happened....I knew it. I knew this was hopeless. No one will ever want me. Only the animals will accept me. I'll go hang with them.
I've set my end date. December 4th. That will be my last day on the internet unless something happens to change that. I'll pop on every once in a while, but that's it. Why be on when I am not wanted? Why be on when it only causes pain. I'd better stock up on DS games then, since I won't have the internet to keep my company at college....
I did realize something the other day. I realized I was losing him and I realized I truly did, do, love him. I always thought I did, but I was never sure. But on Monday, just after Bible Study (thank goodness) it hit me. I would never talk to him again, hear his laugh again, see his wonderful smile, hear his wonderful voice. I would lose all of that and I would lose him, all the fun times we had, all the teasing. I would be losing all of it. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I cried so hard. Seriously, my pillow was soaked that night. I cried myself to sleep. It's more than "he's perfect for me." It was I love him, I'm in love with him, and I really don't want to lose him. But I also don't want to be in a relationship that is one sided. Then I will always be hurt. My parents and friends say to move on. There is someone else out there for me, but I don't think there is. I think this is it. I don't feel as if there is anyone out there for me. Ever. At all. So I'll be the old cat lady, a spinster the rest of my life. Except it won't be cats. It will be wolves and falcons. Seriously, I am getting my license to own at least a falcon after I graduate. So I'll be the old bird lady... *sigh* This is not helping. Making me sad....
CassiopeiaDraconis Community Member 
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